Talk

Advanced search

AIBU to refuse my sister to come on holiday with me?

(64 Posts)
CrazyDuchess Mon 27-Jun-16 21:39:10

So in a nutshell me and my slightly older sister have a horrible relationship. Yes there are two sides to every story, but this woman has physically attacked me (I never retaliate) and been horrible and vindictive. She is horrid!

But - my niece is just gorgeous and get a on so well with my daughter. Despite my differences with my sister it's rather important to me for the girls to have a good relationship.

So - AIBU.
I want to take both girls on a week long holiday at the end of the summer holidays, all booked and paid for by me (and I have no issue with that at all it was my idea) I had a vague agreement and I went ahead and booked for the three of us.
Today my sister says if she can't come on holiday with us, niece can't come. I said I don't think it's a good idea for us to be cooped up miles away fromy anyone. And when we do fall out ( it really is a case of when not if) I don't want the girls to see anymore fighting between us.
She said I needed to be an adult about it??!!??

Hmmmm so ( and there is obviously loads missing but I hope you get the gist)
AIBU to deprive my niece of a holiday because of her mum?

Crispbutty Mon 27-Jun-16 21:41:47

What is likely to trigger a fall out? Is it avoidable?

Hissy Mon 27-Jun-16 21:43:15

Her mum won't do that to her dc! Say to the sister that your offer is for the kids only.if she wants to cancel her dd holiday, she can tell her herself.

starving Mon 27-Jun-16 21:43:53

What age are your dd and dn?

IonaNE Mon 27-Jun-16 21:45:50

I had a vague agreement and I went ahead and booked for the three of us
Given your relationship with your sister, OP, I don't quite see how a "vague agreement" was enough for you to actually book it. I think you need to let her go with you.

Arfarfanarf Mon 27-Jun-16 21:46:22

Is she expecting you to pay for her?

What if you told her the price would be £xxx. I wonder if she wants a free holiday.

But yes i would rather disappoint my niece than put my child (and niece) in a situation where they might see me verbally abused or physically attacked.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Mon 27-Jun-16 21:47:04

Why does she suddenly want to come? She obviously didn't mention this at the time. Can you say it's fully booked?

I don't know why she wants to come so much if you really don't get on tbh. Or is a case of her not wanting you to have fun with her daughter and she thinks she'll be missing out?

RebootYourEngine Mon 27-Jun-16 21:49:20

I would tell your sister what hissy suggested.

Baconyum Mon 27-Jun-16 21:49:49

Ywbvu to book a holiday for someone else's child with only a 'vague agreement'

I'm nc with my sister so I get that some are shit but that's still her dd.

You should have made clear plans before booking

CrazyDuchess Mon 27-Jun-16 21:50:49

My DD is 7 and DN is 6

To be honest we just don't like each other. We are very different individuals and I think because of years of what I perceive to be abuse from her, I come across rather cold and detached from her - but to me I am protecting myself.

She has issues - she drinks a lot! We grew up in an household with an alcoholic dad, violence and refuges.... she reminds me of him a lot.

DN is safe - my mum lives with my sister so I am jot worried in that respect.

And fall out a are unavoidable.... she hates me, so when pissed will remember something from the past to kick off about, there is no rhyme or reason and ultimately I could not relax if she is there - it's like a ticking bomb.

I should add I have complex health issues that don't react well to stress.... she is pure stress.

Sigh... she said she would tell DN that I said she couldn't go - I know she will spin this badly. My dd was really upset (she overheard the conversation even though I warned my sister she was in the room) and we ended the call before the fight really had a chance to kick off - she was drunk....

CrazyDuchess Mon 27-Jun-16 21:54:06

The vague agreement - she said I could book the holiday but she needed me to spend more time with my niece before the holiday before she was comfortable with me hmm

Fine I went along with it and did as she asked.

She then said she wanted to come because she doesn't want to miss out of her niece's first..... I don't really know what she would be missing! Lol its a holiday park.

It's not a big deal about the booking, I have insurance I won't lose out.

Yes she would also have expected me to cover whatever it cost to add her to the trip and spending money and all the travel - I don't want to.

CrazyDuchess Mon 27-Jun-16 21:54:12

The vague agreement - she said I could book the holiday but she needed me to spend more time with my niece before the holiday before she was comfortable with me hmm

Fine I went along with it and did as she asked.

She then said she wanted to come because she doesn't want to miss out of her niece's first..... I don't really know what she would be missing! Lol its a holiday park.

It's not a big deal about the booking, I have insurance I won't lose out.

Yes she would also have expected me to cover whatever it cost to add her to the trip and spending money and all the travel - I don't want to.

CrazyDuchess Mon 27-Jun-16 21:56:00

Letting her come just isn't an option - I can't look after 2 kids and her as well. Physically and mentally not possible.

I kinda thought I wasn't being U. Just feel sad for my niece.

There will be more opportunities.

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 27-Jun-16 21:56:53

Tell your sister she can't come, tell your dn the truth and tell your dd she can bring a friend ? Definitely don't bring your sister. Would your sister agree to your mother going instead?

SaucyJack Mon 27-Jun-16 21:57:27

The kid is 6.

YABU for the hmm face alone.

Just go without them both.

FetchezLaVache Mon 27-Jun-16 22:01:23

She wants to come because she wants to ruin your holiday.

CrazyDuchess Mon 27-Jun-16 22:02:07

Saucy - the face was just showing how ridiculous I thought her suggestion was... I have been in my niece's life since day 1. But I accept this is AIBU

It's fine neither will go - I am just feeling guilty.

CrazyDuchess Mon 27-Jun-16 22:05:36

I may ask if taking my mum along would make a difference.... I won't cancel the room just yet.

Filosofikal Mon 27-Jun-16 22:05:54

You won't get the money back from insurance. Insurance won't pay unless thee is a proper reason you have to cancel such as illness.

I'd just go with your DD and have a fab time.

Twooter Mon 27-Jun-16 22:06:41

I can't imagine many people letting their 6 year old go on holiday with someone they hate.

knaffedoff Mon 27-Jun-16 22:16:33

Don't feel guilty, I have a similar sister with whom I am no longer in contact. Sadly my niece's and nephew's (as well as other family members) have all been led to believe that it's my behaviour that's at fault. Be prepared though as my sister has definitely used her children against me :-(

starry0ne Mon 27-Jun-16 22:18:51

I have been on holiday with my sister ..We have a similar relationship though she has no kids... I tolerate her for my DS's sake as he has very little family..Her behaviour on holiday drives me crackers.. It spoils my holiday so no I won't go with her again..
I see no reason not for you and dd go..I now go alone with my DS... I would tell her you would be delighted if DN joined but really don't think it is a good us together..leave the ball in her court..If you don't go it will cause more resentment.

AyeAmarok Mon 27-Jun-16 22:24:14

YANBU, go without either of them,or let your DD bring a friend.

Poor DN.

knaffedoff Mon 27-Jun-16 22:24:48

I would add, that I have spent many holidays with my sister, but few did I actually enjoy and I always limited the time we spent together to avoid conflict, so I would go alone in your position!

RabbitSaysWoof Mon 27-Jun-16 22:30:16

I wouldn't allow someone who hates me to take my child on holiday either.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now