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DM has confused and worried me about DC

(44 Posts)
oohlalala Tue 28-Jun-16 22:20:34

I don't know what to do or how to react. DM who looks after DC once a week, announced earlier that she caught her playing with her bits in the bath. Told her off, but said its not first time its happened & that 4yo children don't do this and I should be concerned this is a learnt behaviour and that I ought to keep an eye on her. DM has a long career of working with children, so I do usually take her advice, but what, oh what do I do with this? Do 4yo normally do this or not??? Help

WhataMistakeaToMakea Tue 28-Jun-16 22:22:42

It's totally normal. And I'm a social worker so things that are not are totally on my radar!

BowiesJumper Tue 28-Jun-16 22:22:51

I know I did it and around the same age, and got told gently to not do it (in public anyway). But it's normal I'd say. I certainly didn't "learn" it from anywhere.

CaptainCrunch Tue 28-Jun-16 22:23:54

Your mother is talking bollix.

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine Tue 28-Jun-16 22:24:07

4 year olds' bits are often 4 year olds' favourite toys.

WeirdAndPissedOff Tue 28-Jun-16 22:24:37

It's normal - or at least not uncommon.
DM is completely over-reacting.

Perhaps have a quiet word with DC if you feel it best, but I don't think there's likely to be anything to be concerned about.

Gileswithachainsaw Tue 28-Jun-16 22:25:30

Perfectly normal. Fear not.

PacificDogwod Tue 28-Jun-16 22:26:02

Of course it's normal!
She should be allowed to enjoy her own body, but it may be worthwhile introducing the concept of 'private' to her.

oohlalala Tue 28-Jun-16 22:26:03

Thank you for your responses, you are making me feel much better. I've spent half the evening looking at websites about 'signs'. Think I can calm down a bit now!

acasualobserver Tue 28-Jun-16 22:26:10

Learnt behaviour? I think this is something we teach ourselves!

NarkyKnockers Tue 28-Jun-16 22:26:24

I find it odd that she works with children and told her off for messing with her bits. Surely just letting her know not to do it in public would be fine. Boys never have their hands off them so I can't imagine she's never seen it before!

PacificDogwod Tue 28-Jun-16 22:26:25

Signs of what?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Tue 28-Jun-16 22:27:07

Very normal, my 5 yr old keeps playing with himself and very proudly came to show me that he made his willy stand up by playing with it confused made me lol anyway!

nilbyname Tue 28-Jun-16 22:27:19

Your mum is talking rubbish

claraschu Tue 28-Jun-16 22:27:51

Completely normal and your mum should not be telling her off. Why on earth is she telling her off? You should immediately reassure your dd that she has not done anything wrong, and you should tell your mum that she should just ignore this behaviour.

If your daughter has her hands down her pants in public places, it might be a good idea to remind her about private parts, and tell her that her bedroom or bathroom is the right place for this. As far as I am concerned bath=private though, and your mum is very wrong to tell her off.

timeandtide Tue 28-Jun-16 22:28:00

I think it sounds normal. Little boys play with their willies from a young age so I'd assume girls are equally as curious?

I'd want to know what your mother meant or was inferring by "learnt behaviour" as body exploration is quite normal.

When it comes down to it, at a young age your ears are probably as
Interesting as your down below bits - everything is new to you.

oohlalala Tue 28-Jun-16 22:30:51

Signs someone was teaching her stuff. I think she was over reacting, but she did worry me intoresearching the subject Pacific

Primaryteach87 Tue 28-Jun-16 22:34:25

My baby (boy) plays with his bits if he has a chance! Definitely not 'learnt behaviour'. I think you're mum is wrong for worrying you about this and also making your DC feel they are doing something 'bad'

PatronIcingBardStarred Tue 28-Jun-16 22:37:30

Normal, it can happen in primary schools too a bit, girls shuffling on the edge of the chairs so don't panic if that gets mentioned...

dogdrifts Tue 28-Jun-16 22:40:40

Entirely normal. Ask any reception teacher who has to implement a 'hands above the desk' policy. or introduce 'hands in the air' games. They are pretty much all at it. All that needs to be done is introduce the concept of private v public and tell your mother she is a frothing paedo behind every bush fruitcake.

PacificDogwod Tue 28-Jun-16 22:42:45

Aw no, playing with yer bits is now a 'sign' of anything - other than enjoying the pleasant feelings.
Don't tell her off and discourage your mum from doing so, but reminding her about 'a time and a place' for this might make things less socially awkward.

I have a friend whose DD liked being stark-bollock naked at the least provocation AND lie on the sofa spreadeagled shock. Nothing abnormally sexualised going on there either, but her disinhibition needed a bit of curtailing before she started school grin

GiraffesAndButterflies Tue 28-Jun-16 22:45:22

4yo children don't do this

Yep, they do. And unlike adults, they're not attaching any significance to it beyond "that felt nice, I'll do it again".

If your DM has worked somewhere like a school environment, it may be that the children she's worked with were mostly too busy to think about playing with themselves, but I'd still be surprised she hasn't come across that behaviour before.

EweAreHere Tue 28-Jun-16 22:49:40

Totally normal. The only issue is 'privacy' if they want to play with their private parts.

Iggii Tue 28-Jun-16 22:50:59

No wonder women grow up ashamed of their bodies/desires. A reminder to not do it in front of others should suffice. I wouldn't want her bathing her again!

JudyCoolibar Tue 28-Jun-16 22:51:10

Perfectly normal. I once dealt with someone who was guilt-tripped into dragging her child off to a paediatrician because she was told something similar by someone in authority; the paediatrician wrote a very robust letter to the person responsible saying that the child's conduct was perfectly normal and he was seriously concerned that someone in her position was unaware of that.

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