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To feel like shit

(49 Posts)
Moomoomango Sat 25-Jun-16 20:34:21

We live in an affluent area on a very middle class street in a house converted ground floor flat. We could not afford to live here had my dear dad not helped us out. He helped us to live here as he realised how important it was for me to be close to family as I was 23, pregnant and caring for my disabled OH. I needed family support. Once the baby was born I suffered severe Pnd.

Anyway today I found out when we first moved in (almost 5 years ago) the people opposite us started gossiping with other members in the street that having the baby was the result of a mistaken fumble and that we'd never last. She didn't know us from Adam. My oh got a disabled bay outside our house put in by local authority as ha cannot walk far, we have no off road parking and it's a cul de sac full of cars. I learnt today they all started meeting to discuss how awful it would be for the road and how we've tarred the street. Not one person spoke to us about it - they just had secret meetings about it.

Following the birth of my baby - severe pnd - breastfeeding on demand - no one else to kelp out with meals - we ate a lot of Chinese Ta. Apparently they now all joke about us being fat and living off take always. We've not had take away for years now but still the rumours and jokes persist.

I feel awkward living here now. I feel like we are the butt of the streets cruel whispers and like absolute shit. My self esteem and confidence has taken a nose dive,

We do claim benefits - for disability and caring and I also work part time.

We have little money, very rarely new clothes - but we are good, kind, decent people. But I feel so looked down on.

Aibu to feel so shit? Should I just forget it - they are only neighbours we never talk to after all? But for some reason I feel really low sad I can't shake the feeling we don't belong here

Crunchymum Sat 25-Jun-16 20:38:32

How did you find out about the secret meetings and all the other stuff?

Crunchymum Sat 25-Jun-16 20:39:45

Ps... no one is obligated to help out with meals apart from your partner.

There are plenty of alternatives to take aways.

Crunchymum Sat 25-Jun-16 20:40:18

But your neighbours sound like awful, pretentious snobs.

monkeywithacowface Sat 25-Jun-16 20:42:22

Who is telling you all these things? Whoever they are they not your friend and I would ask them why they keep telling you all these horrible things. Who cares what these people think?

Moomoomango Sat 25-Jun-16 20:42:30

I found out today by my neighbour who is leaving the street - I can trust her. It came up in conversation. And I know no one is obligated to help with meals but basically if I can't cook we don't eat so it rested on take always a lot as I was tied up feeding a very colicky baby

timelytess Sat 25-Jun-16 20:42:54

The thing to do here is to shake it off. Stop caring what your neighbours think or do. That might sound impossible, but, trust me, it isn't. Try it. Keep at it. You'll soon experience a freedom you never imagined.

Ask yourself honestly, wtf does it matter what those people think? Keep on doing your best for yourself and your family, hug each other an lot, be polite to outsiders but don't give two hoots about them.

Gazelda Sat 25-Jun-16 20:42:58

Whoever told you all this is a shit stirrer. And might well be lying.

Hold your head up high - you're as respectable as any of your neighbours. You don't need to socialise with them, pick your own friends.

sooperdooper Sat 25-Jun-16 20:43:16

How do you know this stuff?

They sound horrid, if you hate it just move?

PansOnFire Sat 25-Jun-16 20:45:01

They sound like a pack of snobs who I wouldn't spend time thinking about. Their opinions mean nothing because they're not based on fact.

I'd start sunbathing on the driveway and making sure I carried a pizza box/take away container every time I left the house. They obviously feel happiest when they're bitching so I'd give them fodder and relish in my good deed for the day - helping out those less fortunate than myself. Nothing screams 'less fortunate' than ignorance.

Liara Sat 25-Jun-16 20:46:39

Oh FFS crunchymum, what they eat is their business and no one else's. If eating chinese takeaways was helping her cope in a difficult situation, then she should damn well eat them and they should keep their noses out of it!

The thing with people like that is to remember that their behaviour says a lot about them and not a lot about you. They are sad pathetic people who have nothing better to do in their lives than curtain twitch and talk about what others do with their life. You should feel sorry for them that their life is so very devoid of meaning.

You certainly should not let it affect how you feel about yourself. I hope you are getting help for your pnd, as well as with the caring for your OH and baby. Do remember to look after yourself as well, it is sometimes hard when you are a carer and have young children to take the time to do that.

AristotlesTrousers Sat 25-Jun-16 20:47:44

Unless there was a real need for you to know this about your neighbours, I'd have to question the intention of your friend in telling you. How did the conversation between the two of you come up?

