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AIBU to want my partner to tell me when hes coming home?

(105 Posts)
F2016 Tue 28-Jun-16 18:51:26

This could just be (is very likely to be) a "me thing" but AIBU to want my partner to tell me when hes coming home? From work or wherever, if he knows I'm at home, is it too much to expect him to drop me a message and let me know when roughly hes due back home??

I realise that its probably more important to me than to other people who wouldn't care, but on days when I'm at home and not at work or away, I think its manners to let the other person know when your going to be back home again. I do it without thinking.

For lots of reasons, sometimes its so I can time dinner being ready, sometimes its so I can tidy myself up after exercising, sometimes its because there's things I want to get finished before he gets home , sometimes its so I can be back at the house at the same time to decide on dinner or whatever. I just like to know!!!

Is this too much to expect?
I'm currently 35wks pregnant and resting on and off on the days that I'm home and sometimes not exercising or getting dressed until later in the day and doing housework etc in patches through the day instead of all at once, but I want to be presentable again by the time he gets home and I want the house to be reasonably presentable- its not that he insists on that or anything, its me that's wants that!!

All I want is a message with an approximation as hes home different times on different days. And some days its with his 2 kids ( as they are with us 5 days a week) so similarly again, planning meals etc, I want to know when to expect them!!!

I have brought it up time and time again and it makes me furious when he arrives home unannounced. It will continue to cause tension after the baby is born because I will then definitely want to know when to expect him home.
Too much to expect? confused

WeAllHaveWings Tue 28-Jun-16 18:56:41

Yabu. It would irritate me to have to announce when I was going to arrive at my own home.

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 28-Jun-16 18:58:53

If there's hours and hours between the time he arrives home then I can understand. If not, you're being ridiculous and controlling. Hope in that situation it's the hormones and not your usual mindset.

babyblabber Tue 28-Jun-16 18:59:05

Why don't you text/ring and ask him what time he'll be home?!!!!

I get why you'd like to know re dinner but other than that you sound a bit nuts.

JuneBuggy Tue 28-Jun-16 18:59:47

DH & I tend to let each other know when we're on our way home, but we're all different I guess. For us it's about making sure the other is aware, just in case something happened (we both have a fairly lengthy drive home from work).

Marynary Tue 28-Jun-16 19:00:03

Does the time vary that much? I only really want to know if DH is going to be much later than usual because I start to get worried. I would also want to know if it effected meal times. I would find it a bit irritating if someone expected to know exactly when I would be home every day.

penisbeakerlaminateflooringetc Tue 28-Jun-16 19:02:34

YANBU at all. I'd like to know to so I can plan around it. I'd want to know what time DP will be home so I'll know what time I'll be able to pop to the shop / go running / cook dinner or whatever.

5BlueHydrangea Tue 28-Jun-16 19:03:19

I like to know vaguely when dh will be home from work as it varies between 2 and 7! Not too bothered though unless much after that and then I worry as he drives a lot in his job.
Must be a bit difficult for you at the moment being so pregnant too. One extra worry to throw in, and the need for rest too.

honeylulu Tue 28-Jun-16 19:04:42

You lost me at "so I can tidy myself up after exercising". Why? Do you think your husband would be disgusted to realise that you <gasp> actually sweat? He's going to see you give birth soon!!!

Pearlman Tue 28-Jun-16 19:06:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Queenbean Tue 28-Jun-16 19:06:15

I like to know when DP will be home, so that I can sort of mentally prepare myself for being at home first (quick episode of Netflix then a shower).

Your post does come across as a bit strong but actually I am with you, I would always let DP know when I'm coming home too. If only for a "on train now, do we need more milk?" / "I'll get home before you, what do you fancy for dinner?" Type thing.

ChicRock Tue 28-Jun-16 19:07:14

YABU.

You are furious when he arrives home - to his own home - unannounced?

Poor bloke.

MagnifiMad Tue 28-Jun-16 19:07:36

I don't think YABU - my OH is rubbish at letting me know when he's going to be home and, like you, it would help to know if he'd be there for dinner or what time I can plan on getting out for a run or whatever

Two solutions - text him about an hour or so before you'll be getting dinner on to ask him what time he'll be home as you are about to put on dinner/pop to the shops/whatever

and/or
Get the "find my friends" app on the 'phone. OH suggested this to me so if I am wondering if he's at work or on his way home, it tracks him (ok, slightly stalkerish but you have to accept the friend request to know where you are!) so I have an idea.

He got home the other day just as I took dinner out of the oven and he was asking if there was some for him. I told him "no, as I didn't know when you'd be home" I think if you are expecting to have dinner made for you and any accompanying children, it is polite and reasonable to give an estimated time of arrival!

Ilikedogs Tue 28-Jun-16 19:09:00

My dh usually lets me know what time he's back. Mostly so I can time dinner. Sadly the days of me or the house being presentable are no longer!
He does vary by a couple of hours each day though.

DoveBlue Tue 28-Jun-16 19:09:05

I only ask DH to let me know if he's going to be home later than 30mins past 'usual' time. Don't mind if he's home earlier just if later annoys me but that's because I wait for him to put dc to bed together.

LouBlue1507 Tue 28-Jun-16 19:10:27

YANBU In my opinion... This is standard for me and my partner. We always text each other an approximate time we'll be home and text each other when we've set off.. We also text each case other when we've arrived...

It works for us smile It's just so we know each other is somewhere safe or if something happens on the way home.

Queenbean Tue 28-Jun-16 19:10:54

Get the "find my friends" app on the 'phone.

Please don't do this. That way madness lies!

blueskyinmarch Tue 28-Jun-16 19:12:20

My DH usually lets me know when he is leaving work and what train he is getting so i can sort dinner out. He hasn’t really got a usual time. If i have been somewhere for the day i usually text to say i am on my way home. I think it is courteous.

Becky546 Tue 28-Jun-16 19:12:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kiwiinkits Tue 28-Jun-16 19:12:57

Being that pregnant makes you irritated at everything. So YANBU for another two weeks

blueskyinmarch Tue 28-Jun-16 19:13:28

I have ‘Find Friends” I love it! I can see where DH is as he meanders home on the train along the coast. We have no trust issues so it is fine.

Becky546 Tue 28-Jun-16 19:13:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood Tue 28-Jun-16 19:15:11

YABVU and a little bit odd.
Why on earth would anybody be expected to tell someone they live with that they will soon be arriving at their own home ? confused

That is beyond weird.

I wold only expect notification if dh had some kind of change in plan tha meant he wasn't going to be home until late at night, when I was expecting him in time for tea. No problem in not knowing within an hour or so and certainly no problem in him turning up early.

AdjustableWench Tue 28-Jun-16 19:15:21

I also like to know when DP is going to be home, and similarly I let him know when I'm on my way home if I'm out. I think it's basic courtesy. I imagine other people see it differently though.

What does your partner say when you talk to him about it?

MagnifiMad Tue 28-Jun-16 19:15:44

I have the Find my Friends app and it's been really, really useful.
Obviously, if there were trust issues or either of us was very controlling, it would be dodgy but we only ever use it in non-creepy ways!

Why is it bad advice?!

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