I think I have to go nc with mil once and for all

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Mil has pissed me off majorly over the years- you may remember she ignored me on wedding day just did not speak to me, shouted at me when I was pregnant because Dh and his dsis had fallen out lots of things over the years. I will admit I've never been her biggest fan but I've always been polite and bitten my tongue but recently our youngest child has been really poorly in and out of hospital mil has not given a shit- literally- Dh has rang her to tell her the various times he's been taken seriously ill and she hasn't bothered ringing to see how he is or anything- no offer to help with other Dcs etc nothing.
I'm used to her treating me like shit by now and I don't care about the woman even to be particularly bothered but her indifference to my baby being so ill cuts deep. I don't see how I can face ever being around her again.

[Jodie1982]

Sounds like my MIL. Can't stand the woman. So I have absolutely nothing to do with her. I feel much better having NC. Dp can see her when he wants. She never bothered with my children. Lives 2 mins away never came over, or asked to bring children over, DP would ask if it's ok to bring them over and there would always be an excuse not too. I fell out with her after a huge argument, she totally ignored my DD one day in the shop and I blew my top. Went NC soon after. Tried making up but she blew it again by constantly smoking around my baby, Dp had asked politely to smoke outside whilst baby was there but she ignored the request. Baby came bk home stinking of smoke. That's it now.
Op I suggest NC. You'll feel much better.

[ny20005]

I have no contact with my pil's. They live 5 mins away & rarely see my kids. Mil flew abroad to visit another grandchild & then tried to FaceTime mine but wouldn't cross the road to see them when she's here ! Nc is the best way

[NotAClueReally3]

She sounds vile. Definitely better off NC in my opinion.

[RaeSkywalker]

We're NC with my PILs. It's sad but we are so much... Calmer. You don't realise just how miserable you are until you walk away.

[Wishfulmakeupping]

When you've all got nc does your oh take the dc to see mil? I know Dh will still want her to be able to see Dcs.

[Jodie1982]

If pil make an effort then I'd let Dp take the dc to see them. In my case they don't give a toss about my little ones. So he wouldn't take them. But Dp is slowly going NC after a few issues lately.

[Lymmmummy]

Very disappointing her lack of interest in your child's illness - I really hope your DC is well and that you are recovered from the the experience

my SIL is more like this all about herself would not go 2 minutes out of her way for anyone but then expects endless praise - MIL is more of a bully overbearing type in that type of situation she would try and insist on turning up to "help" then preceding to be a total demanding pita for herself . In particular she is a bully in terms of always trying to make everyone do what is in best interests of SIL.

I am effectively NC with SIL - never done a better thing😀 SIL Enormous ego is caused by MIL indulging it and trying to be demanding everyone play along with it by bullying and guilt tripping people or being enormously manipulative by attempting to give others no choice but to go along with it. So think MIL worse in many ways as she is the reason SIL believes she is entitled to behave like a selfish little madam .

if we had no kids I would also be happy to very rarely see MIL, or go NC - but because I do have kids and for various reason some other grandparents are no longer alive - I do tolerate her for DC - but we are clear that any trips/visits are for benefit of DC and must be enjoyable for them - otherwise we don't do it.

Completely killed off the idea that everything must be about her or SIL - I also have v little to do with her MIL myself - I just make it possible for her to have regular access and keep it quite cordial but have distanced myself from her and do you know am so glad I did it - I got trapped in a need to please everyone and no one was pleasing me or being polite to me - I just see her as my children's grandma now and not my responsibility to please.

TBH if I had more surviving family I would have considered going NC but was not really an option in my circumstances as felt would be unfair on DC
So can totally get where you are coming from - I think mums net provides a space for those of us who have fallen on less than ideal circumstances to share - I could not possibly explain my situation to school gate mums as would be so far beyond their comprehension - they are all from perfect type set up families full set of living grandparents and family members etc

[Porcupinetree]

She sounds like my MIL we're NC (also with FIL and BILs!) she made it clear she hated me and clearly favoured other grandchildren (read as: blatantly ignored DD to the point of rudeness) even when DD was poorly so I'm glad to not have to indulge her anymore. Good luck OP.

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Thank you both-sounds familiar mil favours her dd and those grandchildren over my Dh and ours. It's hard as Dh doesn't see how unfair it all is but it really hurts that strangers have shown more compassion to ds than his own grandma- I've had friends parents and random people like my aunts neighbour ask about him more!

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Porcupinetree does she see your children? What do you do about bday parties etc? If you don't mind me asking

[LazyJournalistsQuoteMN]

Could your DH be in contact with his dm without you knowing and just not accepting her offer of help because he knows how you feel about her? Maybe he isn't telling you, to avoid arguments

[WellErrr]

When you've all got nc does your oh take the dc to see mil? I know Dh will still want her to be able to see Dcs

Leave it totally up to him. Don't facilitate it in any way. His mother - his children - his job.

Birthday parties - DH tell his parents but they never come. If they did I'd just blank them. They bring gifts round and if DH is here he deals with it. If not I just say to DC 'thank your grandmother' and nothing else and she soon leaves.

My MIL has been truly vile to me. I tried with her for YEARS - I really really did. Going NC was lovely. Really nice. Once you get used to not giving a shit what they think it will totally change your life.

[Wishfulmakeupping]

lazy no def not its her lack of interest that's causing arguments if anything I ask him everyday- had she called etc and she never has- when ds was in hosp last time she did text Dh after he'd been in a week and asked if he was going to be discharged soon that was it.
wellerr that sounds liberating :) I think I've got to near that point in terms of how she treats me but obviously Im nowhere near there when it comes to how she treats Dcs yet.

[Porcupinetree]

@wishfulmakeupping

No none of them see our daughter nor will see the one on the way.

Birthday parties they're simply not invited, not that they ever remembered any of our birthdays anyway ;-)