to think about adoption?

(9 Posts)
notfornothing Mon 27-Jun-16 11:24:56

We have 2 DC, DS1 is 3.5 and DS2 is 1.
DH is starting to hint at maybe having a third one. We both initially wanted 3 DC and i still do but i absolutely hated being pregnant, i had 2 c sections, first one emcs, second elective. Second time the placenta was stuck and the surgery took much longer than expected i lost more blood than expected. Nothing dramatic or life threathening but when i was laying on the table i kept feeling very anxious and panicky etc.
The recovery went well and I wouldn't say i will never go through this again but i'd rather not.
So these are my selfish reasons, on the other side i feel like i don't want to bring another child into this messed up world and why not give a home to one that's already here and hasn't got a home.
Then again this is quite a naive way of thinking I suppose and there are probably childless families fighting to adopt babies.
Also DH is not keen on adoption and i am only at the stage of just thinking about it, i realise that this is a long process and both parents need to be 100% sure.
I guess what I'm asking is help me make sense of my feelings about this?
If you have adopted after having biological DC already how has it worked out?

victoryinthekitchen Mon 27-Jun-16 12:05:55

(Quick response as I'm on lunch break!)Close family friends adopted 2 and then had 2 naturally, there have been loads of positives in a warm, lively family setting however also a fair bit of heart ache and disappointment in older years around the contact with birth parents. No reason why you shouldn't look into it, best of luck with happy addition to your family.

Illias Mon 27-Jun-16 14:08:24

At this stage I'd do as much reading and research and talking to DH (and others you know who've adopted) as possible. You're youngest is still very, very young and you're unlikely to be considered for any child until your youngest is at least 3 or 4 years old. At the moment there are more adopters for that younger age bracket than there are children, so some councils are not recruiting adopters for very young children unless they can take siblings or harder to place children (children from ethnic minority backgrounds, children with medical needs and uncertainty). I don't say this to put you off, adoption is an incredible thing, but now is your time to read and discuss and gather as much information as you can.

Head on over to the adoption board on MN, it's a wonderful community and they will give you lots of insight and advice.

EveOnline2016 Mon 27-Jun-16 14:17:01

If dh isn't on board I would leave it at this time.

Notthebumtroll Mon 27-Jun-16 14:17:24

Adoption is not an easy route to getting a child, your DH is right to be apprehensive. Many children come from poor starts and both adoptive parents will need to be fully willing to put in a lot of work, possibly a lot more than with the children you already have in order to make it work.

This is not something that you should be getting into without both being fully on board and commited. I've seen it go wrong and it isn't nice.

notperfectbutok Mon 27-Jun-16 14:49:24

It's lovely when anyone wants to adopt I think but agree with posters above; my friend was told by LA they wouldn't accept them as adopters unless they were happy to have age 3+, and preferably more than one. Childless couples would be given the babies, if they were any.

Having read your post though, I understand why you feel you don't want to go through it naturally again. Do you think with maybe some counselling or hypnotherapy or similar, you could reduce those feelings? Just a thought. Good luck with thinking it through.

monkeywithacowface Mon 27-Jun-16 14:54:39

Adoption whilst a wonderful thing to do is often a long and heart breaking process. It really is something you both need to be fully committed to and to enter with your eyes wide open. I have nothing but admiration for those who see the process through

hellsbellsmelons Mon 27-Jun-16 15:56:19

I went through the hold adoption process.
It's heartbreaking to say the least.
What some of these kids go through doesn't even bear thinking about.
I was in tears every night after a days training.
It can be so rewarding but in the end my ExH couldn't keep it in his trousers so that was the end of that.
I'm not sure I'd have been cut out for it to be honest.
Do some serious research. It's a hard route to go down.
It's a long traumatic process.
I'm not sure you'd get a placement with 2 such young kids anyway.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 27-Jun-16 16:01:10

'WHOLE' not hold!
Strange

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