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Aibu? Sorry it's deep and regarding the vote to leave

(140 Posts)
user1466952915 Sun 26-Jun-16 16:16:56

I was born in the early 70's to parents that came from India in the mid 60's, I was born in a time where we saw our mother chased into our house by skinhead thug as she was on her way too work. We were spat on at the park, even had a air rifle fired at me. Never responded to the abuse, words and physical, never as I was scared what would happen if I did.

I was the only Asian child in my year at school, and was bullied, spat on and called every offensive name under the sun. The teachers at the time turned a blind eye and I had even heard our head of year laugh at it.

When I went to play at a friends one of my memories is her neighbours lad chasing me around cars pulling my hair and kicking me.

Late 80's it all calms down.......

My husband is white English, not that, that matters, but it did to his mother who sadly still had the archaic ideas about not mixing races, even though she is blessed with 4 gorgeous grandchildren.

Now it's all back and with a vengeance, devastated my friend of 15 years shared race hate posts, seeing posts all over twitter about the race hate towards all races.

To say I can't cope is an understatement, I was born here but have had it made clear to me I don't belong most of my life.

We have paid or way own our own home and are just a regular family, But now my husband is beside himself with worry over his job, it's a French company and trying to deal with me fretting.

Please don't tell me my fears and worries aren't real as I can see they are, what do I do? how do I cope, we just want our quite life back and not that I am a second class citizen or not wanted, I have no other country to call home.

Sorry used an alias, been losing my mind over all this, even in my hobby circle the posts are so abhorrently upsetting, people sharing memes with racist comments. I'm just not strong enough to cope.

AgentProvocateur Sun 26-Jun-16 16:23:03

It will be little consolation, but these so-called friends are a minority. Things will settle down, but what's happening in the meantime is awful. It's giving racist idiots free rein to spout their shite.

Easier said than done, but keep your head high - you've as much right to be here as anyone else.

Clayhead Sun 26-Jun-16 16:27:55

I totally understand you, we are in the same situation.

It's fundamentally changed the way I view some people I know, having seen how they really feel.

My dh has been told to go back home for the first time ever.

Helenluvsrob Sun 26-Jun-16 16:28:24

OP. I hear you.

I can't calm your fears but I can tell you there maybe racist, xenophobic people shouting loudly now , but for everyone of them there are many more people like me, my family and most of mumsnet quietly thinking about what we can do to stand beside you, and our more recent migrants / refugees.

I'm going to start by refusing to give my ethnic origin in official papers. I noted the migrant status of kids in schools is to be collected from September , and every form I fill in at hospital appointments etc asks for ethnicity. I work in health care. I know that data can predict the health needs of a population etc. However suddenly it starts feeling like data that could fuel the equivalent of the aryan paragraph in the 1930s.

I'm sure I'll be shot down as catastrophising and I hope I am but it's a small thing I can do.

Clayhead Sun 26-Jun-16 16:28:49

We want our life back too, it's been a couple of months like this now.

Maybe this is the new normal?

0hCrepe Sun 26-Jun-16 16:32:06

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. I'm horrified by the racist attacks and this country isn't what I thought it was at all. People seem so quick to hate others but it's like they've been hiding it. I'm not surprised you feel like that. Block anyone who says anything racist online immediately so you don't have to see it anymore and surround yourself with people who you can trust.

Buzzardbird Sun 26-Jun-16 16:32:39

The first thing I have done OP is go through my FB and unfriend anyone with a racist attitude. You know they still exist but not having to read it does help to lessen the stress.

It will die down, I still believe these knuckle draggers are a minority.

Stay away from FB until you feel a bit better, surround yourself by like-minded, rational individuals.

Ohchristmastreeohchristmastree Sun 26-Jun-16 16:32:49

We are all human and we live on one world. That is my deepest and strongest belief.

steppemum Sun 26-Jun-16 16:33:44

Op I am so sorry that you have experienced this. I am ashamed of the UK at the moment.

Please do not think that these hateful people are the majority, they are not. Many many ordinary people like me are appalled at this.

I love our country, I love the fact it is made up of many people from many backgrounds. I would gladly come and walk you to work in support if it would make any difference.

StealthPolarBear Sun 26-Jun-16 16:36:50

I'm sorry

Alfieisnoisy Sun 26-Jun-16 16:37:20

All I can say OP is that this reactionary xenophobic racist shite will settle down. I will be extremely angry if the police do not prosecute in every single case possible though.

You ARE welcome and always were...you are British and a far better person than the rent-a-mob racists. In fact I would welcome forced evictions from the UK of them...into the sea. And I would be there with a pitch fork shoving the feckers into a boat and pushing them off to sail into oblivion.

