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To pull someone up for their offensive FB "jokes"?

(54 Posts)
sailawaywithme Mon 27-Jun-16 03:03:19

Many of you will have read about the horror of the 2 year old who was dragged into a lagoon and drowned by an alligator in Florida. His parents witnessed the whole thing and Dad tried to grab the child from the alligator's mouth, unsuccessfully.

The thought of it makes me feel sick. I have a 2 year old son. We also have friends who lost their 2 year old son in an accident a few months ago. I've seen firsthand the utter devastation that his death has left behind. His mother can barely function.

A FB friend today posted a "meme" with a photo of a young child covered in a beach towel with an alligator graphic on it. The design is such that the child looks as though it's in the jaws of an alligator. The tag line? "Disney's new range of beach wear."

I'm just sickened that anyone can see comic value in the violent death of a toddler. IMO there's something wrong with you if you are amused by that. It's not witty or pithy it's simply cruel and grotesque.

I posted a response that said essentially, "Not funny. At all." The predictable response was that I needed to "lighten up" and that "I didn't need to look at it" which was something of a red rag to me. I told her that I wished I'd had a moron filter on my FB page so that I hadn't seen it." (Not my finest moment - I'm usually pretty quick witted - but I was still dumbfounded that she thought that was amusing in any way.)

The woman in question is my husband's (equal) business partner's wife, and part time employee. My husband has just told me this puts him in an awkward position and why couldn't I have just ignored it?

I'm pissed off beyond belief, moreso with my husband than anything else. This "don't make waves, don't ruffle feathers" attitude. The older I get, the less time I have for "keeping the peace". People need to be told when they're spouting BS. Particularly BS about a child's death.

I'm so disappointed that my husband thinks that I should just have ignored something like this. And I can't believe anyone could make fun of a child's death.

PPie10 Mon 27-Jun-16 03:19:39

As unfunny as it is, you should have ignored it. And that's your dh's business partner so yes you did make it awkward.

kawliga Mon 27-Jun-16 03:19:42

You spoke up for that innocent child and his devastated parents. You did the right thing. Sometimes you just have to speak up. Your husband is wrong. The 'friend' who joked about this tragedy is beyond the pale.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 27-Jun-16 03:20:09

YNBU. I wouldn't give a shiny shit, Whether. She was the Queen of England. I'd be defriending her, and telling her why. I'm sure other people will have seen it and have the same views as yourself.

alanthicke Mon 27-Jun-16 03:25:55

YABU -- yes it's offensive but you have to learn to pick your battles. You're not going to change this woman's views by calling names and you've put your husband in a very uncomfortable position. You should have blocked her and left it at that.

dizzyfucker Mon 27-Jun-16 03:37:10

What's done is done. Personally I applaud you, but I can see why it might make things tricky for your husband when you've called his business partner's wife a moron. As true as it was, you're right it was not your finest hour.
He's not you though. He doesn't have to mention it or discuss it with his partner or his socially challenged wife.

Time for a facebook cull?

trafalgargal Mon 27-Jun-16 03:42:52

It was only FB you could have just gone past it and ignored it .....instead of scolding your husbands partners wife and making things difficult for him.

You don't HAVE to respond to everything on your feed y'know

EttaJ Mon 27-Jun-16 03:44:27

Good for you for speaking up, I'd delete her on Fb and in real life no matter who she is. You say equal partner, so she's not your DH bosses wife. I am quick to cull anyone ,Fb and irl who makes racist/homophobic comments or sick jokes etc. Friends or family, they're gone if they think stuff like that is funny I don't want to know.

KissMyArse Mon 27-Jun-16 03:51:29

YANBU but Facebook is a poisoned chalice.

Nearly lost my best mate due to a few FB tussles. We never have any issues face to face but FB is like falling down the rabbit hole into all kinds of weirdness.

The thing is we are lifelong friends and can repair any cyber fallouts.

