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..to charge my DS rent but not DD.

(38 Posts)
Yindeenumnum Fri 24-Jun-16 17:32:57

Ok, this is not as straightforward as it might seem. (Or maybe it is and I have got it wrong). I have NC for this as don't want it following me around but have been here since Pom Bears and NAICE ham and am a regular on The Archers threads. Anyway, here is my thinking.
I live with DH, Dd14, DS18 and (at the moment) DD20.

Ds18 is about a 7/10 on the idleness scale. He is very hard to get to do anything housework wise. Eg. Wash up. He will do this quite badly, leave food in the sink and no surfaces wiped.

Hoovering - he'll do upstairs but not down unless I nag. He took a year out before going to Uni but has just squandered the time in bed until I made him get a job.
He now works at the local large pub/restaurant about 5 days a week 12-4pm then 6-10/11pm. He takes home about £280 a week. Out of which I charge him what I think is a very generous £30 per week. This covers food and utilities. (His girlfriend also stays over two weekends a month)

Now, DD20 is back from Uni. She is a completely different kettle of fish. I don't have to ask her to wash up, she just does it. The kitchen looks like a professional cleaning company have been in. Same with hoovering/bathroom cleaning.

DH and I both work full time. Have done since DD20 was three months. I can't tell you how lovely it is to come home to a clean and tidy house after a long commute ! This ONLY happens when DD20 is home from Uni. When it's just Dd14 (quite helpful but not great) and fairly revolting Ds18, arriving through the door is quite depressing.

So....DD20 is working at same pub as her brother for the summer. Earning pretty much the same money. I told her that I would have to charge her £30pw as I charge her brother that. She insists that she shouldn't have to pay as A. She hasn't wasted her time lying in bed, worked really hard got into a great Uni and this is her holiday.. She needs ALL her money to pay for next year. and B. Her 'rent' is covered in her ability to be competent at housework...and she is saving me and DH from redoing the things DS18 should have done.

DS has not passed comment. - They get on very well, so there will be no falling out with each other over this, either way.

Should I charge or not.

magoria Fri 24-Jun-16 17:35:01

Charge her but then pay her back for cleaning so it comes to nothing?

VeryBitchyRestingFace Fri 24-Jun-16 17:35:21

Do you need the money?

If not, could you charge her a reduced rate and save it for her?

EatShitDerek Fri 24-Jun-16 17:36:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twinjocks Fri 24-Jun-16 17:37:48

YY to magoria - brilliant idea!

mymatemax Fri 24-Jun-16 17:38:35

Yep, charge her & then pay her for cleaning. If it's as good as getting a professional cleaner in then worth the money.

MariaSklodowska Fri 24-Jun-16 17:39:10

Charge her the same and quietly give it back to her at the end of the summer

GodDamnThatTurtle Fri 24-Jun-16 17:39:31

Just say she needs it for uni and leave her to it. I don't think adult children get away with not paying normally but as she is only on holiday and still in uni, i'd let it slide.

He should be helping out though regardless.

eightbluebirds Fri 24-Jun-16 17:42:47

Was going to suggest same as PP. Charge her and pay her for the cleaning

frenchfancy Fri 24-Jun-16 17:44:22

Agree with the others. Rent should be the same for both, but £30/wk for a cleaner sounds like a good deal.

Dammit - my first thought was 'charge her rent but pay her for the cleaning etc', and I thought I was being sooooo wise - but wiser MNers have beaten me to it!

featherpillow Fri 24-Jun-16 17:45:13

I agree that the cleaning she does is her alternative to paying rent.

FortyFacedFuckers Fri 24-Jun-16 17:45:19

I came on to suggest charging her but pay her for cleaning or charge her but give her it back when she goes back to uni, or buy a gift card or something else she needs for uni with it!

snototterly Fri 24-Jun-16 17:46:42

To make it clear you are treating them equally why not charge equal rent and say you will deduct x amount for a well cleaned kitchen/ meals cooked/ hovering etc. This might also have the advantage of encouraging lazy DS to contribute.

RandomMess Fri 24-Jun-16 17:47:00

I think increase your DS rent grin

Then pay your DD for her cleaning. May encourage your DS to grow up and contribute?

DartmoorDoughnut Fri 24-Jun-16 17:47:11

Love the charging her but paying her back idea, sounds fair to me!

Yindeenumnum Fri 24-Jun-16 17:47:30

Sometimes you lot are just geniuses . Why didn't I think of that. ? It's so bloody obvious..
Thank you. ! Charge her the same - which fits with treating each fairly- but pay her for housework.. Which I will also offer to DS (only he won't do it)

I really want to be fair to both of them.

clicknclack Fri 24-Jun-16 18:00:46

Our family rule is that we support adults that are full-time students, those that aren't have to pay their way or support themselves somewhere else.

"Sometimes you lot are just geniuses."

And modest with it! winkgrin

clicknclack Fri 24-Jun-16 18:01:59

I suspect paying DD for cleaning and not DS means he will do even less and do it with even less competence.

TheEmmaDilemma Fri 24-Jun-16 18:13:16

Click, if it gets him his rent back he might consider it. If not, his loss.

Children have to learn.

Yindeenumnum Fri 24-Jun-16 18:16:13

I suspect you are right..but otoh he is the university of xxxx joy to behold in September... I dread him leaving but equally can't wait . He was born messy !!

schilke Fri 24-Jun-16 18:17:58

I wouldn't charge either....sorry, not helpful!

DetestableHerytike Fri 24-Jun-16 18:19:16

Personally, I think a student with a summer job is different to one with a permanent job. So you shouldn't charge her anyway.

After she goes back, your DS needs to understand that part of living together is sharing chores.

IJustLostTheGame Fri 24-Jun-16 18:21:57

I wouldn't charge her, she's saving up for going back to uni.

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