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To say I can't do the supervision any more?!

(9 Posts)
WobbleYourHead Tue 28-Jun-16 21:43:24

I'd like to know if anyone has any experience in supervised contact visits please?
Not so Brief background (trying not to dripfeed) 3yr old nephew was taken into care in Feb following school noticing multiple bruises over time. Dad is main carer and as such thought to be the person causing the bruises. Nephew returned to care of mum and dad allowed supervised access only.
Police were involved but no charges due to insufficient evidence. However Dad cautioned for one bruise on child's arm where dad had admitted to nipping him (child was nipping and someone suggested "nip him back he'll not do it again" so I think maybe more a case of stupid naivety than abuse but I don't know).
Contact was hit and miss as neither parent could agree to days and times and SS seemed either unwilling or unable to become more involved in working it out.
As it stands I'm now supervising contact (I have to drive 30 minutes to collect child plus another 10-15 to get to dad, then afterwards drop him at nursery school and drive home).
Dad's own parents are willing to provide the supervision and are allowed to by social services but mum "doesn't feel comfortable" with them collecting him but is OK with them looking after him.
What I want to know is what happens if I refuse to supervise contact any longer? Will social services have to put other provision in place?
The supervision is draining emotionally plus it's costing me a fortune in fuel that no-one has offered to help with. I feel really selfish saying I don't want to do it any longer but feel like I need to protect my mental health.
Our parenting styles and interests are very different which doesn't help matters and I have to bring my 2 year old along too and I'm not sure it's great for them.
This probably doesn't belong in AIBU but not sure where else to put it so as people will see and have ideas/suggestions.

Hassled Tue 28-Jun-16 21:48:12

Worst case scenario is presumably that you refuse to supervise, nothing else is put in place and your nephew doesn't see his (probably abusive) father anymore. How would you feel about that? Because from the outside, I'm not seeing that as too bad an outcome. I'm guessing it's your brother, hence the sense of responsibility, and I really feel for you - but if things were bad enough that the nephew was removed into care, they must have been pretty bad.

Hassled Tue 28-Jun-16 21:49:42

And sorry - I meant to add - yes, of course you need to put your own well-being and that of your own family first. It sounds like you've been an amazing source of support, but that can't be at the expense of your sanity. Absolutely step back if you need to.

Alibobbob Tue 28-Jun-16 21:55:55

I did this once for niece and her ex but the baby was dropped off at my house and I supervised, not because of abuse just because they had split up.

Why can't the Mum drop the baby off or why can't she meet the grandparents in an agreed place I.e. Library or McDonalds?

WobbleYourHead Tue 28-Jun-16 22:00:35

It's DH's brother. I don't really like him that much but by the same token I'm not convinced it's as black & white as it first appears.
Nephew told me today that his sister hit him & pulled him on the rough floor by his legs (she's 14, different dad). I don't think she's abusing him but maybe just playing too rough/doesn't realise her own strength. He seems to enjoy time with his dad and doesn't seem afraid of him/nervous around him but then I've no idea what is "normal" in this instance.

WobbleYourHead Tue 28-Jun-16 22:02:49

She can't drop off because she doesn't drive, neither do and she point blank refuses to meet the in-laws or let them collect him. I don't go to her house I meet near a post office.

starry0ne Tue 28-Jun-16 22:03:45

I think you need to be honest and say it is not something you can continue long term..

Ask her how things can be moved forward ....Put the ball back in mums court.

missymayhemsmum Tue 28-Jun-16 22:12:16

Supervised contact is rarely a long term thing, is there a court involvement? Social services are very unlikely to arrange supervision, I would have thought.
Sounds as though the mum will have to get over her problem with the grandparents, tbh, unless there is a contact centre?
No, yanbu if it is putting a strain on your family

WobbleYourHead Wed 29-Jun-16 07:19:56

It's not gone to court as there's insufficient evidence to prove anything. A contact centre was used in the first instance but I don't know why that stopped. Dad went a above a month with no contact despite asking for it, that's how I ended up being involved.

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