Meanness

[Wellbooukk]

I have been on this site for a little bit watching, reading gaining advice etc but one thing that has really put me off posting more is the complete and utter B**chyness of some of the people on here!!!!
We are all human I get that and we are each different!

BUT!
We are all also mums I am not saying that we must agree with 100% what everyone else says, or that we do not have difference of opinions.
however those aside I have seen some incredibly immature responses on here.
For example "aren't you a horrible person"
"Wow you sound ungrateful"
To right down nastyness and picking on someone else's spelling grammar or punctuation.
We are not here to judge one another but support and lately I have seen little of that I have seen however plenty of judgemental people lots of b*tchyness.
And in some cases general cyber bullying
Is this reasonable? I thought we were here with one thing in common?
Motherhood not meanness

[SpeakNoWords]

If you think the talk guidelines are being breached then report the posts concerned.

Also, you can swear if you like! If you put asterisks in words it can result in accidental bolding of text lke ths....

Sometimes people are too judgemental on here, I tend to either ignore those posts, or call them on it if I can be bothered, or report if necessary. I don't see it as a huge issue though. Plenty of support is available on the various sub-topics - I've had lots of help without judgement on threads in Infant feeding, parenting, behaviour & development for example.

[Costacoffeeplease]

I'm not a mum

If you see a post that you think breaks the guidelines, then report it

[YouAreMyRain]

AIBU isn't the best place to avoid people being mean

[TheDuchessOfArbroathsHat]

Are those * meant to disguise the word you're using?

[pleaseholdyourcallisimportant]

Take it up on the thread? AIBU as a topic is not mean - the posters make it mean. A bit like FB isn 't the cause for decline in society it is merely the vehicle. If you don't like what you read - challenge it.

[MiffleTheIntrovert]

I love these threads.

I sometimes think about going over to the MSE forums or somewhere and starting a shouty post in this sort of fashion:

Your all just wankers!!!!! Ive been reading for five miinutes and your doing it wrong!!!!!!!!

[yourmothernotyourfriend]

I agree that there are some serial offenders on Mumset who do seem to delight in rattling people's cages with snarky comments without being downright worthy of reporting. Sadly, this is no different to the world beyond cyberspace - there will always be people who delight in poking at others to get a reaction. The best thing is to deny those guilty of it the oxygen of that reaction by ignoring them - they will soon move on.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Report if you see a mean post.

[MrsJayy]

People swear its not a big deal i keep swearing to a minimum but im like that in real life you just start to ignore the swearing. people tend to get a bit carried away behind a screen and say what they think if you think some poster has overstepped report them but i think to say we are all mums (we are not) and should support each other is a tiny bit naive

[KittensandKnitting]

I moved her from netmums...

Yes it is true some people are bitchy and quite nasty, I have also had moments where I have really found what people have said bullying and extremely unpleasant but that is what the report button is for.

On the whole people say it how it is and I'm not so niave to think that I am perfect and sometimes people being exceptionally honest in a constructive way can really make you actually think from a different perspective.

[KittensandKnitting]

Love the fact you draw the line at saying Netmums usual

It's a sugary sweet place akin to the hell of a child's soft play centre :)

[MrsJayy]

Motherhood does not define us as women just because you have a child doesnt make an instant bond with random poster

[ilovesooty]

We are not all mums.
There's a report button.
Or you can challenge on the thread as I did last night - and that was in Chat.

[WorraLiberty]

I moved her from netmums...

Had to laugh at this typo Kittens

I thought you'd moved the OP here from netmums

[KittensandKnitting]

LMAO... That is funny!

For the avoidance of doubt I take NO responsibility for this lady :) just me I signed up and left within a few minutes lol

[CruCru]

I like MN a lot but I know what you mean OP. Sometimes it feels as though the dogs of war have been released.

[WorraLiberty]

That's disappointing Kittens

I was hoping to send you a list of suggestions for people you could move from here, to there

[KittensandKnitting]

I may already have a mental list haven't worked out how to get them there yet though...

[shovetheholly]

It shocked me too when I first joined. And the odd post continues to do so.

I think that a great virtue of the site is that it's straight-talking. There is something powerful about that. The downside is that straight-talking can sometimes become a kind of cold and clinically delivered form of abuse, and (even worse) a pack mentality tearing someone to shreds. I'm not talking about posts that get 'reported' necessarily - for me, many of those that aren't moderated out cross that line. There's also a tendency, in common with just about every other internet forum in the world, to shade out the grey areas of life and to simplify things into black-and-white terms.

However, perhaps that is just me being over-sensitive, and maybe you can't have the straight-talking side of a site without some posts that will cross a line, because if you start taking those down, you lose the ethos.

Also, it varies forum to forum. The Gardening forum is lovely and supportive. Relationships tends to be softer and more compassionate than AIBU, which personally I could live without but others clearly love.

[MrsWooster]

Like pp said, we are women (and men) not mums. Some of the best people I know aren't parents and some parents are utter cunts. HTH.

[BennyTheBall]

Honestly! I don't get why people post threads like this.

MN is a really supportive place when necessary. It's also witty and acerbic.

If you want wall to wall niceness and asterisks in swear words, it may not be the place for you.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

I am not defined by motherhood. The fact that I am a mother does not mean I am going to agree with someone who has views that are completely different to mine just because they are also a mother.

I don't like gratuitous rudeness and spite and will report posts on that basis. e.g. ad hominem attacks

I do like a bit of fucking gratuitous swearing.

I also like being on a site where I can swear and use latin in the same post