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AIBU or is "Well Done" an inappropriate thing to say re pregnancy

(104 Posts)
MrEBear Mon 27-Jun-16 08:05:40

Well Done just seems wrong to me. It felt like they were saying "Well Done" for having sex!


tappitytaptap Mon 27-Jun-16 08:07:22

I agree OP! It is basically being congratulated on having sex. 'Congratulations' is at least slightly more appropriate!

Shizzlestix Mon 27-Jun-16 08:07:40

Exactly agree, although I think you're gonna have plenty of people rant at you for this! I suppose it's good if someone has been desperately TTC.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 27-Jun-16 08:09:03

I sometimes say things like this when my mouth engages before my brain does blush

RosieposiePuddingandPi Mon 27-Jun-16 08:14:51

I've been told 'well done' by quite a few people recently but although it is a slightly odd thing to say I guess they just say it as the first thing their brain can think of! I've joked with a few of them about it and it's become a running joke.
Even my dad said it grin

MyBreadIsEggy Mon 27-Jun-16 08:17:19

We had to pop into dh's work (military environment) on the way home from the hospital after our 12 weeks scan with Dd. His boss asked if he could see the photo, and then patted DH on the back and said "well at least you know your balls work lad!" hmm

PresidentCJCregg Mon 27-Jun-16 08:18:24

It's not inappropriate as such, just a bit awkward and knee-jerk, before your brain kicks in kind of thing.

Savemefromwine Mon 27-Jun-16 08:21:57

When dd4 was ill in Greece the Greek doctor saw we had 4 kids and patted my dh on the back and said 'well done my friend' hmm

Donatellalymanmoss Mon 27-Jun-16 08:22:38

You are way over thinking this. Honestly, I have so little time for the over analysis of comments like this, it doesn't mean anything, it's just shorthand for congratulations.

RainbowCake Mon 27-Jun-16 08:27:20

I once said that. My brain kicked in a millisecond later and screamed 'noooooo!' There was no coming back from it and I felt a right dickhead. Still do when I think about it.

frenchielala Mon 27-Jun-16 08:32:12

I think it is a comment that is a bit of fun, I can think of far more inappropriate things! I'm sure no one making it is doing with the intention of being anything but complimentary!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Mon 27-Jun-16 08:33:10

Maybe not for those of you who conceived quickly/easily/without intervention, but for many women these days it's not "well done for having sex", it's "well done for getting through all those hospital appointments, invasive painful procedures, hormones and shit".

If you don't need a "well done", count yourself lucky.

miniswin Mon 27-Jun-16 08:36:49

It's literally what every single one of my husband's male friends/colleagues have said to him on finding out the news, along with a variation on 'well, at least you know it works!' - interestingly though, while not forces like MyBread, it is another very male dominated work environment.

MrsDeVere Mon 27-Jun-16 08:37:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyBreadIsEggy Mon 27-Jun-16 08:43:35

mini it does seem to be more of a "man response".
That was pretty tame compared to what one colleague said this time around! Dd is 14mo and I'm 22 weeks pregnant with DS. DH was asked about potentially going on a course mid-October, and said its probably not sensible because of the baby being due and was not met with a "congratulations" or even "well done" this time.....instead it was "Do you two do anything but bang?" hmm

sepa Mon 27-Jun-16 08:45:28

I was always hmm when someone said well done on my pregnancy. Depending who it was I did say to them you're congratulating me on having sex?

sepa Mon 27-Jun-16 08:46:12

Well done when you have the baby though is fine as you have just delivered a baby which is pretty hard work!

diddl Mon 27-Jun-16 08:46:54

I don't think that it's innappropriate.

Odd/different perhaps.

But surely you have achieved something that you have been trying to do-so-well done!grin

ShrimpieFlintshire Mon 27-Jun-16 08:55:25

Agree. My 80 year old FIL said it heartily to me both times and it slightly horrified.

ShrimpieFlintshire Mon 27-Jun-16 08:56:05

*horrified me.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne Mon 27-Jun-16 08:57:29

I got a couple of "well done"s having "one of each" (a girl and a boy) when DC2 was born - and once when in a cafe with both of them as toddlers. Now that is very odd indeed! Explains why lots of people were perplexed when we had DC3 though (why would you do that when you already have a "pair"...)

People are odd but nobody means anything bad when they say "well done" instead of "congratulations" upon learning that you are pregnant - unless they say it sarcastically of course!

anotherdayanothersquabble Mon 27-Jun-16 09:05:21

I said it once and meant it. It took me a while to get pregnant on all three ocassions and I did feel like it was something that took some effort and was an achievement, a bit like saying well done on getting a new job. I am a little socially awkward though and don't always say the 'right' thing.

NoahVale Mon 27-Jun-16 09:08:24

no, its not just about the sex! its about the conception
so, it is fine

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Mon 27-Jun-16 09:11:59

I think well done is an acceptable response.
When I announced my second pregnancy, a male colleague asked "Have you found out what's causing it yet?" followed by lots of sniggering..hmm

GnomeDePlume Mon 27-Jun-16 09:12:32

Okay, so we arent allowed to say 'well done' and 'congratulations' is apparently also a bit iffy.

What the hell are we allowed to say when a colleague announces a pregnancy?

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