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To get upset after all this time

(18 Posts)
sonlypuppyfat Mon 20-Jun-16 16:46:53

DD is having trouble at school with some of her friends typical teenager falling out. Well it's all reminded me of my school days and what unending misery that was, I was never one of the cool kids I never had the right clothes etc and I was picked on and humiliated everyday. This was 33 years ago ffs I should be over it now shouldn't I?

ineedamoreadultieradult Mon 20-Jun-16 16:50:30

I can't help really just wanted to say I had a bad time at secondary school and even now can't walk past a group of teenage girls without staring at the floor and waiting for the name calling to start (which it obviously doesnt) I am 32! blush

EveryoneElsie Mon 20-Jun-16 16:55:11

I met my old school bully a few years ago and she hasnt changed a bit. confused Uggh. It brought it all back, the injustice. the fact she managed to isolate me from my friends using fear.

Its likely you had to suck it up at the time so never really got to deal with it. Its not unreasonable to feel it now. I had some counselling. I vented, got some distance and it helped. flowers

passingthrough1 Mon 20-Jun-16 16:58:38

I can still get upset about high school when I think about it. Just makes me so determined that I won't let my child go through the same ... If it's bad, I'll pull them out.

sonlypuppyfat Mon 20-Jun-16 17:19:19

Teachers used to join in too, I still don't trust them, bad isn't it

AristotlesTrousers Mon 20-Jun-16 18:00:45

Nope, not unreasonable at all, OP.

40 here and it still bothers me most days. I think it's the injustice of it all, that there's nothing I can do about it. It's like there's unfinished business.

I can take some comfort in the fact that I'm actually pretty cool, and if I came across any of the old bullies now, they'd probably think I was alright. But it still hurts a bit, because I'll never get those years back. Kind of makes me appreciate my life now, but it doesn't make up for it.

I totally get it. flowers

sonlypuppyfat Mon 20-Jun-16 18:09:51

Thanks Aristotles I was telling my DM about it all today and it all just flooded back

AristotlesTrousers Mon 20-Jun-16 18:45:06

Being a teenager is traumatic at the best of times, and you want the best for your daughter, which will be bringing it all back. At least you can be there for her if you think she's struggling. Was it helpful to talk to your mum, or not?

sonlypuppyfat Mon 20-Jun-16 19:02:10

I don't think my mum realised at all what it was like. She is a lovely mum but she was pretty clueless about sorting things out for me when I was a kid

CarpeJugulum Mon 20-Jun-16 19:07:14

Totally get that feeling. The fear in the pit of your stomach, the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've had counselling and I still get teary about it.

I recognise that I certainly didn't help myself in respect of clothes and language, but then I didn't know better; and my mum was very old fashioned so it was normal for her, but not for the time I grew up in. That being said, there is never an excuse for bullying.

sonlypuppyfat Mon 20-Jun-16 21:25:28

It just stays with you for years doesn't it

AristotlesTrousers Tue 21-Jun-16 06:27:44

I know everybody says this, but have you ever thought to have counselling? Might help to work through some of those feelings.

I don't know that the feelings of inadequacy ever go away though. I've been in situations since where I've been 'popular' (which is all I wanted at high school), but because there's a seven year gap in that crucial time in my life, it's never filled it. But it helps to talk, even on here.

Sparklingbrook Tue 21-Jun-16 06:34:15

I felt exactly the same when DS went through a rough patch at school. I was bullied for similar reasons to you sonly and always felt an outsider. It's horrible to see your own child struggling when you know exactly how they feel.

sonlypuppyfat Tue 21-Jun-16 07:37:52

I just want to keep her home forever, life can be rotten why do people make it worse? I don't understand it at all

KleineDracheKokosnuss Tue 21-Jun-16 08:07:18

It's not unusual to get upset later if you had shitty schooldays. It took me two decades to get over mine and I still never go 'home' unless there's no other option.

To help your DD, maybe you can help her develop interests outside of school? If she has an active social life elsewhere it will give her confidence and also mean she's less of a target within school (it could get her into the quirky camp rather than the 'out' camp).

sonlypuppyfat Tue 21-Jun-16 11:55:45

That's a really good idea I will talk to her about that tonight

Jayfee Tue 21-Jun-16 12:36:39

Don't want to get too academic, but we all have our inner child within us. A lot of how we feel and what we do as adults comes from earlier experience.

Jayfee Tue 21-Jun-16 12:38:50

I have to tell a quick story. When my daughter was younger, i went to speak to the head about her bring bullied. He started talking about how hewass bullied as a child and his eyes filled with tears.

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