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To want people to stop asking

(54 Posts)
MegGriffin1 Sun 26-Jun-16 13:40:05

Ffs. Im.'subfertile' i have pcos and found out at 29. Been married for almost a year and told no one. Im a private person and do not want to share this information.
People constantly ask if im trying, if im pregnant, when im getting pregnant. Im polite ans dont like atmosphere so smile and nod. Its starting to give me rage i feel like saying im on clomid thats failing i get sore tits and hot flashes and vaginal haemorrhages with nothing to show for it! Yes im aware my dh is older and time is running out and breathe

LockedOutOfMN Sun 26-Jun-16 14:12:51

This happened to me and many others I know. I find it incredible that in this day and age that anyone thinks it's appropriate to ask others when they're going to have kids. I send you all the sympathy I have.

justbogoff Sun 26-Jun-16 14:15:17

I found turning 40 helped.

KayTee87 Sun 26-Jun-16 14:16:54

I'm sorry people are making it so difficult for you op. I know you don't want to be rude but they are being rude to you so maybe you could just reply 'I'd rather you didn't ask me such personal questions'

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 26-Jun-16 14:18:37

Ynbu. Nosey fuckers. Would they appreciate you poking inyo their sex lives, because. That's all they're doing, basically.
Not only, but How do they know youre not going through fertility treatment.
When someone asks me a question I'm uncomfortable with answering. I just say. I don't want to talk about it. Yrs it can be embarrassing for the other person, but they shouldn't be prying into my private life, of which I'm entitled to

raviolidreaming Sun 26-Jun-16 14:18:58

Yep, I've also done my fair share of smiling and nodding during unexplained infertility - whilst dying inside and trying to keep it together to avoid a scene that someone I would then feel responsible for. I have no advice, but flowers flowers

raviolidreaming Sun 26-Jun-16 14:19:49

*somehow, not someone

Ilovewillow Sun 26-Jun-16 14:31:56

I can empathise why people feel that it's an appropriate question I will never know! My particular favourite on finding out my age or knowing it already was "leaving it bit late aren't you!"! So rude! After 8 yrs if I fertility it grinds a bit! When we had IVF I didn't want to tell people but being polite just kept nodding politely!

We were lucky and had a daughter followed closely by so when are you having a second!! Really!!!

In hindsight wished I'd been rude and told them to mins their own business!
Good luck!

MegGriffin1 Sun 26-Jun-16 15:51:07

I have to carefully plan where im going , who will be there and avoid certain people its annoying. flowers to all of you who know what its like

MegGriffin1 Sun 26-Jun-16 15:52:10

Just bog off lol im barely 30 its a way off x

honeylulu Sun 26-Jun-16 16:21:57

Hated this! I have nearly a decade between my two because of secondary infertility and we got a lot of questions. I tried lying, fobbing off, pretending I wasn't bothered.
Eventually I just started stating bluntly "I have fertility problems" which shut most people up. Unbelievably some would just blunder on: "have you thought of going to the doctor?" Etc. Er, yes, astonishingly I have, many many times. Doh!

gabsdot Sun 26-Jun-16 17:12:31

So rude, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this crap. Infertility is bad enough.
Try saying something like
Why do you want to know something so personal?
Or
I'm barren actually.

MegGriffin1 Sun 26-Jun-16 20:34:14

flowers thanks all xxxx

ukpor Sun 26-Jun-16 20:48:16

YANBU. I had the same especially with mil and older colleagues asking what we are waiting for etc. I tried being polite eventually I lost it one day and said next time we are trying I'll invite you to watch and make sure we are doing it the right way. That shut them all up.

How dare them! Do they even know if you want kids? If you can afford it etc. people are so rude and ignorant.

monkeysox Sun 26-Jun-16 21:39:55

flowers

CantChoose Sun 26-Jun-16 21:43:55

My friend is in a similar position and replies by asking how often the asker is having unprotected sex with their own partner.
I don't think I'd have the guts to do the same but it certainly shuts them up...

blue2014 Sun 26-Jun-16 21:44:25

It's shit isn't it? And you know what also sucks? It hurts as much when they stop asking (which they did for me after 4 years).
I'm now 16 weeks with an IVF pregnancy, no one has asked if I'll be having a baby in a very long time which is oddly ironic right now!

MegGriffin1 Sun 26-Jun-16 21:46:59

I have friends who are through ivf and OMG people are knobs. My mate had a failed ivf but went out for her mates birthday anyway. Said friend wouldn't shut up about her baby and how she wonders how people without kids live! FFs. I've unfollowed a lot if baby bores on Facebook I can't bear it!

Tryingtowait Sun 26-Jun-16 21:47:50

YANBU sorry to say though once you have one child it will be 'are you going to have another?' 'You can't leave little Timmy an only child that's horrible' ' you should have another big age gaps means they won't get on'

I'm 28 and got a 3.5 year old ds and also have pcos and currently trying for number 2. I constantly get these questions and even from people who know I have pcos, so frustrating.

MegGriffin1 Sun 26-Jun-16 21:50:05

Trying how annoying. Did you conceive your ds with treatment? I'm on clomid but heard the odds are crap

FiveShelties Sun 26-Jun-16 21:50:59

After being asked the question about when we were starting a family i finally starting telling people the truth, that I could not have children. It is a real conversation stopper but I just hope all those people I told never, ever asked anyone else.

SaoirseLikeInertia Sun 26-Jun-16 21:55:34

My DH's Sil used to pass comment all. the. time. Then one day she asked if I "had any news" when I commented that I wasn't feeling great due to too much Pinot the night before Apparently I threw a filthy look at her, she never opened her mouth since.

People are just nosy. And I think a lot are just making conversation. Kinda like "any sign of a ring" before you get engaged. They don't mean any harm, but they still should keep schtum. It stings, though. Infertility sucks.

ALemonyPea Sun 26-Jun-16 21:58:46

flowers Op. Clomid is an awful ride, been there myself and it plays havoc with your hormones. I conceived 2 DC (each in the 3rd attempt) so don't give up hope just yet.

MegGriffin1 Sun 26-Jun-16 22:01:03

Saw a friend I haven't seen for a while yesterday and she asked any baby news. I answered we don't want any and she's like why not like ever? She's lovely but I thought fuck off and that's the honest truth

elizabethdraper Sun 26-Jun-16 22:02:39

I got so Fed up that I said they don't call me barren karen for no reason.

Myself and my husband just laughed at the look on their face and walked off

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