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To be narked off at class allocations fur next year

(26 Posts)
Lymmmummy Wed 22-Jun-16 17:35:35

DC is currently in reception - happy extrovert child more than capable of making new friends - I am more than happy to widen his friendship circle

But I am actually irritated by the school - they have today sent out school list for next year - my DC has been placed in a new class with no other of his friends - fair enough if this separation of friends was fair and equal BUT all other friends have been kept together - in fact in the new class is a group of 5 children who are all friends and whose mothers are in a clique and appear v reluctant to encourage them to play with others. Why have they as a large group been kept together just doesn't seem fair

What really narks me off is the letter the information came with says the decisions had been based on
"Pupil Voice"
"Friendship Groups"
And more similar nonsense implying the decisions have been reached with the children's preferences in mind

In this school they only change class once - so this is effectively it

I am not being pfb don't mind friends being seperated - just think the process should be fair to all - and don't know why they are implying all the stuff about "pupil voice" when my DC is actually now upset and clearly his feelings but taken into account at all

Anyone had similiar -

MerryMarigold Wed 22-Jun-16 17:38:48

I would speak to the teacher and get the rationale behind it, and then tell her your DC is upset. There may be people wanting to swap the other way. The fact they do it now, and not later in the year (we get ours a couple of days before term ends), probably means there is room for manoeuvre.

PeterandJudithSurname Wed 22-Jun-16 17:40:38

I did have this a few years ago. Dd enjoyed reception but was separated from 8 girls she was friends with (lots of friends were kept together.) She found the first half term hard and i considered asking for her to swap classes, but then a new girl joined and she became friends with her and ended up having lots of friends and being happy. I was annoyed at how they did it though.

WankersHacksandThieves Wed 22-Jun-16 17:43:30

That isn't fair, I think they should have halved the group of 6 or done it as a 4 and a 2. Whatever they needed to balance off the class in terms of other factors (boy/girl mix other friendship groups etc.)

It's a good thing that your son is keen to mix with others but it would have been nice for him to have at least one familiar friend in his class.

On the other hand, it might be nice to get away from the clique before it becomes overbearing. Their loss OP.

mynamesnotMa Wed 22-Jun-16 17:47:07

I think your answer is in your first paragraph.

passmyglass Wed 22-Jun-16 17:50:13

I would ask the teacher... You never know if this has been done with his interests in mind: maybe he doesn't actually concentrate that well around those friends or they're not always nice to him and the teacher thinks that being such a sociable thing, he will flourish with some new playmates.

HostaFireandIce Wed 22-Jun-16 17:53:25

I was once the teacher in this situation and (temporarily) broke a little boy's heart! He was similar to your DS and got on well with everyone and I genuinely failed to identify the group he felt he was closest to. I felt awful when his (very cross!) parents pointed out what I had done. We did then fiddle things around a bit so he wasn't so isolated. Is there any chance that this is what's happened here? I definitely think you should approach the teacher. It may have been a genuine mistake like mine and they may be able to switch a few people around.

fuctifino Wed 22-Jun-16 17:58:06

There was a girl in my dd's reception year who moved class whilst all her friend's remained.
She was moved to the class that the teachers perceived had stronger characters. She was (still is) a manipulative little madam who was close to bullying a lovely set of girls in the original class.
She settled okay in the second class after the initial upset and had a good bunch of friends.
Thankfully she went to a different high school as she was massively divisive, it wasn't nice to sit back and watch.

dowhatnow Wed 22-Jun-16 18:00:46

I managed it once where many others had failed. Put it in writing/email to the head. Ask for a reponse back in writing. Be factual, unemotional and polite. It may also be worth enclosing a little note written by, or dictated by, your son expressing how it makes him feel. It worked for me.

PeterandJudithSurname Wed 22-Jun-16 18:04:17

Are you suggesting that applies to the op's dc too fuctifino and that's why he's been moved?

Lymmmummy Wed 22-Jun-16 18:04:30


Not sure what to make of your contribution - my DC is not of the bullying type I don't think so can't see that being the main issue here

I think he has perhaps just been overlooked or it assumed because he is extrovert he can cope in a way other children may find more difficult thus them being kept in friendship groups

My issue is about the pretence around inclusion of pupil voice and such like - and the fact a v large group of friends has been kept together

Will do the email to the head in a calm rationale way

Interested to hear the experiences and opinions

gleegeek Wed 22-Jun-16 18:23:32

Oh I remember this well with my dad. Both her infant and junior schools mixed the classes each year and dd always seemed to be the one left without close friends. There was absolutely no movement allowed so we just had to be positive every year and remind her how well she made new friends each year etc etc. Tough when there were children who stayed together all the way to secondarysad and she never had the close close friendships other dc enjoyed.
Anyway now year 8 she has been at such an advantage as she knows so many dc she has friends in each class, never spends a lunch time alone etc. Infact she said it was weird that she kept her form class this year and actually wished they would mix them up a bit! grin
Talk to the school but if it's impossible to change, it's not the end of the world, your ds will cope I'm sure

Lymmmummy Wed 22-Jun-16 18:38:21

Like I say all for mixing friendship groups happy to expand friendship circle if everyone is required to take part

My annoyance is that a large clique of kids have been kept together and their mothers in this year at least have been v reluctant to include others - and the school insists no more class changes after the first year these children make up over 50% of the boys in the class

Broadly speak the new proposed mix appears to be bit very mixed at all in that smy DC is probably in a minority's of say 10-20% of kids who have been mixed where the remaining 80% have stayed in similar groups and will do so til they leave the school

Secondly I don't like the letter insisting their was a process based on "pupil voice" when my DC insists they were not consulted abd DC is now upset

Lymmmummy Wed 22-Jun-16 18:39:04

Appears not to be mixed - sorry for the typo

confuugled1 Wed 22-Jun-16 18:41:18

How do they find out who the dc want to be with? And do you know who your dc want to be with if he was given the choice? Do they actively ask for preferences or do they just guess work it out as best they can and fit the last few kids in where it's convenient for them rather than the kids themselves?

