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AIBU - and "me, me, me" about friend's new baby?

(45 Posts)
Bigoldsupermoon0 Sun 19-Jun-16 18:54:33

My closest friend has just (Friday night) had her first baby. She Whatsapped me at 3am to say "Hi, we've been blessed with a gorgeous baby [sex], weighing in at [weight]"

She was online when I saw the messages and responded in the morning - sent her a load of love-hearts, a big congrats and asked if she, baby and labour were all OK. Told her baby was lucky to have her as a mummy. She saw the messages and went offline.

Over the course of the day, she was on and offline every 10 minutes or so. I messaged her again later, just once about 12 hours later, to say I hoped everything was going OK, and that I was thinking of her. Again, she saw the message and went offline - she was online again about 10 minutes later and throughout the evening.

In the morning, I get a text saying, "Hi, sorry, mega busy yday and unsettled overnight, otherwise OK. Birth went a bit crazy, still managed decent delivery."

I replied to say as long as they were both OK etc. and to take it as easy as possible and let her family look after her. Again, seen, no reply.

AIBU to feel really hurt? She's not sent me a picture of the baby, or told me its name, but her sister has uploaded a photo to Instagram, so apparently I'm second to social media.

When I had my baby 18mo ago, friend was one of the first to know - at her request, she got a message as soon as baby was here, a pic and another text once we'd settled on a name. She was going to be my birth partner but ended up having to be away.

I've been busier in the last 18mo than I would've been previously, but I still thought we were close. I went over to see her a couple of times recently, and things were all good - took flowers, chocs, did her hair and eyebrows etc. and was looking forward to seeing her again soon.

Half of me is really upset and wondering if I'm actually not as good a friend as I'd thought, and half of me thinks I should stop being selfish and ridiculous bc she's literally just had a baby two days ago.

Smack some sense into me, please, but don't smack too hard - already smarting a bit!

Arcadia Sun 19-Jun-16 18:57:41

I think people can feel strange after they have given birth. I was certainly not right for a few weeks and didn't want to see or speak to anyone. Maybe that isn't the case for her, but you just don't know what is going on. Sorry you are feeling hurt but I would just give her some space and let her come to you rather than worrying too much about it.

Arcadia Sun 19-Jun-16 18:58:33

Also if the labour wasn't great she may not feel ready to talk about it

OutDamnedWind Sun 19-Jun-16 18:58:54

I think you know you're BU. She's just had a baby!

She may also not know that her sister has posted on Instagram. Or not keeping track of who's been told what, beyond family. Sounds like she's had a bit of a rough time.

So in the nicest way, get a little grip you dafty wink

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sun 19-Jun-16 19:00:26

I agree, just give her space.

She hasn't done anything wrong, her actions just haven't met your expectations.

Sorry your hurt though, hopefully it won't be long before you're getting squashy newborn cuddles with the baby.

Nectarines Sun 19-Jun-16 19:00:27

She's just had a baby! Replying to friends won't be a high priority. She said she's busy, unsettled, birth wasn't easy. That's explanation enough for her lack of responses.

Marmitepasta Sun 19-Jun-16 19:00:52

Sorry but I think yabu. She only had her baby 2 days ago!!!!!!! You don't know how she's feeling / coping etc. even if she has been online that doesn't mean she can face replying, even if you are really good friends! Some people can be completely all over the place after birth; you're very lucky if you weren't.
It's only 2 days!!!!! Give her some time to recover!

BabyGanoush Sun 19-Jun-16 19:01:05

Bloody hell OP, don't be so needy.

After my first DS I felt like I had been run over by a truck and wandered around like a zombie.

God you are quick to write soneone off!

AgnetaTheViking Sun 19-Jun-16 19:01:27

You're being utterly ridiculous, but I think you know it. She gave birth less than 48 hours ago. Give the poor woman a chance.

Binglesplodge Sun 19-Jun-16 19:02:07

Eek. I don't want to be harsh: I can tell your feelings are hurt, but with the best will in the world messaging friends is probably the last thing on her mind. Getting your head round having a baby is immense: is she even out of hospital yet? It's not like you've asked her urgent questions and she's leaving you waiting for answers. If I were in hospital, exhausted and emotional with a newborn I'd read your message, be glad you were thinking of me and think no more of it. She may well be far too overwhelmed to want to get into a conversation.

I'm sorry you're feeling slighted but I think you have to let her do her own thing. It's not about you. 48 hours into motherhood her life isn't even about her any more!

