To ask this from my sons?

(13 Posts)
Whendoesitstop Fri 24-Jun-16 14:38:55

I have 2 sons who are 17 and 19 and a 15 year old daughter but that's not relevant to this post They both have girlfriends same ages as them who are often over our house.

I got back early this morning from a 2 week holiday. Before I left, a few days before I can back and yesterday when at the airport I asked both my sons if we could have no girlfriends over during the day today so I could spend some time with them alone after being away and also so I didn't have so many people buzzing around when I'm trying to chill out after our long flight. But I said they could come over about 8/9ish after we've had dinner.

Woke up this morning to find younger sons girlfriend here, she'd spent the night and still hasn't gone home. I mentioned to my son that I'd like her to leave soon at about mid day and he said he'd tell her but clearly hasn't.

My older son is also going away on the 11th and I've said I'd like him here the day before he goes if poss, and don't mind if his girlfriend is too as we get on well, he said he would be but my younger son says I'm being pathetic and one day they won't live here and I won't see them for weeks and weeks.

I do understand where he is coming from, they are both old enough to not need to see their mummy everyday and soon they will have moved out. But that's partly the reason k want to spend time with them, soon they will be too busy to see me often. I also don't think it is too unreasonable to ask to spend time as just a family from time to time especially when I've been away or they're going away.

What do others think? AIBU?

TheSparrowhawk Fri 24-Jun-16 14:40:09

I think they're teenagers and you're wasting your breath.

meowli Fri 24-Jun-16 14:41:44

YAN exactly BU, but YAB a bit over-optimistic, given their ages!

Whendoesitstop Fri 24-Jun-16 14:43:24

Okay, thank you.

Just want to spend time with my sons, I suppose at some point you have to let go and accept they are no longer your little babies haha.

TheSparrowhawk Fri 24-Jun-16 14:51:15

My advice would be to ease off for now and have confidence that they'll come back to you. If you try to smother them and set conditions on how you spend time with them it'll backfire.

MyKingdomForBrie Fri 24-Jun-16 14:53:01

YANBU for not wanting the girlfriends in the house when you want to chill out, I can't relax with anyone else around. YABabitU for asking son to be in the house the day before he leaves - he might want to be alone with GF and that relationship shouldn't be treated as less important than you seeing him - it's his choice and he should prioritise as he wishes.

No point in forcing their presence and they will want to be around you more if they feel that it is their choice not forced.

Iggi999 Fri 24-Jun-16 15:03:25

Your 17 year old should not have his gf staying when you specifically withdrew permission for this on that particular day.
I am not there yet but cannot imagine wanting gfs to stay over at all unless they live far apart.

meowli Fri 24-Jun-16 15:10:41

I am not there yet but cannot imagine wanting gfs to stay over at all unless they live far apart.

You may not want, Iggi....... I didn't want....... But you get worn down when everyone else's parents are fine with it. grin

TheBouquets Fri 24-Jun-16 15:19:30

I hope I will not be having the b/gfriends staying over at 17. I don't much care what other people do or don't do. I am the householder and I hope my words will be listened to.
I was never allowed such a situation and I don't think I would want an overnighter with my parents (or ILs) in the house.

anaa1 Fri 24-Jun-16 15:21:06

Yes I think YABU though I understand totally why! With teenagers that age, I just think you have to take what they willingly give in terms of their company rather than trying to organise it...

NapQueen Fri 24-Jun-16 15:36:06

I can understand just wanting, say, a family dinner the night after you get back, or before he goes away but outside of that yabu to dictate he is to free up a whole day.

Presumably it was your choice to go on holiday so why try and take a whole day on your return?

Whendoesitstop Fri 24-Jun-16 15:37:16

he might want to be alone with GF and that relationship shouldn't be treated as less important than you seeing him

Although I totally understand that and agree, they have a whole week to spend time with each other alone whilst they're on holiday. And from tonight up until he leaves he can spend much time with her as he pleases anyway, I would just like to see home for a bit before he goes and said I can be with girlfriend too.

He's okay with it though as him and his girlfriend will most likely be here anyway, it's the younger one who doesn't like it.

I am not there yet but cannot imagine wanting gfs to stay over at all unless they live far apart.

Meh, I kind of like them being here tbh haha.

Whendoesitstop Fri 24-Jun-16 15:40:22

I do just want the dinner alone with them and said the girls can come over when I've finished. I don't want them here before dinner because I want to relax a bit and get things together and I don't want them here during dinner because I want dinner alone with them and don't want them rushing becase they have girls waiting upstairs for them. And I'm not asking him to free the who day, I said only if it's possible and I will understand it not.

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