with DH for not cooking?

[buttermymuffins]

Right. dh is currently working from home/consulting/getting stuff around the house done/surfing eBay/doing most of the school runs. I work pt (80%) but work long stressful days that add up to way more than ft. It hasn't always been this way - until 9 months ago he was out at work pretty much 10/12 hours per day & I did the lions share of running around for dss as well as working pt, cooking, shopping etc. Ds1 (11) went on school trip yesterday & had to be dropped off a school @ 6am & collect again @ 6pm. I dropped him off & went straight to work then picked him up at 6pmon my way back from work. Along with his younger brother from ASC. DS1 was obviously tired & v hungry. When we got home dh was at his computer in his office. He didn't come down to see how's ds1s trip went & nothing looked like it had been prepared for dinner. I popped up with sunny disposition to say Hi (office in attic) & just Enquire whether he'd thought about anything for dinner. I get a blank look & a straight no. I asked if he had thought about ds1 had been out all day & was starving & tired. He had a good packed lunch & snacks but no more since 6am. He said no again & I hadn't 'communicated my expectations ' to him. He actually thinks it was my fault that he didn't cook anything for ds1s return. He knew what time we'd all be back home. I explained to him that he is also a parent & therefore needs to consider the basic needs of his dcs without my communication. And also the fact that I'd also been up since 5am & out of the house for 12 hours & didn't really want to come home & start cooking. TWhen he was out for long hours I always, always made sure he/they had a good meal even if I'd had a long day at work. AIBU to currently want to rip his head off for being so selfish, thoughtless & ignorant be in a state of disbelief that he didn't even think about us all? He will always get a meal ready/stick a pizza in (he hates cooking) if he gets the nod from me but doesn't seem capable of thinking like an adult in some cases! Maybe I've brought this on myself but he doesn't seem capable of doing anything outside of his own needs without being asked/told it needs doing. I am so cross with him at the moment (not the first time this sort of thing has happened) I don't know what to say to him.

[callycat1]

I don't think YABU, maybe he doesn't need to provide a five star gourmet meal but he should feed his kids something!

[JellyBelli]

You might have to communicate 'your needs' to him via the means of an efficient monthly wall chart and daily To Do list and see how that goes.

[Thatznotmyname]

Crikey why do some men need thing spelling out like this. Ridiculous, wall charts and daily to do lists my butt! Do sit him down and say from now on I f your at home before me, dinners are your domain. There's also chores that can be fitted in too mate!

[DeathStare]

Wifework again.

No YANBU.

[booellesmum]

Difficult one. My DH would be the same. Perfectly happy to do jobs if asked but just wouldn't think to do cooking/washing etc if not asked. Talking to friends this seems to be a common male trait.
It is easier to remember to leave a note or ask to start the dinner than come home to nothing being done and then feel cross and resentful.
Only you know though if you are happy to do this or not.

[RB68]

he is absolving himself of responsibility by relying on you to tell him what to do when - drives me nuts this one esp when I get "yeah yeah yeah" when I try and gently remind him to pull his finger out.

Beans on toast it is...