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To Make DS Continue to Play A Sport Against His Wishes

(20 Posts)
Lookproperly Fri 24-Jun-16 16:45:27

DS is 9. This is his second season of playing cricket. Until recently he has enjoyed playing. He isn't particularly good, but has definitely improved and this season has been picked to play for the U10 squad on each fortnightly match (possibly due to his age rather than his talent).

Quite a few of his friends at the club of a similar age have been picked consistently to play for the older teams, and today lots of school friends were picked to play for the school today which involved a day out of school. DS went to the trial and was very very disappointed not to be picked- he maintains that the teacher barely looked at him and picked the same kids as last year, he was very disappointed. I think it is more likely that the teacher picked the better players- although several have gone who IMO are no where near as good as DS.

For the past few weeks DS has been teased by children who play for the 'better' teams and this has really upset him. He has been in floods of tears on several occasions and last night he had a full on meltdown and said he no longer wants to play cricket.

He has agreed to play in the team tonight as he understands he can't let them down at the last minute. After playing tonight I am so torn between letting him drop out (but does that make him stroppy, entitled and a bad sport), or making him go despite him not wanting to (but does that make me a pushy competitive parent).

I want DS to understand how to handle disappointment and accept that he is not going to be great at some things. However, I don't want to be overly harsh and expose him to more of this weekly teasing.

I have made the coach aware. She is going to have a word, but I don't think it will make a whole load of difference and won't change the fact that he is disappointed not to be able to play better.

Any advice very gratefully received......

Cakescakescakes Fri 24-Jun-16 16:48:20

By pushing him to play are you not just pushing him to continue with something that doesn't boost his confidence? It's like making him continue to fail? In his eyes. If he's never going to be naturally good at cricket would he not be better pursuing something he would enjoy and also get some self esteem and satisfaction from? I was never musical but was forced into music lessons and it was absolutely hateful. I had incredible resentment about it and felt that I was a disappointment as I couldn't be musically talented like my parents hoped I would be.

NarcyCow Fri 24-Jun-16 16:53:21

It's not 'being a bad sport' to not want to be teased to the point of tears. I'd let him leave.

feathermucker Fri 24-Jun-16 16:57:17

If he really wants to leave, let him. Let him find his niche in another way. Plenty of other sports/activities/hobbies etc he could be doing.

Nataleejah Fri 24-Jun-16 17:02:19

I think its very bad idea to give up at first disappointment. He liked it so far. Its not like he wants to quit cricket to do ballet instead.

WorraLiberty Fri 24-Jun-16 17:02:24

He has been in floods of tears on several occasions and last night he had a full on meltdown and said he no longer wants to play cricket.

If that's not an exaggeration, then you really need to let him give it up.

Besides, all the time he's playing cricket, he's missing out on trying other things that he might be much better at.

He's only 9. He has plenty of time for find something better for him, if you stand back a bit and let him.

AnecdotalEvidence Fri 24-Jun-16 17:26:22

It's this aspect of sport that I hate. It's what puts people off doing sport.
No don't make him continue if he doesn't want to, he's not getting anything out of it. It's not that he should never be allowed to fail, but he should get something out of the activities that he does.
Everyone should do a sport - but anyone who isn't that good really isn't welcome to participate.

MarcelineTheVampire Fri 24-Jun-16 18:08:30

I'm going to go against the grain here, obviously if he's consistently upset then you should let him leave but he doesn't seem like he is- I do think that kids need to be playing sport and that they need to learn that sometimes you can't just give up/that disappointment happens.

Perhaps he can pick another sport if he's unhappy but I do think it's good that kids are involved in some form of exercise/team sport.

greenfolder Fri 24-Jun-16 18:11:47

Repeat to self

"It is supposed to be fun"

There is your answer.

Jeez

orangeyellowgreen Fri 24-Jun-16 18:15:35

Why should "everybody do a sport" ?
Everybody should get some exercise, that's not the same as taking sides and trying to beat the others. I think competitiveness is a horrible trait, it starts with "I'm the king of the castle" and ends with tribalism and wars. I want my Dc to learn cooperation, not winning and losing.

Ds3 went through a number of sports and group activities before he found the one he really enjoyed andwas good at. If you make your do carry on with this sport, he may not have the time or opportunity to try other sports - and might miss out on the one he'd really love and excel at.

If this was you, would you force yourself to carry on with a supposedly fun activity that was making you miserable and leaving you open to teasing?

TheWitTank Fri 24-Jun-16 18:17:09

Let him leave. This "fun" activity shouldn't be leaving him in floods of tears, stressed and miserable. You have admitted he isn't naturally talented at it. Find him a sport/activity that he really likes and feels good doing.

NoFuchsGiven Fri 24-Jun-16 18:17:18

He is obviously not enjoying it, Let him try different things until he finds what he likes and is good at.

uggmum Fri 24-Jun-16 18:25:22

My ds had a go at cricket. He already had gymnastics as his main sport (15 hrs a week training) and he wanted to try a team sport too.

He played for 2 seasons but he was absolutely rubbish. He just couldn't catch the ball. When they moved to the hard ball it was worse.

He hardly ever got to play because he was so crap at it and he just didn't want to go.

We left and he was fine about it.

Ds is a talented gymnast and it's a case of finding a sport that your ds is passionate about. If he begins to hate it then it will be an uphill struggle and he will resent you for it.

Scarydinosaurs Fri 24-Jun-16 18:25:53

Going against the grain here and going to say- leave it a few days. Let him work out he wants with some distance between the other kids comments and the match.

You may find he comes round to wanting to continue regardless of what nasty things other kids say.

Pico2 Fri 24-Jun-16 18:36:17

I think that choosing to stop something is a valuable experience. It is empowering. I'd let him choose.

Ameliablue Fri 24-Jun-16 18:40:24

It isn't being a bad sorry to not take part in an extra curricular activity that you don't enjoy. I'd let him drop it and try something else

Asheth Fri 24-Jun-16 18:40:44

It's up to him if he plays, but I think you should speak to the school if he's being teased. No child should be bullied out of a sport they like.

ineedamoreadultieradult Fri 24-Jun-16 18:42:42

Can you find a club where they play for fun or have a more strict anti bullying policy. Some adults (coaches, teachers and parents) can be very over the top with kids sport but there are clubs out there that realise that kids are kids and all this stress and back biting is not fair on them.

KP86 Fri 24-Jun-16 18:56:55

Let him leave but choose something else to do instead.

Sport/fun group activities shouldn't make you cry.

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