Call cut off time for NRP?

(7 Posts)
Welshmaenad Wed 22-Jun-16 23:32:25

Just after some perspectives to see if I'm being fair.

H and I separated approx 7 months now. 2 DC 10 and 6. The DC share a room (their choice). DC spend 4-5 nights a week with me, 2-3 nights with Dad, not usually consecutively due to his work patterns but he's always keen to see them as much as he can and is a great Dad. We are very amicable, kids are very happy and have adapted well.

On the nights they're with me he likes to call and speak to them before bed - awesome IMO. However on a number of occasions he's rung significantly after their established bed time when they're in bed. I started off taking the phone up to them so they could speak to him but it doesn't really work for me because:

It disrupts them as they're falling asleep and they then take ages to settle back down

This results in them making multiple trips downstairs for water/a wee/reports of suspicious spider activity/because one of them is looking at the other funny/because the other one is singing etc etc etc

(This sounds v petty) it's usually just when I've come down from settling them, put a wash on, wiped down the kitchen, put uniform and school stuff ready and have JUST collapsed on the sofa, I then have to trek back upstairs with my mobile, generally the call drops as signal is shit, I spend ten minutes trying to get a decent line then we have to do kisses and hugs again (OK, that bit's nice) and I haul my ass back downstairs again ... I have fibromyalgia and any stairs journeys I can avoid, the happier I am.

I've started saying no to taking the phone up when he rings after they've gone to bed. I did it tonight as I knew they were tired and all was silent so they were asleep or half way there. He's not arsey about it but I feel really guilty. We did try to ring him before they went up but he missed the call. Bedtime is just so busy and stressy that I feel I need to be firm about routine but I feel bad and wonder if I'm being overly draconian. I know it's a minor issue in the scheme of things but AIBU?

EatShitDerek Wed 22-Jun-16 23:33:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PimmsIsMyDrinkOfChoice Wed 22-Jun-16 23:38:49

I think you are being totally reasonable. If their father knows that you start bedtime at 8 and lights out at 8.30, he should ring during that time slot.

Look at it this way... If you are still living together, would he go upstairs to say goodnight to them 45 minutes after lights out?

Welshmaenad Wed 22-Jun-16 23:41:02

I'm just a chronic over thinker Derek grin

He isn't really arsey about anything but that doesn't mean he's not cursing me inwardly. I'm just really really keen to get the 'right' for the kids sake, it's all been pretty smooth sailing so far and they have benefited from us being reasonable. Does that make sense?

EatShitDerek Wed 22-Jun-16 23:58:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rainbowqueeen Thu 23-Jun-16 01:43:34

Can you get the kids to ring him instead at a time that suits you? Or at least offer that?

That would be reasonable

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 23-Jun-16 08:27:19

My Ex used to do this I just used to say sorry she is in bed and remind him that she went to bed at X.

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