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To give up on this friendship?

(6 Posts)
Fishandchipsandchips Tue 21-Jun-16 22:05:29

We've been best friends for over 10 years. She's always been a bit unreliable, cancelling plans at last minute, forgetting plans, usually always always late ect.. I'm quite a pushover laidback so never really bothered me too much.
This is the fourth time in the last couple of weeks that she has made plans with me and then I just haven't heard from her, no explanation at all just completely goes silent on me, when she's done this in the past I at least will get a message a day or two later saying she forgot or whatever but it's literally been nothing and then maybe a week later talking to me like normal. All 3 times have annoyed me it's just this time has really got to me, we saw each other on Wednesday and I was a bit of a mess, my brother had been taken to hospital and it was serious, doctors at that point had no idea if he would make it. She knew I was going to visit him in hospital on the Friday so she suggested I come over Friday evening and have a drink together to calm me down, she mentioned it twice. Friday comes around and nothing.... 4 days later still nothing, not even a quick text to ask how my brother is, he's fine now but she doesn't know that. (She's been online so I know she's fine and working phone)

I know this is partly my fault, it's not like I have called her out on this when she does get back in contact with me, I'm really terrible at confrontation and she's quite hot headed I know she'll just be full of excuses.

Reading this back I sound like a door matt, and I know I need to grow a pair and talk to her about this but the thought of doing that really does make me really anxious, I have no idea how to go about it either

pictish Tue 21-Jun-16 22:11:53

I had a friend just like this once. Had.

I don't wish her any ill...I still think she's a funny, engaging person...but after being let down and blown off one time too many I stopped bothering with her. When I stopped making the effort the friendship died on its arse. I get a text about once a year suggesting she come out and see me, I agree and ask her to let me know when. I never hear back. I don't expect to.

I don't miss it.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 21-Jun-16 22:13:58

I would forget her, she sounds very flakey, unreliable and not a good friend.

Coughingchildren5 Tue 21-Jun-16 22:15:15

Sorry about your brother but glad he will be ok.

Sorry, but I think you are being unreasonable and acting out on her because of the stress you were under .

Why are you so sure she wasn't sitting in waiting for you on Friday?

Perhaps the way you came across on Wednesday made her feel she should wait until you got in touch rather than chase you for updates.

After 10 years, you know what she is like and it isn't fair to set up an expectation for her that you know she won't meet and then Judge her for it.

Enjoy your friendship for what it is but don't expect her to be a punctual person who plans social events in detail in advance and you won't be frustrated.

Fishandchipsandchips Tue 21-Jun-16 22:36:34

I know her well enough to know she certainly wasn't waiting in for me, I wouldn't have heard the last of it if she was. She 'forgot' like she has been doing recently.

DJBaggieSmalls Tue 21-Jun-16 22:42:39

Thats not much of a friendship and you could have done with some support. The fact that you feel nervous about saying something suggests theres a power imbalance in this relationship.
If it were me I wouldn't bother contacting her again, or calling her out. I'd start to put a distance there and look around for new friends. flowers

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