Snowcoveredthoughtcage Sun 26-Jun-16 16:39:26

I'm so sorry OP, please rest assured that not everyone feels this way. I have always been a rather rebellious subject, rather cynical about patriotism but never before have I actually felt ashamed to be English. This week I have. I will keep fighting racism.

SealSong Sun 26-Jun-16 16:42:56

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.
Unfortunately for a minority of people the leave result seems to have unleashed a degree of public racism.
Obviously it is wrong and unacceptable. All I can suggest to you is to try to minimise your exposure to it by blocking offensive people on facebook etc and try to keep in mind that the majority of people are not like that.
I do think things will largely settle down once the dust has settled but I can understand how upset you feel by all this.
My son has a mixed heritage marriage, and I have spent a lot of time talking with his wife this weekend, who feels much as you do at the moment. sad
We are in solidarity with you, OP flowers

sandrabedminster Sun 26-Jun-16 16:45:13

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

user1466952915 Sun 26-Jun-16 16:46:07

Sounds mad but I'm in tears reading your responses, sorry some of you are in the same situation, I have closed all social media bar twitter as I need it for my work.

Feels a very isolated and worrying place to be at the moment.

I know I'm not alone in this hostility, just scared for my kids going to uni, work etc.

I at first felt it was me being irrational and paranoid but as the last 48 hrs have unfolded it's like I'm living my worst nightmare.

My husband has explained to me several times I can't be chucked out of the country I was born in which does calm me down but doesn't make me less worried about being out and about.

I'm a worrier at best, sorry if I came across neurotic just totally shocked.

Thanks x

user1466952915 Sun 26-Jun-16 16:48:48

sandra I'm not out for controversy, I post here and Mse under my normal user name and can be real life linked from that, Please don't tar me as a troll, you have zero clue what i'm going through.

Theimpossiblegirl Sun 26-Jun-16 16:49:45

I'm sorry OP, it's really shit. Unfortunately the stupid/nasty/racist people are the loudest. We all need to be shouting back- racism is NOT ok and we don't all feel the same way. I'd be much happier sharing this island with a wonderfully diverse population than a few xenophobic twats.

If you feel strong, call them out on it if they are supposed to be your friends. Or just delete and block. Sadly you can't delete and block people from your life, only from your social media accounts.

flowers from me to you x

ghostyslovesheep Sun 26-Jun-16 16:53:57

To be fair OP this forum has been subject to repeated nasty trolling by someone who always uses 'User + numbers as their name - you can't blame people for being a little sceptical

My father came here in the 1950's I was born here - I was subjected to anti Irish abuse all through the 80's - I hope this rise in both social media abuse and actual racist abuse in reality is temporary

Most people of a bigotted xenophobic view will be on a high because they 'won' so feel they can lash out (and NO I am NOT saying this reflects ALL Brexiters before they jump in) - I hope it calms down soon

Mishaps Sun 26-Jun-16 16:55:27

Loud and unpleasant minorities do not represent us all.This is your home and I am so sorry that people are making you feel uncomfortable. Just enjoy your lovely family. flowers

Misnomer Sun 26-Jun-16 16:55:45

Oh op another controversial thread

It's not a controversial thread. It's someone describing their experiences and their very real worries. If you can't manage compassion could you just attempt to be less rabid?

Op, I'm sorry you are experiencing this. flowers

fusionconfusion Sun 26-Jun-16 16:59:38

We left the UK two years ago and I am feeling glad but also worried because I think this is a global trend, not just about Brexit at all. We are seriously looking at ways to live differently now to be prepared in the event of this being the new 1930's leading to rising violence and poverty. I think there are a lot of very worrying signs internationally that there is a lot of hate rising...

steppemum Sun 26-Jun-16 17:01:45

I want a multicultural Britiain.
I want a community made up of people of all backgrounds.
I enjoy the richness it brings to life.
Until now I have thought it was a strength of the UK that we could and do have truly mixed communities.

I am so sad that this stupid referendum has caused my lovely UK to be hijacked by Farage's thugs. (no, not all Bexiters, but that element that is there)

longdiling Sun 26-Jun-16 17:02:22

How is someone being upset at racist abuse and her husband's job insecurity 'controversial'? Where is the controversy? Should she just shut the fuck up and put up with it Sandra? And if you're implying she's a troll it has been explained time and again that user followed by a number is a temporary user name given to people.

I wish I knew how to comfort you op, these are dark times we're living in. I hope it calms back down.

Ditsy4 Sun 26-Jun-16 17:03:26

It is horrible.
I have been told to go home. I am home I just haven't got an English accent because I spent some of my childhood abroad.

bakeoffcake Sun 26-Jun-16 17:05:05

I'm so so sorry you are feeling like this flowers

Unfortunelty i don't think you're the only one and I feel deeply ashamed that 52% of people who voted, voted to leave, I'm white British but don't want to live in a country where the majority think like small minded little englanders. I'm not sure where we will all go though. hmm

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