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To ask teacher to move dd (5)

(21 Posts)
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Sun 19-Jun-16 07:50:14

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm just feeling a bit guilty.

Dd is a calm and gentle child (at school different child at home). She is in reception and seems to be learning well, can write in sentences.

For a while now she has been sat next to James, who is a lovely kid but he is quite disruptive. He used to sit in between dd and another girl Tilly. Tilly used to get most of his attention. Mostly he would just annoy her but she did home with scratches sometimes.

Tilly has now been moved and David is sat next to James now.

For the past two weeks dd has been coming home complaining that James has been annoying her - messing with her dress or hair bobble. On Friday she had a scratch on her face, very reluctant to say what happened but it was Jamesbutvit sounded like an accident.

Should I ask for her to be moved? She's not particularly distressed by James, she likes him but finds him annoying.
I think he may have some extra educational needs (no expert but chatting to him is like talking to a much younger kid). And I feel guilty asking my dd to be moved away from him. The teacher has said she has a good calming influence on him and doesn't lash out like other kids have.
I just don't want her getting distracted when she should be learning.

I've changed all the names by the way

branofthemist Sun 19-Jun-16 07:58:02

I would ask for her to be moved at this point.

I would tell them what's going on and that Dd finds it's annoying/upsetting and you would prefer to nip it in the bud now. See if they can deal with it without having to move her.

Ds had a similar problem one child just winding him up. I brought it to the teachers attention and they kept and eye out and stopped it. Everything is fine now.

TTwidow Sun 19-Jun-16 08:04:57

I would just mention it to teacher. My DD is always sat next to a disruptive child as she is always a calming influence. It drives her crazy. I would love her to be sat next to a focused child.
However, on the flip side I work in a classroom so understand why it's done. Mention your concerns anyway but say you can see why she is there and appreciate seating plan difficulties etc...

itsatiggerday Sun 19-Jun-16 08:10:15

I'd have a chat with the teacher. I think it's a balance. Also have a DD who is often placed next to other kids who could do with a calm neighbour. I think it's been good for her over the past couple of years to learn to concentrate and not get distracted but that's been balanced by some periods near kids who are also engaged and interested. I'm not worried about her and I like the compassion and understanding it's helping her develop, but it's also harder and more taxing for her to some extent, so being moved about now and again has been helpful too.

Andbabymakesthree Sun 19-Jun-16 08:10:16

I'd ask the teacher to come up with a plan to manage the behaviour that doesn't impact so negatively on my daughter - Yes.
If the parents mentioned it I'd also tell them.

Cheby Sun 19-Jun-16 08:15:49

I would ask for her to be moved. This happened to me throughout primary; I was a 'calming influence' and bright, so I was consistently sat next to badly behaved and/or less bright children (teachers' words not mine) in a bid to help them.

What actually happened was that I was subjected at best to distraction which meant my learning suffered, and at worst to physical assault and bullying.

My mum was a teacher so put up with it for a while (as she knew why they had done it) but eventually enough was enough and she went in to complain. From Y5 I was sat in a group of similar ability and we all really got on well and our learning progressed brilliantly, and at a much faster rate than before. More importantly I was happy instead of miserable.

Just to add; I barely remember anything from primary, but I remember the horrid kids I was made to sit next to like it was yesterday.

Please get the teacher to nip this in the bid now; your child isn't responsible for curbing anyone else's behaviour.

echt Sun 19-Jun-16 08:18:28

Not getting why any child should be the punchbag therapeutic model for another child.

And yes, especially a girl getting it from a boy. FFS. angry

Insist, not suggest a move.
Teachers insist on removing on child away from another (I do, anyway, with no consultation with parents - it's my classroom management.)

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Sun 19-Jun-16 08:39:25

Thanks for all the replies. Feeling much less guilty about speaking to the teacher now.

I don't want my daughter to spend her primary years providing a calming influence.

Feel sorry for the teacher though, there have already been about 3 moves due to his behaviour. Someone's kids had to sit next to him (actually two kids have to sit next to him).

Thanks all

VioletBam Sun 19-Jun-16 08:39:44

Echt really? At FIVE the kids' gender is irrelevant.

OP YANBU. My quiet DD had similar and I did have to have a word because the child in question was really disruptive and she always ended up next to him.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Sun 19-Jun-16 08:42:05


You sound like you might be a teacher.
What do you do with a kid that is disruptive? It's not fair to still him with the same two kids all the time. But moving around constantly sounds disruptive too.
And if you just move him, are you singling him out? can you tell this has been playing on my mind

DaisyDando Sun 19-Jun-16 08:55:14

In EYFS they shouldn't really be sitting down in set places for very much, if any, of the day. Are they perhaps drawn to each other?

SatsukiKusakabe Sun 19-Jun-16 08:57:06

I think definitely talk to the teacher - you don't need to make any suggestions yourself at this point, just detail the problem and the effect it is having on your daughter, and the teacher will take the steps they feel are appropriate and see what happens.

I say this as we had a similar situation except the child was hitting my child all the time, and was also sitting next to him on the carpet, same reading group etc. I felt he should be moved but on the first occasion I just plainly told them what was happening and left it to them. They didn't move them straight away but kept a very close eye on them and intervened consistently. We saw a massive improvement in his mood and abilities at school and later on they were very subtly and gradually separated, but the problem was dealt with properly first and this seems to have been more effective than just taking the problem away ifyswim, as it has stuck.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Sun 19-Jun-16 09:01:32

they shouldn't really be sitting down in set places for very much, if any, of the day

I don't think so. I've seem them together at parties. James always runs over to hug dd.
She always goes off playing with one of the girls.

insan1tyscartching Sun 19-Jun-16 09:01:56

Dd1 was always seated next to the more disruptive children. Having three brothers she had a perfected icy stare that would have stopped a raging elephant in their tracks and she used it liberally and to good effect grin
Have a quiet word with the teacher to let her know what's happening though.

RubbleBubble00 Sun 19-Jun-16 09:04:48

Just ask teacher politely if dd could be moved for a while as she is getting distracted by James. Our reception moves tables around weekly in reception so no one is stuck with next to one person.

AppleAndBlackberry Sun 19-Jun-16 09:22:45

Yes, he should have his own desk if he can't leave the child next to him alone. I also encourage my children to tell the teacher straight away in a loud voice if someone is doing something they don't like. I just used to sit in silence when a boy pulled my hair from behind, but I was really unhappy that year at school.

SuburbanRhonda Sun 19-Jun-16 09:24:47

Are the children's real names in your OP? If do, please get them deleted.

SisterViktorine Sun 19-Jun-16 09:32:36

She already said she made the names up.

I don't understand why there are such fixed table places in EYFS. How much of the day does the teacher have them all sat down together at once? I would have thought it would be minutes out of the day.

I would also give James a work station for independent work (but not in EYFS??) and then build in a social skills intervention to help him learn how to learn in a group.

ApostrophesMatter Sun 19-Jun-16 09:57:40

I agree with those who say speak to the teacher. Tell her it's someone else's turn to be a calming influence and your DD is upset by the constant distraction.

echt Sun 19-Jun-16 19:44:42

Echt really? At FIVE the kids' gender is irrelevant.

Females being used to socialise/civilise males begins early.

Balletblue Sun 19-Jun-16 19:59:21

Ask for a swap round. Who you have to sit next to can really affect the kind of day a child has. I did it for my dd recently due to a child that just wouldn't stop touching her. It got to the point where she was feeling sick at the thought of being near the child any longer.

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