MrsBB1982 Sat 25-Jun-16 20:48:04

What they may (or may not - this sounds like a shit stirrers dream) be saying about you says more about them than you

redexpat Sat 25-Jun-16 20:48:18

How reliable is your source? If it's true then it's horrible, but you wouldn't be the first person to have gossips. It might not be true, just hang onto that.

In the meantime kill them with kindness. Smile sweetly, wave.

If I had had takeaway near us I would have used them all the time after dc.

hotdiggedy Sat 25-Jun-16 20:48:44

Why the need to comment on take aways Cruchymum? I get you Op, I would be shocked if any of my neighbours were noticing and gossiping about my food choices! I have no idea how often my neighbours get takeaway.

I dont know what to suggest, but they sound very, very small minded people!

P1nkP0ppy Sat 25-Jun-16 20:51:31

This sounds like spite from your raconteur. She's certainly far from being a 'friend' imo.
Head up op, be cheerfully friendly to any neighbours you do meet.

whattodowiththepoo Sat 25-Jun-16 21:02:35

When someone tells you lots of negative things other people say about you, don't believe them.
At best they are a gossip and worst a liar, the neighbour that told you must have been taking part to know any of this and has only just told you.
Don't believe them.

OfficiallyUnofficial Sat 25-Jun-16 21:07:35

A. She could be talking bollocks

B. I bet you have loads of neighbours and if this DID happen then maybe it was 1 or 2 so highly unlikely to be an entire street of bastards. So just ignore them.

C. If it happened then the one telling you must have been there and complicit so you can't trust them they are shit stirring gits.

D. Who cares? Do you have a nice family (yes) and good friends? Well then you don't need the one or two bitchy neighbours do you?

KittensandKnitting Sat 25-Jun-16 21:12:49

Nothing wrong with takeaways at all - ok maybe not every day but when needs must or the will takes you why the hell not.

Making someone feel shit about it when there already obviously very down is just mean.

This person is Iikely just a nasty busy body gossip and just making you feel shit for the drama! Please don't give it anymore thought you have enough going on in your life flowers

Liiinoo Sat 25-Jun-16 21:17:20

The informant sounds like a right stirry cow. IF it was said at all (and I doubt it) it was probably her and 1-2 other insecure cronies having a bitch to make them feel better about their own sad little lives.

For all anyone else knows you and your OH could be eccentric millionaires. Eat the takeaways, enjoy the parking space, cherish your nice flat in a nice road. You are at least as good as anyone else there and possibly an awful lot nicer than some of them.

Optimist1 Sat 25-Jun-16 21:18:51

Ask yourself why this friend has chosen to wait till she's moving away to drip this poison in your ear. As PPs have said, she's no friend. The reality is probably far removed from what she's said - the comings and goings of a new family (especially in a cul de sac) will naturally cause interest and speculation from the residents, but I'm betting that she has exaggerated the reality.

WeekendAway Sat 25-Jun-16 21:21:43

the people opposite us started gossiping with other members in the street that having the baby was the result of a mistaken fumble and that we'd never last.

What the hell? If they don't know you from Adam how on earth did they arrive at that conclusion and more importantly, how do you know about it?

My oh got a disabled bay outside our house put in by local authority as ha cannot walk far, we have no off road parking and it's a cul de sac full of cars. I learnt today they all started meeting to discuss how awful it would be for the road and how we've tarred the street.

Really? for a disabled parking bay? Well let them get on with it because they will get precisely nowhere with that.

Are you sure this person who has been feeding you all this stuff isn't just being malicious and shit stirring? It all sounds a bit far fetched to me. I am amazed people are still talking about how many takeaways you ate for a short period of time 5 years ago. in fact I don't believe it, and you shouldn't either.

RabbitSaysWoof Sat 25-Jun-16 21:22:37

We live in an affluent area on a very middle class street
There's your problem. I used to live in a very sought after area, when my dc got older I wanted more space for the same price, so I moved but had to compromise on area.
I'm now in a rougher less desirable area and my neighbours are fab, so friendly. I feel like I'm part of a community, I've never had that before.
Looking back I wasn't as happy as I thought I was there, in six years I didn't have one neighbour I would call a friend.

AnotherPrickInTheWall Sat 25-Jun-16 21:24:53

Let them talk, sticks and stones and all that. Try to detach yourself from their gossip; they have too much time on their hands .
Their opinion doesn't count. You are doing your best and if that troubles them it's their problem not yours.

TSSDNCOP Sat 25-Jun-16 21:29:23

Well your source was part of these nasty conversations wasn't she?

Even if she didn't participate she didn't speak up to contradict or stop the gossips.

I say ignore. You have a nice flat and a little family. Rise above the alleged comments of strangers.

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