I can understand your husband's perspective as it gets messy so perhaps only add people who are genuine friends (assuming she isn't)

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 27-Jun-16 03:54:01

If I had to leave work because people were making it awkward for me. Id be calling it constructive dismissal.
Hopefully it won't come to that though.

sailawaywithme Mon 27-Jun-16 04:02:31

Thanks for your responses...dealing with sick toddler do cannot respond fully. Husband and partner and equal partners and have been best friends for 30 years. No concerns about it being his boss or anything...just feel as though I needed to make a stand, as such and pissed off about the lack of support.

kawliga Mon 27-Jun-16 04:32:27

I don't understand why your husband is in an awkward position. What is so awkward? She made a joke about a child who died in tragic circs and you said you didn't find that funny. Fair enough, most people wouldn't find that funny. Why does this put your DH in an awkward position? confused Is it because she will be so angry at you for not finding it funny that she will be frosty at work or something like that? What kind of immature person would go all frosty just because someone didn't find her 'joke' funny?

By the way, everyone should have things in life they consider worth speaking up for, so you did the right thing to speak up. All this don't rock the boat is fine, but sometimes you have to say something.

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Mon 27-Jun-16 04:59:18

I would also be totally offended and upset by that meme, however, we are all entitled to post what we like on Facebook. Your response should perhaps have been to unfriend her or hide her posts if you didn't want to make a 'statement' by unfriending her.

branofthemist Mon 27-Jun-16 05:26:53

I think speaking up and telling it wasn't funny was fine.

Calling her a moron over stepped the mark. You could have spoken up without resorting to that then unfriended her.

t1mum Mon 27-Jun-16 06:42:39

I agree you were right to call this person on the joke. It isn't funny. But calling someone a "moron" is pretty offensive on a number of levels.

PPie10 Mon 27-Jun-16 06:44:11

Yes you calling her a 'moron' makes you so much better hmm

insancerre Mon 27-Jun-16 06:48:26

There is a filter on Facebook that stops you seeing all the posts by stupid people
You just unfollow them
Ive done it lots, you are still friends but you don't get all their bs in your newsfeed

Milzilla Mon 27-Jun-16 06:51:06

I think you did right.

It will blow over...

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Mon 27-Jun-16 08:06:53

YANBU. Sometimes people have to be reminded what's acceptable. I rebuked a manager in a meeting for using the P-word to describe Asians. He tried petty vengeance, so I gritted my teeth and after a week we had a straightener in his office. Then we went to the pub.

Savemefromwine Mon 27-Jun-16 08:09:56

Good grief best ignored op but agree with you what a horrible thing to joke about.

U2HasTheEdge Mon 27-Jun-16 08:16:29


Sick 'joke' and yeah, I will pull people up on that no matter who they are.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Mon 27-Jun-16 08:19:40

Definitely not funny at all, but I suspect the issue is you calling her a moron. It's considered a disablist term and if you'd used that on here you'd have had your arse handed to you on a plate.

HermioneJeanGranger Mon 27-Jun-16 08:24:27

YABVU for calling her a moron.

sharknad0 Mon 27-Jun-16 08:26:08


It' s perfectly OK to dislike the joke, and even to comment that you find it "not funny at all" - even if this will probably end up in an argument. OK to block this person and to ignore her.
Not OK to call someone a moron and be surprised things are turning sour!

Unless you are directly affected, and then it's bullying, you don't get to decide what other people joke about. Some people are idiots, some joke because they are scared, hurt and trying to cope. We are free to make fun of whatever we like in this country! Listen to children's nursery rhymes, quite a few are based on something grim. Unless there was a photo of the dead toddler and the family name, you totally over reacted.

t1mum Mon 27-Jun-16 09:02:40

"Unless you are directly affected, and then it's bullying, you don't get to decide what other people joke about."

shark If someone was making fun of an ethnic group or someone with disabilities I would absolutely call them on it (partly why I'm calling the OP on the use of the word "moron" as it's widely considered ablist in the UK).

I guess to some extent you are right in that I don't think you could legally have any recourse against someone for cracking a joke in private (is Facebook private legally in this context?), but if you are defending the right to free speech then surely there is a right to put the alternative view across?

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