To want my daughter to tell me her degree results?

(269 Posts)
ALaughAMinute Sat 25-Jun-16 14:07:14

Results came out on Thursday and although I've asked her several times she wont tell me so I'm beginning to think the worst. Is there anyway I can find out?

I'm so upset.

Heirhelp Sat 25-Jun-16 14:09:48

I think you need to address the reason she won't tell you. If she has done badly will you supportive?

NerrSnerr Sat 25-Jun-16 14:10:25

It's a tough one, I don't think there's any way to find out as she's an adult. Can you think why she wouldn't tell you? Was she struggling, under pressure or something?

Does she have a job lined up or working now?

I would just let her know that you're here when she's ready to talk and make sure she knows you won't be angry or upset with her whatever the result. I didn't tell my parents when I failed a few exams at university as I knew they'd be angry with me.

XiCi Sat 25-Jun-16 14:10:50

Is there a chance she may not have finished her degree and has to do another year? Or has dropped out?

EsmesBees Sat 25-Jun-16 14:11:11

Why won't she tell you? Is she worried about your reaction? If so tell her you are proud of her whatever happens and she'll tell you in her own time. Don't try and find out from other routes- it will make her feel undermined and there is nothing you can do about it anyway.

Arfarfanarf Sat 25-Jun-16 14:13:29

Why do you need to know?
You may want to know. That's completely understandable.
But what is your need to know what is clearly her private information?
What is your right to override her wishes and get her information from another source because you dont accept her right to not disclose that information?
Because you are her parent?

As her parent do you not think it is important to respect her decision?

She likely doesnt want to tell you because she didnt get the result she (and you? ) wanted. Why do you think she feels she cant tell you? Would you have a go at her? Express your disappointment?

Instead of trying to find a way to disregard her wishes and go behind her back to obtain her information (and use it for what? ) why dont you just give her chocs or something and say I'm proud of you, i love you and if you dont want to talk about it - i respect that.

That's far better than pursuing her information through whatever means necessary because you feel you have a right to it.

PotteringAlong Sat 25-Jun-16 14:15:49

My money is on the fact that she hasn't got them - she's dropped out at some point in the last 3 years and hasn't told you.

MustStopAndThinkBeforePosting Sat 25-Jun-16 14:20:10

Is the university near to you? Results sheets are often publicly displayed if you know where to look. When I worked for a university, data protection didn't cover publishing someone's subject and year of graduation as this was a matter of public record.

But yeah probably best not.

yougotitdude Sat 25-Jun-16 14:24:23

Shes either dropped out, having to do another year or shes done badly.

Has she brought up the topic of graduation and who will be going?

EveOnline2016 Sat 25-Jun-16 14:25:30

I think you should respect her descion not to tell you.

ALaughAMinute Sat 25-Jun-16 14:26:19

I can't think of any reason why she wouldn't tell me other than I recently got divorced and we haven't been getting on lately. That said, she hasn't told my exh either so I can't help wondering if something is wrong. She wasn't struggling as far as I know, in fact she got a very good mark for her dissertation. She hasn't got a job yet but she's looking. She lives with her boyfriend. My exh and I both texted her to ask how she got on but she hasn't replied. On Thursday she said she didn't want to go to her graduation. I can only think the worst.

I hope she knows that we will be supportive parents no matter what the outcome. The only thing I can do is sit here and wait. I feel terrible.

greenlavender Sat 25-Jun-16 14:27:50

They're published aren't they? It used to be in the Times in my day.

allnewredfairy Sat 25-Jun-16 14:27:57

Does she usually withhold stuff from you?
My son operates on a need to know basis and at the age of 26 still refuses to tell me his GCSE results. I stopped asking after he did his A levels although his best mate at the time said he didn't know the actuL grades but he did well which reassured me. I found a printout by accident in his room when he was in his 20s, all As and Bs so I still don't know his reasoning behind it.
I guess I'm trying to say that if she normally doesnt tell you stuff she might be like my son and think it's none of your beeswax but on the otherhand she might be scared to admit either a low grade or failure.
I have no idea how you'd find out without her permission.

PolitelyDisagree Sat 25-Jun-16 14:28:35

I'd really want to know too. It's a bit unfair of her not to tell you presuming you are a normal supportive Mum.

EsmesBees Sat 25-Jun-16 14:29:10

Or you could try calling and seeing if she'll talk to you? If it is a disappointing result and the split is upsetting her it might do some good to know you are there for her.

AnthonyPandy Sat 25-Jun-16 14:29:16

Whatever it is, please don't add to her distress.

user1466861319 Sat 25-Jun-16 14:30:19

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

blitheringbuzzards1234 Sat 25-Jun-16 14:30:46

It's a worry and the fact that she doesn't want to go to her graduation does rather point to a disappointing result for her. Maybe she's too upset to talk about it just yet but may do so in the fullness of time.

MadAboutFourteen Sat 25-Jun-16 14:32:32

Lookout, we've got a badass over here.

EarthboundMisfit Sat 25-Jun-16 14:34:00

Can you text her and tell her she has your support whatever.

PolitelyDisagree Sat 25-Jun-16 14:35:42

Oh you recently divorced. When my parents divorced I just NC them, they obviously didn't care about the family why should I.

shock charming...

ALaughAMinute Sat 25-Jun-16 14:38:44

She doesn't normally withhold important stuff from us that's why I am quite surprised she hasn't told us. One the one hand I want to respect her decision not to tell us on the other hand I feel we have a right to know.

I've tried to find the results online without success so they obviously haven't been published anywhere.

If she hasn't told us by Monday I'm going to phone the uni so see if they've got any suggestions.

user thankfully we are both still in contact with our daughter so that is not the issue.

Tworingsandamicrowave Sat 25-Jun-16 14:43:18

user divorce is not usually something that's done on a whim and sometimes it is done because people care about family and staying together causes distress to all involved. This may not be your experience but don't judge the OP on this.

WipsGlitter Sat 25-Jun-16 14:46:23

Why do you need / want to know? Can't you respect that she has a reason for not telling you.

By phoning the university it makes you found overly invested in her life and a bit controlling.

Has she actually said "I'm not telling you" or just not replied to your messages?

On the other have she may have got shitfaced and be too hungover to tell you!!!

ALaughAMinute Sat 25-Jun-16 14:46:43

Exactly!

I think user is just trying to be unpleasant.

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