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To not go to this hen do

(18 Posts)
Limegreentimemachine Thu 23-Jun-16 20:37:20

A friend is having a hen do abroad.

It will involve flights (over £100), entry to the activity (which is something I have no interest in), hotel (no hostel available) plus food and transfers. Overall it last over several days and would easily cost £400.

I could go, but I would feel bad spending so much money on myself, and then not taking the children anywhere other than a campsite perhaps. I also have a home renovation to save for. I just don't think I can't justify spending this amount of money.

There is no UK event planned. I'm a close friend of the bride to be, but not a bridesmaid.

Aibu to not go?

The wedding is also abroad, so I'm already wondering if I'll be able to go to that.

Haggisfish Thu 23-Jun-16 20:39:30

Yanbu. I wouldn't go to wedging either!

RaeSkywalker Thu 23-Jun-16 20:39:42

It sounds like you can't afford it. Don't go! Maybe offer to take the bride for lunch before the wedding.

Banana99 Thu 23-Jun-16 20:40:45

Screw people and their expensive hen dos! No, unless you are really close to them or the money doesn't matter to you.
If you don't want to spend that don't. I think it's really selfish to even suggest it

sepa Thu 23-Jun-16 20:41:47

Just be honest and say you can't afford

Sassypants82 Thu 23-Jun-16 20:43:53

In your position I definitely couldn't justify spending that amount on a hen do. My personal circumstances are similar & I wouldn't even consider it. I would probably go to the wedding though.

FetchezLaVache Thu 23-Jun-16 20:45:03

Bride chooses hen do abroad, bride has to accept that costs will prevent some from attending. YANBU.

Limegreentimemachine Thu 23-Jun-16 20:45:17

I don't know if I can justify saying I can't afford it, as i do have the money, I just have other spending priorities.

I wish there was a cheaper option!

Tworingsandamicrowave Thu 23-Jun-16 20:45:44

The hen would probably appreciate your honesty sooner rather than later as it will be quite a lot of organise. If you are close to her, offer to take her for afternoon tea or something, just the two of you.

Smellyrose Thu 23-Jun-16 21:05:25

But you only have a finite amount of money and it needs to be used for something else (family holiday, etc). So you don't have the money for the hen do.

Limegreentimemachine Thu 23-Jun-16 21:13:04

Does that count as not being able to afford it? I guess so. I'll give her a call.

Birdsgottafly Thu 23-Jun-16 21:19:17

She's invited you, because of you leave people out, because you've made an assumption that they couldn't go, they get pissed off and hold grudges.

So the invitation is put out and anyone who can't go, can decline it.

I and people in my circle, my Adult DDs etc, love this sort of thing, but if someone can't go, then that fine and the Bride doesn't expect 'Afternoon tea', or anything else.

fabulous01 Thu 23-Jun-16 21:23:55

I have declined things like this. It isn't just about having children who would need things I jut know it isn't my thing and politely decline. I learnt a long time ago that if if someone doesn't want to be somewhere it is better not to go.

Lazyafternoon Thu 23-Jun-16 21:32:41

Be honest and as soon as possible.

Just say you don't have the money to spend on a hen do. Saying you don't have that kind of money spare is fair enough. You can be honest without saying you could but don't want to spend the money.

It's ONLY a hen do. If you say no then there may well be other people that will also say no, which might lead to a UK night out as well or something. If she is a good friend to you she'll understand.

kansasmum Thu 23-Jun-16 21:35:42

God you have my sympathy. I am trying to get out of a similar hen do!
Yanbu to not go!

marisolgonzales Thu 23-Jun-16 21:45:15


15-20 years ago a hen do was a neal out and a few drinks. If you were really unlucky you'd have the meal at some cabaret type place where there would be male strippers <yuck >.

Now everyone has weekends away, weekends abroad, plus nights out, lunches, spa days, honestly where will it end?!

Just say really sorry, you'd love to celebrate with her but you simply cant afford it, however can you (and anyone else who can't make it) take her out for lunch/drinks/ whatever instead? I think that's pretty reasonable and if I was the bride then as PPs have said, I'd appreciate that financially and practically not everyone would be able to come to a hen do abroad - and therefore not take umbrage if anyone did say they couldn't make it!

marisolgonzales Thu 23-Jun-16 21:46:12

Meal out.
Not a neal out...

Limegreentimemachine Thu 23-Jun-16 22:33:27

Thank you for the understanding.

I agree that hen dos have become very expensive affairs. The previous one I went to cost £200 and it was only a day shock

I didn't want to go but I didn't feel like I could say no. This time I think I will have to!

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