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To pull up my brother over rude comments

(2 Posts)
gubbygubby Sun 26-Jun-16 08:25:27

My older DB over the years makes flippant hurtful comments that I have never challenged as we are not a confrontational family .
The last year or soI have had enough and have now for the third time text him to tell me I was upset. Not a rant, just an explanation.

At Xmas when they visited my DD went through he clothes and gave a load to DN who is 1 year younger.

When he saw them he said
" I hope those clothes are suitable for my daughter and there is nothing tarty in there "
DD was upset and I thought it was bloody cheeky but said nothing.

My mum did mention to him that he had upset DD . DD ls into fashion and make up and likes to dress up and his DD who is lovely is the opposite, so I can imagine why he would think this.

He rang me this week and we chatted about the kids. When he asked about the youngest DS he said
Have you had a diagnosis yet for DS ? " pain in the backside , or something else "

Now DS is being assessed for ASD and can be very hard work . He's not naughty at all but he talks non stop, is very loud ect so it did hit a nerve.
Again I said nothing as I was taken aback but I text him the next day to say nicely that I felt upset by his comment and we are very worried about DS and it just isn't very nice.

He responded with telling me that he had rung me , asked about the family and that yet again I had lectured him on what he had said wrong and to give him a break

I replied that he has insulted 2 of my DC and most people would respond negatively to that.
He replied that I always think the worst of him and that he loves my family and he didn't think those things .

So why bloody say them then. He is not a jokey type of person do one would assume that his comments suggested what he was thinking .
There are many other occasions but ive finally decided to challenge his rudeness and he doesn't like it.
He made an in appropriate comment about my daughter and get big friend to his wife that hinted about DD sex life.
Nothing awful if it were an adult, but I felt that there was an assumption on his part they were having sex. She is 16 and is not.

It's like he thinks his children are pure and wholesome while mine are a bit tarty and probably having sex .
I'm not explaining very well here, it's all so thinly veiled and subtle .

After a visit from him and his family I end up feeling really cross and it is not like me at all

He really can't see why I'm upset can he ?
What do I say next ?

I think I am touchy when it comes to him as he is quite arrogant
He is a very very clever academic and is just very superior.Its not just me but my other 2 brothers find him annoying too.
I've heard him call his wife's sister thick before.
I hate clever people deriding others for being thick .

He always knows best and is dismissive of other opinions.

His wife is lovely though as are their DC.
My mum can usually see no wrong in him ,
She says that he doesn't mean to be rude .
I really want to try and explain why his comments hurt but he doesn't get it does he

CreepingDogFart Sun 26-Jun-16 09:35:28

I'd stop bothering with him he sounds awful.

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