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To think this was a teeny bit insensitive?

(45 Posts)
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Sat 25-Jun-16 23:06:46

Was sitting with 2 friends today when they start comparing the size of their various body parts and commenting about how 'fat' and 'big' they both were. Both are size 8-10.

I am considerably fatter than both of them (size 16) and am quite self conscious about my weight. Trying to lose some but not having a lot of luck so far.

Aibu in thinking this was a teeny bit insensitive given that they know they are both slimmer than I am?

SaltyPotatoes Sat 25-Jun-16 23:09:22

Yanbu, but on the other hand chances are they didn't mean it nastily as a way of poking fun at you, they were prob just doing it as a way of fishing for compliments, albeit in an insensitive way

DailyFaily Sat 25-Jun-16 23:09:36

Depends - if they are the sort of friends who you feel would go out of their way to make you uncomfortable then maybe. But if they're not that sort of person I'd say they don't consider your weight to be an issue and were simply talking about their own insecurities.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Sat 25-Jun-16 23:12:14

I'm sure they weren't doing it to be mean, in fact I doubt they realise it affected me at all they were just talking about their own insecurities!

It just hurt a little as it made me think, if they think they are fat what do they think of me!

GonnaDoItAnyway Sat 25-Jun-16 23:16:19

I'm 6 foot and had been a size 8/10 all my life until the last year when I finally put on some weight to a size 12. It's difficult to see your body change quite dramatically. I use to be able to see my ribs and hip bones, now I can't and can feel the weight move when I'm active. I've found it hard to keep positive about my new shape. I've also found that when I have tried to talk about these insecurities I have been shut down straight away as I'm 'not fat'.

We all have issues with our bodies, just because someone is smaller doesn't mean they have less problems.

ThinkPinkStink Sat 25-Jun-16 23:16:49

I they might have been doing that thing.... Where you know someone else is worried about how they look, so you play-up your own insecurities in some sort of shitty camaraderie.

I've done it (moaned about my relatively clear skin in front of a friend going through a tricky time with hers) and had it done to me (same friend moaning about her size 10 'wide hips' to me (with my size 16 hips)).

Foslady Sun 26-Jun-16 00:16:42

Everyone has body issues, how and where they discuss them is the issue to my mind.

Yanbu - it hurts. My friend did the same at a night out at a restraunt for my birthday. Ruined the night for me and didn't want to eat a thing.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 26-Jun-16 02:07:03

Aside from insecure teenagers. I just ignore people like that when they say. I'm fat. Blah blah blah. I can't stand people fishing for compliments. They're grown women FFS. Time they started acting like it.

PPie10 Sun 26-Jun-16 05:07:51

ilive you seem to have missed the point. Anyway op you say that they probably didn't mean it, so maybe they were just focused on their own securities.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 26-Jun-16 05:13:21

However insecure or not you are, their conversation was excluding you, really, wasn't it. Because they weren't considering you or your size while they were discussing their own insecurities. So that in itself is rude, IMO.

Have some thanks

PrettyDumb Sun 26-Jun-16 05:25:56

If your friends make you feel uncomfortable, then they're not your friends.

Clandestino Sun 26-Jun-16 05:33:45

I'm size 6 and I'm forever tired of having to tiptoe around larger women (or men) when talking about food or weight etc.
I have my own insecurities too. Can't wear bikini because 5 surgeries on my belly left it looking like a war zone. My hips are wide and boobs small. My torn meniscus hurts from time to time and my lighter weight helps keeping it in check but hey, can I say it out loud?
None of can be mentioned without someone larger being insulted because she can't lose weight. Well, if you're happy with your weight, you won't take it personally. If you're not, do something about it.
But don't expect your slimmer friends to be constantly on guard because of you. They were talking about their own problems. Your post is your own issues talking, not your friends.

Thecatmademedoit Sun 26-Jun-16 16:36:40

Completely agree with Clandestino!

sharknad0 Sun 26-Jun-16 16:44:31

Spot on Clandestino!

MrsDoylesTeaParty Sun 26-Jun-16 16:44:41

I get you OP as a size 16 myself, but like people say it's all relative. When I've been a size 10 I've had really insecure days. My size 8 friend feels so fat after a takeaway weekend.. To her she feels fat because she gets a muffin top afterwards. A size 26 might hear you moaning and think "what's she on about? She looks great".

suchafuss Sun 26-Jun-16 16:54:48

I have lost weight recently and not intentionally, due to a medical condition. This week I moaned to my sister that none of my holiday clothes fit me and it would cost a fortune to buy all new. Her friend pipes up 'yes you've gone too far now and need to stop. Your face is gaunt and you have little girl arms'confused i think we all need to get over these things. Its rude to comment on anyones weight but shows their ignorance.

WorraLiberty Sun 26-Jun-16 17:00:12

I'm sure they weren't doing it to be mean, in fact I doubt they realise it affected me at all they were just talking about their own insecurities!

Well there you go then!

AyeAmarok Sun 26-Jun-16 17:02:28

So anyone who is slimmer than you isn't allowed to talk about their insecurities about their body?


ClopySow Sun 26-Jun-16 17:06:29


Overweight people don't get to monopolise body issues. However bonkers it may seem to you that people size 8 - 10 feel fat, some do.

I'm saying this as a size 16 with tiny friends who agonise over their fat bits. It really got to me until my size 24 friend "pfffft"ed at me and said "what the fuck have you got to moan about, you're tiny"

We all have our hang ups and we're all allowed to express them.

SylvieB74 Sun 26-Jun-16 17:08:41

That's not as bad as my daughters friends mum who said to me 'I know it probably sounds stupid to you, but I have put some weight on' ... ?!!

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected Sun 26-Jun-16 17:12:04


we all know what it is like to go over your "normal" weight

My best friend is a 6, she feels HUGE at an 8, I understand when she complains about feeling fat, because she's fat for her, I feel the same when I go over my normal as a size 14! It's the same feeling - clothes too tight, normal fav outfits don't look right on you, feeling bloated and sluggish… you don't have to be the same weight to feel the same way about weight gain

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected Sun 26-Jun-16 17:16:03

It just hurt a little as it made me think, if they think they are fat what do they think of me!

That's not how decent friends think

My size 6 best mate would gush at how "skinny" I am if I go down to a 12, because that's really slim for me, it doesn't matter that 12 would feel massive for her if she was that size herself, she would just see me looking slimmer

Purplemonkeydishwasherpimp Sun 26-Jun-16 17:17:50

YABU i got a talking to a work once for talking about how i felt uncomfortable wearing a bikini, apparently being a size 10 meant I'm not allowed to have those feelings. Size is irrelevant you should be able to talk about your body hangups.

Needless to say i went fucking ballistic.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gwenhwyfar Sun 26-Jun-16 17:39:59

"If your friends make you feel uncomfortable, then they're not your friends."

Similarly, if you censor your friends' conversations, you're not a proper friend either.

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