At the dc's schools (both infant and junior), they have always been told to write down the names of 3 friends that they would like to be in their next class with and that they will try to put them with at least two of those three people. Which means that everybody should have a couple of friends in the class that they have chosen - particularly good when there is a large group of friends like this as it usually means that it can be split into the new classes. (both schools were big - 3 classes a year in one, 6 classes per year in the other, so particularly in the latter one, there could be a lot of new faces in each class).

I would talk to the teacher and ask them to explain to me exactly the process that went on in creating the new classes, because on the one hand you see lots of happy children who haven't been split up from their friendship groups and then you see your dc who is really upset. And that although they say they have used [insert all those buzzwords here], you're really struggling to see how they can have used them for your dc because he has been left really upset and worried about next term (and with several weeks of this term left, and all holidays, that's a lot of time to be stewing about it!) and that you're sure that they didn't mean for this to happen but it has so please can they explain it and explain what they are going to do for him to ensure that [insert buzzwords again] for him personally really have been taken into account because you're sure that they want to ensure that everybody has at least one friend in their new class.

I'm sure they will try some guff about they can't move your ds because all the classes are full, if they move him then they have to move somebody else and that's not fair to them to move them away from their friends and so on...

Just keep throwing their arguments and buzzwords back at them - 'So, you think it's fair for my dc to have no friends in his new class but it's not fair for another child to have no friends in their new class - I don't understand, what is it about my child that means that they are not allowed to be in a class with friends when all the other children are? Why are you picking him out to be the one that is moved with no friends?' and so on.

Hopefully it will be a genuine mistake as mentioned happened up thread and will be resolved - but be prepared to make the teacher - and the head of year and head teacher if appropriate - squirm when you ask them questions if they're not prepared to look out for your child as they have done for the others!

confuugled1 Wed 22-Jun-16 18:41:57

sorry, bit of a cross post with your last couple of posts!

HostaFireandIce Wed 22-Jun-16 18:48:38

And yes, you're right OP - the pretence of pupil voice is annoying. In my example we didn't ask the pupils or their parents (therein madness lies), just tried to do our best

Tidypidy Wed 22-Jun-16 19:17:47

Most schools group children according to ability. I've been teaching for nearly 13 years and have never asked pupils who they would like to be in class with for the following year.

Lymmmummy Wed 22-Jun-16 19:25:35

Yes I would also assume that teachers took these decisions independently and that they would reflect a mix of ability. I went myself to a school that was streamed on ability - not a problem at all

My issue is I cannot see how every other of his friends girls or boys is a different ability or needs to be allocated to a different class from him. I would also think teachers would have kept an eye on perhaps enabling v young children - age 5 to have at least 1 or 2 friends in the new class allocated

The whole concept of pupil voice I think is just a buzz word which is clearly not being followed or has not been at all considered in DC case. Honestly the letter said decisions based on "pupil voice" and "friendship groups" as the first two listed criteria -

CaptainCrunch Wed 22-Jun-16 19:35:13

Sounds like you and your son dodged a bullet, embrace the chance for him and you to ditch the clique and make new friends.

Lymmmummy Wed 22-Jun-16 20:28:30

No all the clique are in my sons newly allocated class and will form 5 of the 9 boys in the class so he has landed right on the billet he has not dodged it -

alltouchedout Wed 22-Jun-16 20:35:02

I had this with ds2. He was placed with none of his friends and with the boy who had bullied him all year. I saw the teachers, they shrugged at me and mouthed platitudes. I saw the head, his class was changed.

Wanderingraspberry Wed 22-Jun-16 20:43:50

This happened in DSs class one year. One boy was separated from his friendship group (5 boys altogether) his mum spoke to the teacher, they apologised and moved one of his friends with him. These things happen you may be able to sort it quite easily.

Notsure1234 Wed 22-Jun-16 21:13:15

This happened to my dbro last year. To be fair he was a right nuisance in his friendship group of 4 but he wasn't happy to be the only one moved. Dm was especially cross as there are 3 classes so they could have been mixed right up if necessary but weren't. She didn't mention it though and it's turned out for the best, rather than the teacher requesting to see dm for bad behaviour all the time he now gets star of the day awards etc.

I think kids are pretty adaptable and I'd leave it if it weren't for the cliquey group. I can see why you'd want to steer clear of that.

fuctifino Wed 22-Jun-16 21:21:12

Ooh no, I wasn't implying the OP's ds was 'not nice', I was just giving a reason I know of for class changes.

We had another move one year and it was so a boy would be in a male teacher's class, his mother requested that one.

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