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to tell SIL to get real (Brexit related)

(63 Posts)
spitefulorfair Sat 25-Jun-16 17:43:49

Have NC for this as identifying - but I really want some perspective here as I'm furious and may act badly!

We live in EU country (south med holiday destination to give you an idea). DH, DC and I have been here 11 years. My parents also live nearby. DH and I both work and DC are fully bilingual - parents are retired. We had (as you can imagine) a vested interest in EU referendum and voted to Remain.

SIL (DH's sister) has been a very vocal Leave campaigner - think FB posts, doorstepping for the campaign, posters in window etc... She is ecstatic with the result and is gloating on FB (not at us directly)

Now I get on with SIL - we go through motions of presents, cards, sharing the odd email etc... When we are back in the UK we visit DH's parents and also visit SIL. I wouldn't choose her as a friend but I don't dislike her at all.

Anyway she has messaged me (not DH!) asking if now would be the right time to come out to visit. She has two younger DCs and her DH works away. She has not visited us in the past 11 years (despite being invited occasionally). Her message to me says "well given what's happened I was thinking we should come and visit before things change ... what do you think?"

Am I being stupid here? Does she mean shall she come now because we might not be able to live in X much longer (not the issue by the way - though it may impact on my elderly parents more as they get pension income in sterling) or is she asking for other reasons such as kids may be getting too old or something? I will ask her to clarify.

Either way would I be spiteful to say "jog on" - she has never been here before and her Brexit positioning has really left me with a sour taste. I am still angry at yesterday's result and feeling pretty vulnerable - I don't want to be rude but my gut instinct is to lash out. AIBU to ask what would you do?

constantlycuntinglyconfused Sat 25-Jun-16 17:48:55

Don't make any decisions whilst emotions are running high. Sleep on it for a few nights before replying.

I also lived on the continent for a whilst and I always hated when people came to visit. Even the most loved family and friends soon out grow their welcome.

However, it may be a good opportunity for you and your DH to show your niece and nephew (??) a different way of live, help them see another perspective.

Sorry, that's not much help I know!

wowfudge Sat 25-Jun-16 17:51:42

I understand where you are coming from and agree with pp that you should give it a few days before replying.

ny20005 Sat 25-Jun-16 17:52:32

I think I'd be tempted to goad her by asking what she means ! If you can barely tolerate her for a quick family visit, I wouldn't be letting her come to visit !

DeathStare Sat 25-Jun-16 17:53:17

I'd ask her directly what she means by "before things change"

If she really does mean "before you are forced to return home just as I was campaigning for" (whether that's accurate or not) I'd tell her to jog on and that she should have thought about that while campaigning.

LineyReborn Sat 25-Jun-16 17:54:58

Honestly, I'd tell her to fuck off.

quasibex Sat 25-Jun-16 18:00:23

To be honest I wouldn't entertain having her as a guest but would tell her she's welcome to pop by for a visit if she's staying in a nearby hotel. I really wouldn't be accommodating someone who actively campaigned against my way of life.

spitefulorfair Sat 25-Jun-16 18:11:54

Oh I like guests (not all the time though!) and under different circumstances would go out of way to show SIL and family around and make them welcome but I don't think I can do that now without feeling very resentful.

I have emailed to ask what she meant regarding now being best time and also asked for dates. If she confirms what I suspect I can always say we're busy (coward's way!) or depending on her response I may just explode!

rookiemere Sat 25-Jun-16 18:13:32

I know what I'd be tempted to say, but as she's your DH's sister I think he should respond to her.

JudyCoolibar Sat 25-Jun-16 18:17:05

Maybe she means now would be a good time before the pound plummets further, and before she has to join that pesky long non-EU citizens queue at passport control.

But maybe I'm feeling sour, I strongly suspect she means "Before I lose the chance to get a free holiday with you because you have to come back to the UK."

In either case I would be sorely tempted to tell her to jog on. If she thinks you will have to move back, on any interpretation she voted to make your life more difficult, and is now glorying in the result that has had that effect. I would find that incredibly difficult to be polite about.

GarlicSteak Sat 25-Jun-16 18:19:22

Schedule it for next year, around the time the Bank of England has to stop holding up the currency and all the shit starts biting hard. Ask her for €€€€ towards bed & board 😈

spitefulorfair Sat 25-Jun-16 18:19:58

rookiemere normally I would do but strangely she messaged me not DH (perhaps she thinks I'm a soft touch...getting even angrier now!)

DinosaursRoar Sat 25-Jun-16 18:20:32

I assume she means "before things change" re the leave vote - so either that you have to come back, or if you are granted 'right to remain' in your adopted country, that it might be harder for her to visit if she needs a visa.

DoreenLethal Sat 25-Jun-16 18:21:42

I would probably have responded - 'I thought you wanted out of Europe, now you want to visit? How confusing'.

FranHastings Sat 25-Jun-16 18:23:38

I'd tell her to do one, but then I'm feeling particularly uncharitable towards gloaty Leavers.

Scaredycat3000 Sat 25-Jun-16 18:29:50

I'd defiantly wait until emotions aren't running so high before doing to much. Fuckin' cheek though, very insensitive, yes I'd clarify 'before things change'.

Auti Sat 25-Jun-16 18:33:58

I think she has been at least pretty thoughtless.

Best to put her off politely I think.

lljkk Sat 25-Jun-16 18:37:16

I'd be feeling pretty cheesed off at that, too. (Shamelessly keen to hear what SIL says she meant)

Chippednailvarnishing Sat 25-Jun-16 18:37:26

Dear Sil,

As things have changed, we are now planning our move back to the UK before we get deported. Unfortunately we don't have the resources to host any visitors, however we are really looking forward to you hosting us whilst we are on the council list waiting for housing, upon our return.


rookiemere Sat 25-Jun-16 18:38:13

I'm glad you responded though, will be interesting to see what she comes back with.

happypoobum Sat 25-Jun-16 18:38:52

I would send * doreens* text. What a fucking liberty.

PattyPenguin Sat 25-Jun-16 18:39:26

What Chipped said.

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace Sat 25-Jun-16 18:41:31

I would be honest - but polite:

Given that you have actively campaigned for 'Leave', it's not a great time for you to visit at the moment. I am sure you can understand that the results mean a great deal of uncertainty for us, and I am keen to avoid a falling out because things are very sensitive at the moment. So perhaps best left for the time being. I am sure we'll see you next time we are in the UK.

Becky546 Sat 25-Jun-16 18:43:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wonkydonkey44 Sat 25-Jun-16 18:43:25

If tell her no cheeky bitch!

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