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To want to help my son overcome his past

(9 Posts)
ProundParent2009 Sat 25-Jun-16 23:15:43

My son (7) is absolutely terrierfied of the potty / Toilet to the point even putting him next to one he starts biting, scratching , kicking, pinching and punching people around him and himself. He also sobs and screams his little heart out sad

Just want to say my son is 7 and has a long list of disabilities and has awful experience involving an ex " Friend" who I trusted to support and look after my son so I could work full time ( my biggest regret). That " friend" is now serving a 15 year prison sentence for abusing children.

We don't know to what extent the abuse happened but we do know ( that " friend" admitted to it in court) that he used to make my darling little man sit on the potty for long periods of time to avoid having to change him and if my son got off he would " lose his temper"( plus other things happened )... ( he was very violent)

Because of the events my son is absolutely petrified of the toilet / potty to the point he goes straight into defence mode and attacks himself and everyone else, it's absolutely heart breaking to watch and to know what's happened and that my son couldn't tell me ( he is non verbal)

Has anyone got any tips or advice to help our situation? Right now my son doesn't have the understanding to tell me he needs to the toilet / needs a nappy change but I just want him to be able to feel safe around the toilet and potty and not need to be so scared sad

Btw I absolutely feel awful, the worst parent in the world for not even noticing the signs of what was going on and I already kick myself daily for even leaving him with that " monster" so only helpful comments please.

Thankyou

Chillyegg Sat 25-Jun-16 23:24:05

No practical advice put your dsd and poor you.! You poor things!flowers
Your not a rubbish parent. How were you to know he was abusing your son. You found out and acted to protect your son.

Griphook Sat 25-Jun-16 23:28:08

Stop kicking yourself, you didn't know. Be kind to yourself.

What about play, so a doll that wets itself, so come with tiny little potties, it might help him feel In control of he's putting the baby on the potty.

Rainbowqueeen Sat 25-Jun-16 23:29:01

You and your little guy sound lovely and it's such a shame you are having such a tough time

I think you will need professional help with this. In the meantime take the pressure off, maybe let him watch you use the toilet

Good luck and hugs to you both

WellErrr Sat 25-Jun-16 23:30:01

Sounds awful flowers

I think you probably need professional help with him, for some expert guidance?

Out2pasture Sat 25-Jun-16 23:36:42

Have you considered him go on a mat? Totally removing the "potty".
I'm not an expert just trying to think outside the box.
Using tape make a big X on the shower or tub floor to pee on?

BestZebbie Sat 25-Jun-16 23:40:46

....this might not be what you are looking for, but if he can't actually use a toilet/potty himself anyway (at this point), why does he ever need to go near one, given that he finds it so traumatic due to his exceptional circumstances?
Could you just put a big blanket cover over the loo when he needs a bath or a nappy change or to clean his teeth (or whatever you do in your home bathroom) and pretend it isn't there for the time being. You could then gradually remove the cover but still ignore it later, and so on, until he feels more used to the idea of it being there.

Justbeingnosey123 Sun 26-Jun-16 00:19:42

What about those singing/clapping potty's just for use as a toy maybe with teddys for now just to get used to it as a none threatening thing? Although as pp have said with his needs and history you should be able to access professional help maybe a play specialist or similar to work with you.

SpiritedLondon Sun 26-Jun-16 00:57:36

Well so sorry to hear about what has happened. Clearly most of us here are not experts so I think you should seek a professional to provide you with some expert guidance. How are you managing at the moment ? If he is suffering an extreme response as a result of a trauma then I would stop exposing him for the time being. ( sorry not sure if this is possible or not). Gradual exposure with a reward & praise every time he is near it would be my idea. Don't even try and sit him on until he seems happy. Maybe teddy or a doll could have a toy potty to play with as someone else suggested. ( we have one with sound effects!). Finally, letting him see you on the toilet so he eventually accepts this as a normal act unrelated to abuse. Good luck.

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