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WIBU to cut all ties with my uncle?

(2 Posts)
PinkyofPie Mon 20-Jun-16 13:18:23

I have an uncle on my dad's side who I knew well-ish as a child, and when I was a teenager he moved to South Africa. I didn't speak to him again until dad died a few years ago and I tracked him down to tell him. He now has a 12 year old son, he is the RP and his son sees his mum in school holidays as she loves several hours away.

We spoke now and again after that, although aspects of his personality have made me very uncomfortable.

For example when I was pregnant I told him out potential baby names and then got a very upset email that I wasn't giving the baby a "family name" hmm. Then I was very ill after giving birth to DD, I had to have surgery and blood transfusions so was practically a zombie a few days afterwards. I slept a lot so didn't really look at my phone much. He'd tried to call me several times to speak to me after giving birth (my mum had rang to tell him the news and also told him I was very ill) but I missed them and I got several aggressive voicemails asking why I was ignoring him confused

He visited the UK a couple of years ago with his son, and came up to see me with one days notice. I'll admit I didn't enjoy the visit. We took him to our local family pub for food and he spent he whole time making loud, racist remarks and pervy comments about attractive women passing (he's 69 - not that it makes much difference!). And ignored us when we asked him to stop. He wanted us to look at old holiday photos and talk about dad when we were at home, which I was happy to do, but was aware that his son (10 at the time) may find this boring so I gave him my iPad to play with and also put Netflix on. My uncle said he wasn't allowed as "that stuff rots your brain" so my cousin had to sit for hours to us talking, clearly bored shitless. He is also a devout Chrsitian and spent the whole time telling me I need to be one too (despite explaining I'm an atheist) because if not me and DD will go to hell. When out sightseeing the next day he found "converting to Christianity" leaflets and opened my handbag and put them in, which I thought was very rude.

I haven't seen him since but he decided he was moving back to the UK (not near us) and returned earlier this year with his son. A few days after he returned he was arrested. He had not even told his ex-wife he was moving, so when she tried to call and there was no answer she panicked and visited the house, where the new owners explained my uncle and cousin had moved back to the UK. None of us had any idea, we assumed she gave her permission (which he is legally required to obtain before taking his son out the country). Apparently he knew she'd object so didn't bother telling her.

A judge decided to have my cousin taken back to SA to his mum, as my uncle was seen as unfit and a potential danger. He is now apparently fighting to get him back over to the UK. He has always considered himself above the law, when we were kids we had a family holiday to Turkey and he smuggled weed over. He was also under house arrest for the kidnapping but went to visit my brother 400 miles away.

He sent me a text a while ago about how he'd love to speak to me, cousin is very traumatised by what the courts are putting him through and it's a load of nonsense and he (uncle) is a victim of injustice hmm. At the time I ignored it as I was furious with him for pulling that kind of stunt and didn't feel like I could support him. I've had an email this morning saying cousin is very upset that I haven't been in touch, and how he would also like to speak to me as he's hard a very hard time (then going on about how the "system is a joke" again). It's very demanding, he's includes his ex wife's phone number so I can call cousin.

WIBU to reply and say I don't want you contacting any more me as I don't agree with your choices and you make me uncomfortable, and I can't support you kidnapping your own child and don't want to have to talk about it with you?

In terms of my cousin, I feel deeply sorry that my uncle has put him through this and would like to check he's OK but don't feel comfortable phoning his ex - I can't imagine any of it has been nice for her. And I doubt he's upset I haven't called him, I've only met him once, I suspect it's my uncle garnering sympathy!

talllikejerryhall Mon 20-Jun-16 13:28:13

People like this are black holes of chaos, and will happily suck you into their maelstrom.

Sad that your cousin and his mum are forced to deal with your uncle's behaviour, perhaps it might be worth texting her to say hi and to offer support if she needs it, while bypassing uncle entirely?

The uncle I would go NC with, I have dealt with a few of these kinds of people due to my parents' chaotic choices and things don't get better with them.

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