re: mother's reaction to list of baby names?

(81 Posts)
MyBreadIsEggy Tue 28-Jun-16 10:08:17

First of all, I know this has been done to death, so sorry!!
DH and I already have a Dd and have found out from our 20 week scan that we are having a DS this time <Yay grin>
We both wrote our own separate lists of names we liked, swapped lists, crossed the ones off the we really didn't like and then put the remaining names together into one final list.
My DM looked at the list on Sunday, and had a less than enthusiastic reaction hmm None of the names on the list are particularly "out there" or "yoounique" (think: Jacob, Rhys, Caleb).
She made it very clear that none of the names we liked were suitable, or "right" for her grandson hmm
I said in the politest way possible, that it doesn't matter if my mother likes the name we choose, as long as DH and I like it. AIBU to think that I am right in saying that?!
DM seems to think I am being wholly unreasonable, and she should be able to have her say in the baby's name confused

frazmum Tue 28-Jun-16 10:11:13

YABU for sharing potential baby names. But tell her she's had her turn with you.

Shouldwestayorshouldwegonow Tue 28-Jun-16 10:12:10

Why did you involve her.

With our kids we had them, agreed in the name together and told family and friends. It wasn't done by committee.

Just don't engage for now. Have your baby flowers and then tell everyone the name.

End of.

PlanBwastaken Tue 28-Jun-16 10:13:55

Your mistake was in showing her the list - never involve other people you actually know in the process of choosing a name, or you will give them the idea that they have a say. You did ask her opinion...

Just thank her for the advice and forget about it, and stick to the Baby Names board in the future. When the baby is born she'll hopefully be too excited to remember.
Good luck picking a name! Jacob is nice..

chunkymum1 Tue 28-Jun-16 10:15:48

Think of some you know she'll really hate, and tell her that's the new shortlist.

sirfredfredgeorge Tue 28-Jun-16 10:16:24

You chose to share it, you invited opinions, she gave them, YABU to moan about it.

You are of course free to still use them.

RiverTam Tue 28-Jun-16 10:16:36

Other than being very u in showing anyone the list, yanbu.

Bigfam Tue 28-Jun-16 10:17:02

Congrats on finding out you're having a boy! grin

We found out Sunday that our 5th baby is going to be another girl (only one Ds) and mil is exactly the same, we've already chosen her name, but mil won't be hearing it til she's in my arms and I'm cuddling her (baby obviously not mil grin )
She didn't like the name we chose for dd3, and told us how she couldn't wait for her own 11 year old to have a baby girl, so SHE could name it Charmaine.

You're not BU at all, it's your baby! Keep the name you choose under wraps until your ds arrives.

DonkeyOaty Tue 28-Jun-16 10:17:50

Don't tell anyone

Present new baby with his name

For now, close down baby names convos, say you are mulling over lots, divert and distract away from baby names like mad

MyBreadIsEggy Tue 28-Jun-16 10:18:13

Yeah, you're all right that I shouldn't have shown her the list.....I just did it without really thinking when she asked if we'd thought of any names yet confused oops.

DonkeyOaty Tue 28-Jun-16 10:19:54

Meant to add - CONGRATULATIONS

Cathaka15 Tue 28-Jun-16 10:23:37

I really don't get it when grandparents get upset about things like this. Just say Mum I love you thanks for your input but me and hubby are choosing the name. smile

MrsJoeyMaynard Tue 28-Jun-16 10:24:57

I would make a new shortlist . Tell her you've thought about what she said, she's right, so you've torn up the old list and started again. And this is the absolute final list, so her grandson will definitely be named off that, no matter what she says. And then either show her the new list or leave it lying around where she's bound to see it.

To start you off, here's some suggestions for your new shortlist:

Clarence
Englebert
Noddy
Ivanhoe

And add on some more she'll hate.

RNBrie Tue 28-Jun-16 10:28:34

Just ignore!! I was discussing names for dc3 with my mum and she said that she thought grandparents should be allowed one veto. I said that had that been the case, she'd have vetoed dd2's name and now everyone agrees that it suits her perfectly.

She had the good grace to agree and told me to just ignore her in future grin

JoffreyBaratheon Tue 28-Jun-16 10:30:40

Clarence
Englebert
Noddy
Ivanhoe

TBH those read like the kind of names that are constantly mooted on MN.

When the younger generation give their kids pretentious/stupid names, I just roll my eyes and laugh. I wouldn't expect to have any influence on the namer. But they can expect me to be unable to say their kid's name without laughing, forever afterwards. Seems like a good trade off.

JinkxMonsoon Tue 28-Jun-16 10:33:54

Yeah, it's best not to tell people, I find.

I made the naive mistake, when pregnant with my first baby, to casually mention that I liked the name Felix. My aunt launched into a diatribe about how it's a horrible name and it would be "cruel" to use it. I knew then it was a mistake to tell any family member anything and we kept quiet from then on.

Four years later, DC2 was a boy and we called him Felix grin

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 28-Jun-16 10:41:09

OP it is between you and DH - your DM had her turn with her DC(s).

(You don't mention any ructions over your choice of name for DD so presumably that didn't ruffle DM's feathers...?).

RNBrie : I was discussing names for dc3 with my mum and she said that she thought grandparents should be allowed one veto

Goodness! Glad you were able to gently correct that notion.

ChocChocPorridge Tue 28-Jun-16 10:46:39

This is why you need a decoy name. Our family and friends were convinced we were naming DS1 something totally different to what we finally named him - it both stopped the questions, and meant that when we finally named him, almost anything we chose would have been a relief.

DS2.. well.. we didn't know what we were going to call him until he was 6 weeks old (the morning of the registration, which we had left to the last minute!)

Sighing Tue 28-Jun-16 10:49:40

It was mistake to let her see the list. But she is massively unreasonable to think it's anything to do with her. I'd make it clear that you'll both be choosing the name for your child and start working together to plan for atopping her taking over when the baby is born. Trying to impose a name sounds like one of these who'll refer to themselves as "mummy" by accident and keep asking for you to leave them all weekend etc.

user1465823522 Tue 28-Jun-16 10:50:52

I don't think you can ever really choose a name until you see the baby,.

MyBreadIsEggy Tue 28-Jun-16 10:53:04

I'm loving the idea of having a decoy name!! If the subject comes up again, I'll tell her we've chosen Tom/Dick/Harry and keep the actual names we have narrowed it down to quiet until he's born!

LordoftheTits Tue 28-Jun-16 10:55:05

My friend recently had a baby and didn't tell a soul what name they were planning to use. When the baby was born, the name was announced too. It's bloody horrible not to everyone's taste so I can see why they did it, it's best not to involve anyone when they think they have a chance to change your mind.

mouldycheesefan Tue 28-Jun-16 10:56:48

Error! Do not tell anyone the names! situations is of your own making.
Rhys and caleb though are a bit housing estate. Jacob is better. Noddy 😂

diddl Tue 28-Jun-16 10:59:42

Ooh, I like Caleb!

When you showed her the list, did she think that you wanted her opinion?

When I told my mum the name of my PFB she said that she didn't like it.

Thanks mum, I was informing you, not asking for your opinion!

DramaAlpaca Tue 28-Jun-16 11:04:20

Rhys and caleb though are a bit housing estate

What an offensive comment.

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