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To be upset that none of my friends ever have anything nice to say about/to me?

(18 Posts)
YearlyFloralMug Mon 20-Jun-16 02:11:09

I feel as though none of my friends ever have anything nice or complimentary to say about or to me, yet are always complimentary towards each other, and I find it very hurtful. I am always nice about friends, and say nice things to them, compliment them on things and generally try to be an upbeat and positive person, and a caring decent friend. I know you shouldn't give to receive and I truly don't do that...however it is hurtful that no one ever has anything positive to say to me.

My friends, I find, fall into two groups; either friends that make honest comments all the time about me but the honesty is always negative honesty, and then friends who do not do this but whilst are nice and complimentary towards others, are not to me!

I will give a few examples.

Firstly one of my oldest friends, whom I have known since I was a teenager, said something years ago referring to me as "not that ugly", and I feel like our friendship always has undertones that she thinks I'm ugly as she regularly alludes to this. She is very negative about everything I do; and always has to piss on my chips about everything.

I have a group of 'mum' friends that I met through my DD's school. I have recently lost four stone in weight and not one person in this group of friends has mentioned my weight loss, even though I have mentioned a couple of times that I have been doing Slimming World and that I have lost four stone. When I said I'd lost four stone they all just sort of did that nodding, raise eyes type thing but none said so much as well done. I wouldn't mind so much if it hadn't been for the fact that another friend from that group of friends has lost two stone, and they have all gone on and on about how great she looks, how gorgeous she looks, and how she's done so well, even saying to me "doesn't she look amazing?" whilst not acknowledging my weight loss at all.

On Thursday last week it was sports day at DD's school and I stood with some of those mums (we all have daughters in the same year) and they were full of compliments about each others' daughters "X's hair looks lovely like that" and "Wow, Y ran so well in her race" but none of them said a word about my DD, even when she won her races.

Plus there is all the usual FB political stuff where very few people ever say anything nice about anything of mine, yet gush over one another's.

AIBU to find it all hurtful?

lolo14 Mon 20-Jun-16 02:20:30

I can see why you'd feel upset but it sounds like you've managed to land a group of mum friends that are clique like. Sod that! Who cares what they think? Is there anyone else in your life that does compliment you?

groovergirl Mon 20-Jun-16 02:57:46

Blimey, Yearly, these do not sound much like friends. YANBU to find their indifference hurtful.
You've lost FOUR STONE? Translating this into metric for my Australian brain, this is 28 kg -- an astounding amount. You must feel, and look, so amazing. What does it feel like? flowers
Sorry you are being overlooked and ignored. You are doing all the giving with nothing in return. Time to stop all that, focus on yourself and your brilliant return to fit form, and find some new friends via new activities. Go dancing or do a half marathon.

swelchphr Mon 20-Jun-16 03:22:35

I agree that they don't sound much like friends. Great job on your weight loss!

Buttock Mon 20-Jun-16 03:30:33

Sorry but they're not your friends. Do they bring anything to your friendship? Because I'd cut them off and start calling them out when they make their "honest" rude comments.

Life's too short to play the primary school friendship game again. Just free yourself and be happy.

Btw, losing 4 stone is amazing! Well done, and I bet you look fabulous. flowers

VinoTime Mon 20-Jun-16 04:10:31

First of all - massive congrats on the 4 stone weight loss, OP. That is incredible. Well done! I'm starting SW tomorrow - am a bit nervous about it tbh. I've got 4 stone to lose to get to my 9 stone goal and I'm dreading it. I have no willpower! grin

It actually sounds like you're in a very cliquey group. It also smacks of undertones of jealously, to me. It's amazing what people can find to be jealous over and it's such a horrible trait. What's your life in general like, Yearly? Do you have a nice lifestyle, fab husband/partner, good job, fancy car, big house, children who achieve well, lovely holidays, expensive clothes, etc? Anything at all that might bring out the green eyed monster in others because maybe you've got it just that little bit better than them?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Mon 20-Jun-16 05:53:14

Morning OP. You don't actually have friends. What you have is a bunch of acquaintances who have spotted you as the needy anxious one, who can be dumped on, belittled and asked for favours.
Dump the lot of them publicly and and as raucously as possibly.
Amazing weight loss.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 20-Jun-16 07:12:50

Yup, none of them sound like friends. If you're willing to cut off the old friend, I would challenge her first.

tibbawyrots Mon 20-Jun-16 07:54:15

4 stone weight loss is incredible! Well done you! grin

AgentProvocateur Mon 20-Jun-16 08:18:35

Change your friends. And well done on the weight loss.

MarcelineTheVampire Mon 20-Jun-16 11:47:40

That weight loss is amazing!!

These people are not your friends. You need to stop socialising with them immediately.

KittensandKnitting Mon 20-Jun-16 11:49:27

Congrats on weight loss

These people are not your friends

Babyroobs Mon 20-Jun-16 11:51:05

That is odd for none of them to comment on your weight loss. I would always make a point of congratulating someone as I know how hard it is. perhaps they are jealous. Well done on your weight loss, you have done amazingly well.

gamerchick Mon 20-Jun-16 11:55:21

They're not your friends. You need to surround yourself with people who add something good to your life, anyone who helps you feel glum needs to be ditched.

Well done on that weight loss that's bloody brilliant!

gandalf456 Mon 20-Jun-16 12:02:23

They sound horrible. They're not only doing it to you, but your DD so, for her sake, so as not to send the message that this behaviour is OK, you need to find nicer friends. And they don't sound 'honest', just bitchy.

Buttonmoonb4tea Mon 20-Jun-16 12:06:27

The weight loss is amazing and I bet you feel great. As others have said, these aren't friends I'm afraid. Your "oldest" friend isn't either, how awful to say you're not that ugly. I had a friend who referred to me as the gruffalo one night because of what I was wearing, she'd already started to piss me off with her pretentiou, shallow and materialistic outlook she had developed in recent years, but this comment was it for me. I've distanced myself from her, and although we are in a wider group of friends, I will not be close to her again. If she ever asks why we aren't close any more, I'll gladly tell her why. I'd advise that you do the se. Life's too short to be around people who make you feel like shit flowers

LazyFemme Mon 20-Jun-16 12:07:03

These are not your friends. Cut them off and start looking for people who don't treat you like shit

EveryoneElsie Mon 20-Jun-16 12:10:33

That 'niceness' is fake. Its not a genuine compliment, it doesn't reveal their true feelings, its the behaviour of a clique.
No one is always nice. Real life isnt that black and white.

Dont let them bother you. Just keep being yourself , and try to meet new people.

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