Our first date was just a few drinks at the pub and then onto a house party after. In the early hours the party spilt out onto the street and a bloke came up to me and said within obvious earshot of my date. 'You know this guy's a loser, you could do so much better'. (clearly he was being a twat too). So my date went mad punching him and it turned into a full scale fight in the road that had to be broken up by the police!
This was years ago. I not only agreed to a second date but went onto marry him and have a child. Now finally split. What's wrong with me? I'm having therapy and thoughts like this keep cropping up. Would that always be such an obvious red flag or have you been so in love with someone from the word go you overlook these things?
AIBU?
If you were on a first date with someone and he got into a physical fight with another bloke would you see him again?
YouAreMySweetestDownfall · 27/06/2016 10:27
I don't think violence is ever a good idea - you say your then date went mad and punched him - not as a form of defence i.e had the other guy started punching him first.
That said, it's all irrelevant now. You went on to marry and have a child with him and you are where you are now. I think it's a good choice to have sought therapy - I experienced similar thoughts of what if this/that during post-break up with an abusive ex but you will come to accept these decisions, understand them and move on.
It's a process and it's not always going to be a straightforward one. 
, you might want to switch this to the Relationships board. KOKO - keep on keeping on.
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In the early days, when we like someone, we see what we want to see. There is nothing wrong with you. There is no point beating yourself up for something that happened a long time ago - we all make a wrong choice or two (or lots in my case 
) at some point in our lives. Chalk it up to experience and treat it as a red flag in the future. for you OP
Be kind to yourself. The past is gone it's the future that counts
^ Exactly this. You can't change what has happened, but you can make positive decisions for your future. Good luck.
We all make mistakes and sadly we don't always see people for what they are. That makes you a good person, and I know it counts for very little now but that's worth more.
Keep up with the therapy, ask about a programme called the freedom programme. It's for domestic abuse survivors but the information it gives helps you to spot a bad egg. Helps with the warning signs.
don't be too hard on yourself, you have a beautiful dc from it so it wasn't completely lost.
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