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To think he shouldn't have been allowed more food?

(86 Posts)
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Sat 25-Jun-16 22:05:30

Round at the in laws for dinner with Dss and DP.

Dss refused to eat all his dinner so was told he couldn't have pudding. He made a half hearted attempt to eat more, when told this, but eventually gave up due to being 'too full'.

Was allowed to have pudding anyway as he did attempt to eat more but was told he could not have anything later as he did not finish his dinner.

Come almost bedtime, Dss starts asking for more food. DP told him no as he hadn't eaten all his dinner but he was overuled by DGM who said he couldn't be allowed to go to bed hungry.

Aibu to think she should have gone with what DP said or was she right?

sonlypuppyfat Sat 25-Jun-16 22:10:02

I watched a TV programme once with a very old nanny who had worked forever and they asked her about this sort of thing and she said pudding was part of your dinner and shouldn't be used as a bribe, perhaps he wasn't enjoying his meal

Rumpelstiltskin143 Sat 25-Jun-16 22:11:01

Yes she was wrong, but keep out if it. Let your husband tell her where to go.

iammamam Sat 25-Jun-16 22:12:27

^thats what we do, it's part of the meal

I let mine eat as much or as little as they want, no ones starved yet grin

But the point is not the food is it, its grandparents ignoring what you say and doing what they want, for being annoyed at that YANBU

lolalament Sat 25-Jun-16 22:12:35

You're trying to train the kid that if you eat more, you get more. You should be trying to train it that you only eat when you're hungry, unless you actually want a fat kid.

Abinob Sat 25-Jun-16 22:13:10

Presu manly you don't usually have dinner there so it doesn't really matter.
I wouldn't let a kid go to bed hungry if they were asking for food though personally.

MsJamieFraser Sat 25-Jun-16 22:13:55

yabu, he was having his supper, so wasn't hungry then, but he was hungry near bedtime, children's hunger is hit and miss and tbh I would not be using food as a punishment

WorraLiberty Sat 25-Jun-16 22:15:35

I don't think anyone should have to go to bed hungry.

Whilst I would draw the line at a child taking one mouthful and then declaring they've had enough - then deciding they're hungry half an hour later, he did actually attempt to eat his dinner but he simply couldn't.

Sometimes I don't want to eat a full meal either, so I'll eat as much as I can (as he did), have a bit of dessert and then I'm full.

I might need a bit of toast before bed though.

PatriciaHolm Sat 25-Jun-16 22:16:52

If he's hungry, I would give him something. But it would be boring but filling, like toast or a banana. No biscuits!

Artandco Sat 25-Jun-16 22:17:06

I would have let them also. Here food is food, nothing is given on a basis of what you did or didn't eat earlier. If hungry they eat

ChishandFips33 Sat 25-Jun-16 22:18:17

I don't see this being about food/hunger but read it as DSS using the situation to gain control - possibly recognising that at DGM's he can 'win' and play adults against each other

His old is he?
Does he normally respect boundaries at home?

Amy214 Sat 25-Jun-16 22:20:00

I personally couldn't let my dd go to bed hungry, i think its cruel IMO

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Sat 25-Jun-16 22:20:51

He really didn't eat much though before declaring he was 'full' a couple of mouthfuls (this is very normal for him). There was not even a 2hr gap between dinner and when he was claiming to be hungry.

Fwiw Dss is a big food refuser and it is very common for him to refuse to eat because he just 'doesn't like' something that day eg; refusing to eat a ham sandwich that DP bought him even though he likes ham normally, asked for it and will usually eat it.

WorraLiberty Sat 25-Jun-16 22:23:34

I ate like a sparrow as a child and a teenager.

Small amounts and often.

It took my Mum quite a while to realise this, and eventually back off and stop causing food battles.

Amy214 Sat 25-Jun-16 22:23:39

Kids are like that though. My dd is exactly the same which is why i ask her to choose what she wants, that way i tell her you chose it so you need to eat it grin works everytime

dementedpixie Sat 25-Jun-16 22:23:41

Why should he need to eat all his dinner? An attempt is sufficient here and pudding is available anyway.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Sat 25-Jun-16 22:28:56

He wasn't required to eat all of it pixie, just make a decent attempt at it. He was served a small portion anyway and then didn't even eat half of it and that was after his second attempt. 3 bites of dinner so that you are allowed to have cake/whatever pudding is isn't a proper dinner IMO.

elephantoverthehill Sat 25-Jun-16 22:29:04

I don't know how old your ds is, but I've often thought that my Dcs couldn't actually recognise the difference between tired and hungry. It is like they know they want something but they're not quite sure what. I think adults do it too, e.g. go for the sugar rush or a coffee when in an ideal world we should just have a power nap.

Griphook Sat 25-Jun-16 22:29:09

I was and to some extend still am a food refuser, no amount of bribery or encouraging would get me to eat. Give up and save yourself the heart ache. He will work it out eventually.

NarkyKnockers Sat 25-Jun-16 22:29:44

Why not just let the child eat what he wanted of his dinner without the threats?

puglife15 Sat 25-Jun-16 22:31:38

YABU, assuming he's not in his twenties!

My son started overeating because his childminder wouldn't let him have pudding until he'd eaten most of his dinner (and gave him big portions), unbeknownst to me. What he needed was little and often. It's taken us over a year to start to sort it out and we still have some way to go.

Now, we often give him his pudding alongside his main course (usually just a piece of fruit).

It's not like a ham sandwich is super healthy and a pudding especially a fruit based one, or some Greek yoghurt, can't be.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Sat 25-Jun-16 22:34:16

The ham sandwich was just an example from another day, that wasn't his dinner pug. The pudding wasn't healthy either, it was chocolate based!

JenniferYellowHat1980 Sat 25-Jun-16 22:35:51

You're setting yourself up for resentment here, why are you so invested in what your DSS eats/doesn't eat? Choose your battles.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Sat 25-Jun-16 22:38:29

I'm not especially Jennifer but it's just that in this case I felt that DP was in the right. As I said, food is a bit of an ongoing issue for them. I have no say either way really but Dss seems to have very few rules at his house and no consequences for not doing as he is told as this seems to be an extension of that.

zzzzz Sat 25-Jun-16 22:38:36

Why do you think it matters?

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