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To be angry/upset about FB 'congrats'

(231 Posts)
44PumpLane Sun 19-Jun-16 08:34:53

I know in the grand scheme of life it's not a big deal, and if this is the biggest thing in life I have to worry about I'm hugely fortunate.

However, I'm upset and angry that when I popped on FB last night, two acquaintances had posted their congratulations on my pregnancy!

My husband and I only use our FB pages to keep up with friends and family around the country/world. We don't have relationship statuses on there, we don't post lots of pictures of our lives- we are in the process of telling the people we want to know that we are pregnant but we were never intending to put it on FB.

An old family friend and the mother of a friend posted last night- luckily near midnight so very few people would have seen. I've shut down my FB account for the time being- but who does that?!? I mean really?!? There is literally nothing on the page insinuating anything is going on in my life- if you truly want to congratulate me them PM me!

I feel so angry and upset to think some family who we've not yet told may see it. Plus it's our bloody news to tell!!! Grrr!

Sorry just needed to rant!

brummiesue Sun 19-Jun-16 08:35:38

Tell them! Cheeky bastards

poocatcherchampion Sun 19-Jun-16 08:36:52

Horrible nasty people being pleased for you.

emilybrontescorset Sun 19-Jun-16 08:38:19


fuckincuntbuggerinarse Sun 19-Jun-16 08:39:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ellesbellesxxx Sun 19-Jun-16 08:39:45

I found out one of my friends had had a baby as her sister posted "congratulations on baby David" on her FB feed... She was gutted that she didn't get to tell her own news.
Some people like to be the first to look like they know something.... I would actually say to them that you haven't told everyone yet as they might not realise how inappropriate it is.
I have come off FB completely though now and it's quite refreshing smile

FeckinCrutches Sun 19-Jun-16 08:39:50

How many weeks are you? And who told them in the first place if you've not told some of the family. They weren't to know you were keeping it quiet.

Sallygoroundthemoon Sun 19-Jun-16 08:40:15

Dreadful people wanting to say nice things. I'm afraid if you want to avoid this kind of thing you need to stay off social media. And although I offer my congratulations, YABU for saying 'we are pregnant'.

44PumpLane Sun 19-Jun-16 08:40:56

poocat it's not about them being pleased for me, that's lovely- it's about the lack of thought to post something so publically. My aunt is on holiday so we're waiting until she's back to tell her, she'll be thrilled for us, but she now may know because someone else has posted it on Facebook. Someone neither me or my husband told.

I was able to get them both to take their messages down- I sent them direct messages and explained that we were very appreciative of their congratulations but not all family knew yet.

MsJamieFraser Sun 19-Jun-16 08:42:57

I think you need a grip and to calm yourself down.

Shockingly people use social media differently from yourself.

you should have set your settings to be approved by yourself first, before allowing them on your wall, if your so bothered by it!

NicknameUsed Sun 19-Jun-16 08:43:48

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Am I allowed to say it on here? Social media is a double edged sword isn't it. If you don't want the general public to know what is happening in your life you need to curb your online presence, as you have done.

Just one small pedantic thing

"that we are pregnant"

You are pregnant, not your partner grin

44PumpLane Sun 19-Jun-16 08:44:55

Yeah I've now come off FB as lesson learned.

Can I ask a genuine and not meant to be goady question? Those who think I'm being unreasonable- a would you post others need to Facebook yourselves? Is it literally just different types of people?

Personally, even when I see people posting their own news I will text or PM them my congratulations (or happy birthday)- I don't need the world to see it.

To answer questions- 14 weeks but high risk, found out from a friend and the other I'm not sure. We've not asked people to keep it quiet as our friends wouldn't take it upon themselves to do a FB "reveal" for us.

Devilishpyjamas Sun 19-Jun-16 08:45:01

how did they know?

Presumably they posted on Facebook because they wouldn't be seeing you soon & wanted to say congratulations.

I don't think you should be angry with them. They weren't to know. If Facebook makes you anxious set it so that others cannot post on your wall or come off. DH drives me mad with his 'who can see what' facebook anxiety - it clearly doesn't suit his personality - I think he should just shut his account down.

DrWhy Sun 19-Jun-16 08:45:13

As I told people I specifically asked them not to put anything on social media precisely to avoid this. People just don't think.
Fortunately they are used to me making requests not to put stuff online as for our wedding I asked people not to put pictures up until after the evening guests arrived so they hadn't already seen photos of us!

44PumpLane Sun 19-Jun-16 08:46:55

Oh and as to "me" being pregnant versus "we" being pregnant...... I thought when it happened to me my husband also got to grow one of his own too?! Isn't that how biology works?! Oh well my mistake! smile

fassone Sun 19-Jun-16 08:47:16

To answer the question, no, Facebook isn't my "go-to" medium for congratulating someone. Some people use it like that and yes it can be irritating.

ThatsMyStapler Sun 19-Jun-16 08:47:25

Tough one

I personally would never put up a congratulations on Facebook until the person who I was congratulating put it there first, like wedding photos or the like.

It's your news to share not mine - but sometimes people are just excitable

BirdintheWings Sun 19-Jun-16 08:47:35

Are they techno savvy though? If they're anything like my parents, they may not have worked out the difference between private messaging and posting it publicly.

lilydaisyrose Sun 19-Jun-16 08:47:51

I still can't belive people do this. I would like to think I'd check if the person had posted their own announcement before doing this. My cousin posted her sister's birth announcement and that's how we all found out about the new baby's arrival - my new Mummy cousin was devastated. I don't use Facebook any longer for a number of reasons - can't stand this kind of thing!

WinniePooh101 Sun 19-Jun-16 08:48:12

Completely understand OP - We also chose to keep my pregnancy off FB for a number of reasons, the main one being we didn't want to tempt fate (I'm an older mum) but also because we can't stand the way people live their lives out on FB, so much of it is for show. You can change your settings so people can't post on your FB wall but can still send you private messages.

You will need to tell people not to post on your FB because once the baby arrives, we found friends/family would take photos of us/themselves and our baby when they saw us and then a few hours later the photos would be posted on FB. I don't get it. I thought when you took photos they're for the people in the photos to enjoy, why do you need to show them to everyone including tons of people who have never met us?!

lilydaisyrose Sun 19-Jun-16 08:48:22


fuckincuntbuggerinarse Sun 19-Jun-16 08:48:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fassone Sun 19-Jun-16 08:48:59

As I told people I specifically asked them not to put anything on social media precisely to avoid this. People just don't think.

Well that's annoying, if you specifically asked them. There is a need for some folk to be seen to be first with news. It's all a bit pathetic but such is social media.

Devilishpyjamas Sun 19-Jun-16 08:49:01

I wouldn't be the first to post congratulations on pregnancy news on FB as I know people can be funny about it. Although if I saw others already had I might.

The people you mention sound older. I have found some of the older frequent & enthusiastic users of facebook post all sorts of things I wouldn't (they'll share other people's profile pics etc). They clearly didn't mean to upset you & I don't think you should be angry with them.

44PumpLane Sun 19-Jun-16 08:49:02

Yes I've now come off Facebook- I guess I just imagined people to be slightly more thoughtful to be fair. But you can't trust the masses it seems!

It's not ruining my life or anything- I'm simply aggrieved.

ill pop back in FB in a few weeks and have my settings changed so that nothing posts to my wall.

Live and learn.

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