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To be feel upset with friends after being left out again?

(32 Posts)
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Sun 26-Jun-16 17:25:32

I realise I am probably U and oversensitive but....

Yesterday evening some friends of mine went on a girls night out. I was not invited. This is not the first time they have been out and not bothered to invite me, I don't expect to be invited to every single outing they have but Aibu to be upset at never being included?

To make it worse I always go out of my way to show up to their events/birthdays etc, but my birthday is next month and I've invited them all round for drinks and no one has responded sad

Aibu to be upset? Should I just give up and stop bothering with them?

ThoraGruntwhistle Sun 26-Jun-16 17:32:45

I think you should stop bothering to contact them or make a fuss of their birthdays. If any of them contact you, you'll know they have noticed and want to keep in touch. If not, you know that they had no particular regard for you.

itsmine Sun 26-Jun-16 17:35:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeverlyMaccer Sun 26-Jun-16 17:37:59

Oh don't bother with them

Petty little girls angry

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Sun 26-Jun-16 17:39:53

I'm just getting really fed up of trying with and caring about people who obviously don't try for or care about me. When I think back over all my friendships since school there have been so many people who have befriended me for their own gain and not because they actually like me or give a shit, one 'friend' who I've known for about 8 years just sees me as a free cashpoint now, people only keep me around for what they can get out of me. Fed up of being used sad.

The really sad thing is, I don't have many other friends!

Scarydinosaurs Sun 26-Jun-16 17:41:02

Make the most of, and nurture the friendships you do have.

gamerchick Sun 26-Jun-16 17:43:29

You need to stop allowing yourself to be used. It feels un natural at first if you're not used to saying no but it gets easier. Get rid of the parasites and ditch these so called friends.

supermoonshine Sun 26-Jun-16 17:44:27

Sorry to hear that. I think they are making it clear that they don't want to spend time with you so probably best to move on. I've been through a very similar situation and it was so painful, it took me ages to stop turning up for our weekly meetings as I was so desperate to maintain their friendships. But guess what? No one even bothered to text or call to find out why I stopped going, very cruel but it is what it is. I'm now trying to connect with other women at work and at an evening class and it's the best thing I could have done. So keep strong and put your energies elsewhere

BeverlyMaccer Sun 26-Jun-16 17:51:06


It's better to have no friends than fake friends. Or shit friends

But I know how you feel because I have been where you are

BabooshkaKate Sun 26-Jun-16 17:53:27

These people aren't your friends OP. You need to get out there and make new friends and not do silly things like lend money or chase people too hard.

I'm sorry. I know how shit it is. I also had a period in my life where I was stood up and excluded. I have a much smaller friendship circle now and don't miss the old lot at all. Occasionally I'll get an 'invite' to an Ann Summers party hmm

SeaWitchly Sun 26-Jun-16 17:54:42

I have had a similar recent experience with women I thought were my friends... but pulled shit like this... and then tried to hide that they'd left me out hmm.

Of course you don't have to be invited to everything but you will know if this seems to become a pattern and it is very hurtful. Particularly the not making an effort for your birthday... I know I have also been there with someone I thought was a friend [one of the women mentioned above]. I made a big effort for her birthday with a special outing, attended her party in the evening and gave her a thoughtful gift.
But when it came to my birthday she wasn't available to celebrate with me and admitted that she'd bought my gift in a rush that morning. Again not necessarily a big issue if the person is a true friend and makes you feel valued in other ways... but with this person it was just the latest incident in a long list of being made to feel 'not important enough' and at the bottom of her 'to do' list.

So I backed off from our friendship. I stopped contacting her and starting treating her like an acquaintance rather than a friend if I did happen to run into her, friendly and polite but detached. Instead I concentrated on other friends who actually seem to care and like me and want to spend time with me. And it's very liberating actually. Life is too short to waste time with people who make you feel bad, particularly if it's again and again and again. I would say detaching is very helpful as then it becomes a nice surprise if you do run into these people or get invited to an evening out... but you lose the expectation and subsequently the hurt of being left out. And you can then decide if it is really worth it to you to spend your precious time with these half friends or would prefer to actually spend it with those who make you feel good.