AnnaT45 Sun 19-Jun-16 19:02:32

I can see why you'd be a little hurt but you're being a bit unfair. She probably doesn't have time to reply but can quickly read. She will be getting loads of messages and may also be in pain after the birth. It's unfair to think she had anything to do with the Instagram post?

I would just leave her be and give her a week or so. Everyone is different after birth so try not to compare.

LightDrizzle Sun 19-Jun-16 19:02:50

Yes. YABU.
She Whatsapped you at 3.00 am after the birth?! As you say, she had a baby two days ago. She's already messaged you twice in that time.

Just keep liking pics on social media and send the odd text a couple of times a week max until she gets back on her feet and ups contact herself. It's nothing personal.

PPie10 Sun 19-Jun-16 19:03:09

Have a word with yourself! Fgs she's just had a baby. Getting back to you with details isn't a high priority for you. She's told you she's had a crazy birth and very busy, what don't you get from that?

Bigoldsupermoon0 Sun 19-Jun-16 19:03:48

Just to clarify, I am leaving her alone - I'd never dream of approaching her with any of this paranoia!

I figured I was BU, and I figured this would be the best place to hear it! winces blush

Thanks for the smacks, women.

Watchingdallas Sun 19-Jun-16 19:04:02

What? Is this for real? Every single birth is different for every single person. After my birth I wept for god knows how long and had nothing to do with typing replies to the endless messages for what - till baby was 1 month old? My whole body ached like I had run a marathon. I couldn't bring myself to do the basic minimum of brushing my hair. I cant really believe the things people get upset at.

pictish Sun 19-Jun-16 19:04:06

Of course yabu...she has just had a baby, as in just, so her head will be in a million places at once and not focused on you.
She has been in touch with you, you have been acknowledged...and I'm sure when you see her she'll fill you in on all the grisly details. Chill.

MaudGonneMad Sun 19-Jun-16 19:04:24

She's not sent me a picture of the baby, or told me its name, but her sister has uploaded a photo to Instagram, so apparently I'm second to social media.

No. You're second to her sister. YABVU.

greatscott81 Sun 19-Jun-16 19:04:38

She has literally JUST given birth. Give her a break. Everyone does things differently and just because she's read your messages doesn't mean she has the time to respond. You don't know the type of birth she had - she may still be in hospital. Her sister posted the photo onto Instagram so you're not second to social media - you're second to her family which is fairly normal. I understand that you're excited about seeing your friend and her new baby which is really sweet but you need to stop worrying about the status of your friendship. Keep doing what you're doing - send her messages asking how she is, post your card etc etc. But for goodness sake don't take it personally - you remember how overwhelming, exhausting and physically annihilating those precious first hours/days/weeks are.

pictish Sun 19-Jun-16 19:05:17

Yes...she contacted you straight after the birth! Straight after! She obviously thinks much of you. Get a grip...and I mean that kindly.

Ihatechoosingnames Sun 19-Jun-16 19:05:59

YABU. She's just had a baby. She's probably absolutely exhausted and forgetting to reply to messages or update people. It's not all about you, so don't make it as if it should be. Let her be in her baby bubble.

annielouisa Sun 19-Jun-16 19:06:43

I think yabu as she has only just had her DC and you are not second to social media but to her family who posted a pic.

MinnowAndTheBear Sun 19-Jun-16 19:08:02

You know that you are being unreasonable. This is so not about you.
She's probably online/offline reading dozens of messages of congratulations - yours is probably one of the few messages she has had the chance to reply to! Stop WhatsApp stalking her!

emotionsecho Sun 19-Jun-16 19:08:30

Just wanted to highlight this bit of your post " but her sister has uploaded a photo to Instagram, so apparently I'm second to social media" No, you are not second to social media you are second to her sister who chose to upload the photo.

I think you are getting it all out of proportion, OP, take a step back and don't jump to conclusions.

Gide Sun 19-Jun-16 19:09:57

YABU. my cousin had a baby last week, she was online to tell people, reception is very patchy in the ward she was in and frankly, I left her alone to rest rather than bombard her with messages. Chill, OP.

glueandstick Sun 19-Jun-16 19:10:46

Sometimes you just forget or assume you've told someone.

I told one of my closest friends the wrong name.... For three weeks. Others I don't message for weeks on end. It doesn't mean you're not thinking of them. Sometimes the closest people are the ones you can tell the least the most often and have a good catch up once in a blue moon.

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