AIBU to think this mother has overstepped the mark - bear with me it's a long story!

[user1466794492]

So 4/5 years ago my daughters best friend since nursery suddenly started to bully her with another girl at school. This bullying started in Year 2 and the school handled it very badly and we were unable to resolve the situation. We had also been family friends with this family. Finally we removed my daughter form the school in Year 5 and sent her to another school. She's settled and happy and now in Year 7. I've cut all ties with this other mother/family as obviously we don't share the same values and it was a very traumatic time for my daughter. The other mother tried to be friendly and say hello, etc to me for a very long time afterwards and it got to the point that I just had to blank her completely. She appeared to finally get the message and once the children moved up to Year 7 I rarely see her at the old school but do occasionally as our other younger children are still there but thankfully in different years. My husband has only ever dropped off or picked up very sporadically but she always comes over to him and says hello and hugs and kisses him. He's uncomfortable with this (especially as she never hugged or kissed him when we were friends) but he doesn't know what to do. This week she passed me when I was in the school office, definitely saw me and went outside to where my daughter (the one that was bullied) was waiting with her 4 year old sibling and she went up to them and address him by name, started ruffling his hair and asked my daughter how she was and how her new school was!!! She wouldn't dare do this in front of me so I think it's completetly unreasonable to do this when I'm not around. My son actually asked his sister why this lady was touching him and knew his name. AIBU to think she is overstepping the mark to have contact with my kids, talk to the one that was bullied and touch the other one who doesn't even know who she is, especially when she knows I will not talk to or acknowledge her?

[WhatALoadOfWankers]

Not biting ......

[RubbleBubble00]

What steps did the mum take to stop the bullying?

[user1466794492]

She didn't really do anything we were aware of about the bullying as it continued. Eventiually the school separated then to different classes but the damage was done and it carried on and finally my daughter refused to go to school so we moved her.

[NarkyKnockers]

The hugging and kissing your dh is weird. Why doesn't he ask her why? He can then say he doesn't like it. I would be a bit at her being so ott friendly with the kids but she's not actually done anything wrong there. Was she fully aware of the bullying that took place?

[user1466794492]

Yes she's very aware of the bullying There were dozens of meetings, emails and phone calls with the school. I know DH should tell her how he feels but I think he just gets taken by surprise.

[bangingmyheadoffabrickwall]

I think you are being a bit 'alarmist' and a bit OTT based upon your emotions and anger are still obviously raw about it.

The woman said 'hello' and asked a genuine 'how are you?' question whilst being affectionate towards your son - that is all. She didn't threaten them, insult them, frighten them or cause them any harm.

You need to move forward.

[Ebony69]

YABU. The fact that the bullying continued doesn't mean that she did nothing about it. This happened years ago. You need to move on rather than continue to harbour ill feelings.

[Lonnysera]

Her child did this. Not her. YABU incredibly so. Move on!

[WorraLiberty]

Perhaps she's incredibly embarrassed about her child's behaviour and is somehow trying to 'make amends' here?

She certainly doesn't sound as though she's being nasty, from what you've said.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

I think you need to move on from events that happened several years ago and stop being so dramatic. Your daughter being bullied was shit, I really feel for her but the girl's mother is being nice and polite. I'm fairly sure that if she had totally avoided you after everything you'd be complaining that she was blanking you even though your family did nothing wrong. It's just your anger at what happened in the past, don't dwell on it.

[NeedACleverNN]

Ok first of all I will say I have a bit of a drink but I think I got the gist of this..


You was unreasonable to drop a friendship when it was her daughter that dos the bullying in the first place. She has tried to carry on a friendship when you obviously didn't care.

It was her daughter that was the problem not her...

[grumpysquash3]

Your DH doesn't have to engage in the hugging and kissing.
Probably harder for the DC.

[IfOnlyIKnewThen]

YNBU. Can't say I would be happy about this either. However, with regards to your husband, the first time it happened I can understand him being taken by surprise but after that then he really should have said something or put his arms out to block the hug.

In her defence perhaps your former friend is still acknowledging your daughter as she feels awkward not to. Ruffling your son's hair when he doesn't know her is just weird, especially as you say she wouldn't do it if you were there. I can't imagine trying to engage a child I don't know in this way if I had fallen out with one of its parents.

Sounds to me like she is trying to make the point that she is still on friendly terms with the rest of your family.

[Atenco]

Unless she contributed to the bullying in any way, YABU.

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

Is the problem that it feels like false affection, possibly to ease a guilty conscience? Or maybe your ill will towards her makes you interpret her reasonable actions in this way...

How does your dd feel about her, as the one who was bullied?