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Tight or Justified? Wedding Collection

(219 Posts)
GemmaWella81 Thu 23-Jun-16 10:08:01

The resident office collector is going around asking people to put into one of my colleagues wedding collections. I declined to put in and immediately got questioned why and the obligatory catbum face. My justification is that my colleague invited everyone but 3 people (team of 15) on a hen do abroad. Most people invited did end up going away but I was never invited and as a consequence I don't feel they get should get dollar out of me. I have no issue or bitterness other people going, I'm not that close to the person at all and I think it's tight to expect me to contribute when my presence is not wanted.

Anyway, I'm now being made out as the office scrooge and people are deliberately refusing to answer when I ask why should I.


blueskyinmarch Thu 23-Jun-16 10:10:52

Seems a bit sour grapes to me. Surely you could have put a few pounds in? If you are not friendly or close with the person then they didn’t have to invite you to the hen. If no-one in the office had been invited to the hen would you have contributed?

branofthemist Thu 23-Jun-16 10:13:38

I would have still put in.

You say you aren't close to this person, so why would she invite you? Would you have gone?

Personally I don't like these collections. But I don't pick and choose who I put in based on wether they invited me to something. I just keep it the same for everyone.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Thu 23-Jun-16 10:13:50

Yes, had no one gone on the hen would you still contribute? Do you get on with this collegue?

If the answer to these is yes then I agree, very sour grapes. Just stick a fiver in and be done with it.

Only1scoop Thu 23-Jun-16 10:13:50

It's an office collection I'd pop a couple of pounds in even if I wasn't a guest at hen or wedding.

AnthonyPandy Thu 23-Jun-16 10:14:12

12 out of 15 invited, and you were one of 3 not invited? I totally understand why you didn't give anything.

GemmaWella81 Thu 23-Jun-16 10:14:45

If no hen do.....unlikely to contribute anyway, they all hang out together and socialize. Im very much aloof from them as I don't like the clique and let them get on with it. They've no time for me and likewise. I suppose my point is why people expect money when you clearly have no relationship with the person asking. I should be allowed to decline and it be accepted with grace.

HazelBite Thu 23-Jun-16 10:16:46

Sorry you are being tight, we have all sorts of collections at work and I would give irrespective of whether I'd been invited to the retirement/birthday/wedding party.
I don't think you have done yourself any favours with your colleagues, they won't forget it you know!

GemmaWella81 Thu 23-Jun-16 10:22:38

So generally speaking then... Even though I was one of the ones singled out to not be invited to anything, I should put in anyway? Ok fair enough....

When I asked my friends and OH they completely agreed and 'Damm right, why should you?'. Interesting the difference of opinion.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Thu 23-Jun-16 10:24:09

YANBU. If your presence wasn't wanted, Why should you hand even a pound of your hard earned money
I wouldn't be giving anything either, in those circumstances.
Plus collections are a gift. They're not a tax

DianaMitford Thu 23-Jun-16 10:26:00

Why have you posted this when you have clearly already made up your mind? hmm

Boiledfart Thu 23-Jun-16 10:26:52

No wonder you didn't get invited on the hen do, OP?!!!

You sound a right misery guts looking down your nose at these girls. No wonder they exclude you. You sound jealous as hell.

YABVU and tight fisted.

Mean spirited!

Only1scoop Thu 23-Jun-16 10:28:43

I don't know why you seem so offended about being asked to be honest?

Your obviously not really close but seem really put out not to have been asked on Hen?

When I was office based I would throw a couple of pounds in the collection regardless. Even if just a regular colleague and not a friend as such.

It's a general office collection/card signing chuck a couple of quid in type of thing?

purplefox Thu 23-Jun-16 10:29:01

I wouldn't have put any money in. They'd take your money but they don't want you there?

Boiledfart Thu 23-Jun-16 10:29:08

Your friends and OH are bound to agree with you.

We don't!

You have to go with the flow in an office environment otherwise you become excluded and left out, as you are now experiencing, They will not forget this.

GemmaWella81 Thu 23-Jun-16 10:29:14

Because Diana... I feel I loose either way...

I give then I'm a mug, if I don't then I'm tight.

I wanted to know what others thought. In conversation people I've confided in have fully backed me, yet written down it reads tight to some people.

I out in for all the usual birthdays, charity, special achievements. I made a particular stand on this one as I was excluded.

Nabootique Thu 23-Jun-16 10:29:30

In theory I agree with you, Gemma. Just because you work with them doesn't make them a friend or family member who are the people you would normally buy gifts for to celebrate their marriage. I would actually consider myself a fairly generous person, but I don't know if I would put in unless it's a colleague who is also a friend. Agree with PPs that it won't endear you to your colleagues though.

GemmaWella81 Thu 23-Jun-16 10:29:53

I out?

I put in....


GemmaWella81 Thu 23-Jun-16 10:31:57


I'm not offended at being asked...

More annoyed at the automatic assumption I should put in and no consideration how it's all come across to me.

Boiledfart Thu 23-Jun-16 10:32:22

If you put in you do not lose out. You get to feel like you have made a kind contribution and feel part of a team that is happy for their colleague getting married.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Thu 23-Jun-16 10:33:03

Excluded?! You've said yourself you don't like them and stay out of the way so why do you care that you didn't go to the hen?

If you put in for birthdays etc then you are really just goong to come across as jealous and petty to your team and you'll never be asked to anything ever again!

EdmundCleverClogs Thu 23-Jun-16 10:33:11

I wouldn't give anything to a wedding I wasn't part of hmm. I would sign a card or such, but no one should be obligated to give towards an acquaintance for any reason (bar leaving do, if well liked).

Nabootique Thu 23-Jun-16 10:33:35

I out in for all the usual birthdays, charity, special achievements. I made a particular stand on this one as I was excluded.

Ah, I think that changes things a bit.

Boiledfart Thu 23-Jun-16 10:33:47

Why should the collection be all about you?

Nanny0gg Thu 23-Jun-16 10:34:06

I would put in as I would to any colleague's collection. My relationship with them would dictate the amount I'd give. The lack of invitation is irrelevant in this case imo.

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