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Daughter recieving unacceptable texts from her dad

(12 Posts)
Lauren1204 Wed 22-Jun-16 21:55:48

My ex husband has very limited contact with our 2 daughters by his own choosing. My older daughter who is 10 has recently asked for me to put her dads number into her iPad so she can text him. I've no issue with this at all but after seeing the messages they have been sending each other I'm not happy. He has been sending her lots of texts full of swearing including f*ck etc, and I'm mortified that she's been sending them back. She knows not to swear and is a good girl, and would never dream of sending these to anyone else. Also pictures of people smoking cigarettes and weed?

I text him tonight to ask him to stop and to think about what was appropriate for a 10 year old girl. He just replied go f*ck yourself etc etc and lots of abuse. My daughter is asleep but I will be having a discussion with her tomorrow about this, I don't want to take her iPad from her as I believe it is him who has not been a good role model and she wouldn't dream of doing this with anyone else.

My dilemma is AIBU to want to block his number on her ipad? I think I should but my OH thinks it will cause issues later on if I stop her contacting him.

Younger daughter doesn't have any contact with him other than the hour he will show up at his mums every 6 weeks or so when the girls are there (they go every week).

Not sure what to do, it's hard when one of the people who should be a constant positive in her life is a down and out negative.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Wed 22-Jun-16 21:59:04

I'd block his number on her iPad. She can still text him as often as she likes, but it goes through one of your devices so you can keep an eye on the account.

Also speak to your DD about the language and imagery she uses (but not what her dad does)

EatsShitAndLeaves Wed 22-Jun-16 21:59:09

It's inappropriate - I'd block without hesitation.

BlueFolly Wed 22-Jun-16 22:02:45

You're not stopping her contacting him. You're stopping her contacting him on the iPad. I would stress to her that she isn't in trouble, in fact I would try not to make too much if a big deal of it at all.

Mishaps Wed 22-Jun-16 22:06:50

Block it.

DJBaggieSmalls Wed 22-Jun-16 22:10:27

Pretending to treat a girl like a grown up (including offering alcohol) is a well known technique of abusive men. In any other context that would be grooming. I'd block him until he clean up his act.

Lauren1204 Wed 22-Jun-16 22:16:49

I have blocked it.

The problem is he will never get his act together. I put up with 12 years of abuse, I doubt it will ever change. I am just thankful my OH is an excellent stepfather.

Thanks for all your advice. I will let her text through my phone.

blondieblondie Wed 22-Jun-16 22:20:03

Make sure you take screenshots and save them somewhere

cookiefiend Wed 22-Jun-16 22:21:34

I agree- just don't make it too big a deal. I would also have a word with his mum if you ggetvthisbi on well with her- so that when he gets the chance to speak to swe your daughter without you he does not use it as a chance to complain about you. Explain to her you are happy to let her use your phone as often as she wants so she understands it is not her being punished.

OhWotIsItThisTime Wed 22-Jun-16 22:22:40

Keep records of this. It might be worth ringing the nspcc to ask for some advice on how to handle this.

He sounds like an utter cock.

WombOfOnesOwn Wed 22-Jun-16 22:50:54

I would worry a LOT about sexual abuse in a circumstance like this. Grooming kids to accept the idea of mind-altering substnces and treating them "like grownups" with language and topics of conversation is often a lead-in. Be so, so careful.

trafalgargal Wed 22-Jun-16 23:10:44

Sounds like he's either a complete moron or is doing it to get a reaction out of you.

I'd save the texts in case you need them later - eg to show why you blocked unsupervised messaging. I'd also keep an eye on the i-pad for any new apps like skype or whatsapp appearing and make sure you have your daughter's apple pw.

Other than that now you've asked him to stop and he's refused just block him and keep an eye on other apps appearing.

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