RaeSkywalker Sun 26-Jun-16 17:56:12

Fedup they aren't your friends. I'm so sorry- I really think it's time to walk away, or you'll keep getting hurt flowers

WhitePhantom Sun 26-Jun-16 18:14:15

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt about this, and it dies sounds as though the friendship has run is course. But it might be worth trying to figure out why.

Do you bitch / brag, dominate the conversation, interrupt a lot, anything that might put people off? (Sorry if this is not the case!)

There's a girl in a club that I'm in and she tries to be at the centre of everything. But she's CONSTANTLY bitching and being negative - about her mother, her daughter, other friends, everyone. We're all sick of listening to her and have started avoiding her, not letting her know when we have something planned. She's completely un-self-aware, no concept that she's pissing everyone off with her big mouth.

BeverlyMaccer Sun 26-Jun-16 18:17:08

Fab post from seawithly

JoJoSM2 Sun 26-Jun-16 18:25:09

They aren't really your friends, are they?

SamWheat Sun 26-Jun-16 19:00:04

What Seawitchly said.

PlugUgly Sun 26-Jun-16 19:02:07

I am sorry you are being treated like this sad move on to pastures new, it's not good for your self esteem to have to try like this, often there are better people under your nose that you may have overlooked because you might be too busy worrying about people who really aren't worth your attention and time, let them go and take a look around, friends don't have to be the same age/peer group etc , good luck !

thestarryeyedsurprise Sun 26-Jun-16 19:10:02

They are not friends OP. Don't waste your time. Find people who really appreciate your friendship.

BeverlyMaccer Sun 26-Jun-16 19:35:23

More fab advice from plugugly

runslikethewind Sun 26-Jun-16 19:39:39

THis happened to me too. I rang them every week to find out about nights out, what they were up to etc. On the odd occasion I didn't manage to ring they never included my in plans, presuming that because I hadn't rang I either didn't want to go or couldn't.
I accidentally missed a birthday once and was just about to ring and apologise when it dawned on me that they hadn't rang me to remind me I'd missed a birthday, nor even rang to say what the plans were to celebrate that birthday. I decided to see how long it would take for one of them to ring. They never did.
I bumped into one of their partners a couple of months later who said they were complaining they hadn't heard from me. I explained the above and told him that I did miss them and I would love it if they showed how keen they were to see me and simply returned the effort and rang me as I would love to see them, but I was sick of the effort being one sided and never returned. Guess what? They didn't bother.
Yes I was hurt but at the same time I wasn't draining my energy on people who clearly couldn't give to hoots about me.

Save your energy for people who appreciate it and are willing and wanting to return said effort in the friendship.
You sound like you could be a great friend to someone, don't let it put you off making new friends.

Hodooooooooor Sun 26-Jun-16 20:02:26

people only keep me around for what they can get out of me

This sounds like someone who either picks friends very badly, or has a very odd chippy attitude to the friends they have. OR both.

If you keep having the same issues with multiple people/groups, you have to wonder how much of the problem is you

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Sun 26-Jun-16 20:45:57

Yep, that's right, it's my fault that people treat me like shit. My bad.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Sun 26-Jun-16 21:28:12

YANBU. They aren't friends, they are treating you badly and it's not wrong to expect to be invited out with your friends.

I only have a very small amount of close friends, in fact I'd say 1 and some others of varying degrees. I too have made a habit of making shit friends. At the sign of someone treating me like crap, I ditch straight away. I'm not being treated like dirt and going to hang around waiting for their crumbs.

BeverlyMaccer Mon 27-Jun-16 11:09:31

hope you are ok today op flowers

PoisonousSmurf Mon 27-Jun-16 11:11:37

They clearly aren't your friends. Go out and find some new ones!

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