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AIBU about wanting to retain my friendship group?

(13 Posts)
parky123 Sat 18-Jun-16 20:07:44

I went out with my ex for 6 years but we've been broken up for roughly 4 years. No children with ex. I'm married with children now. I still have a shared friendship group with ex mostly due to shared hobby which means we sit next to each other at a certain event every few weeks with shared friends. On friendly terms with my ex, he even came to my wedding. However he's now got a girlfriend (of roughly a year) who believes that exes should not have any contact at all. She also shares same interests but sits with own friends at event and the times I've seen her and tried to befriend her she's made it very clear she does not want to talk. I really value my time with this friendship group at a weekend but now I feel like I can't be part of it as ex obviously feels like his loyalty lies with her and I now get left out of messages about where the group are meeting pre event etc. Most recently I found out the group all got together at ex and new girlfriends house and I was the only one excluded. Now I know she has the right to have whoever she wants in her house (and on the same reasoning exclude who she doesn't want) but these people are close friends to me and friends only and I feel sad that I'm being pushed out. I'm no threat to her. AIBU to feel this way?

Arfarfanarf Sat 18-Jun-16 20:25:41

Not at all.
Can you talk to people in the group and tell them how you feel?
At this point you really have little to lose.
Its ridiculous that you should be treated like this.
Did you meet at the group? Or know each other before? Who introduced who to the group?
Just wondering why they're being so silly about it.

Celticlassie Sat 18-Jun-16 20:31:29

Can he not join HER friends, and you can stay with the joint ones? It's her problem, and he's her boyfriend, so why should you lose your friends?

parky123 Sat 18-Jun-16 20:48:21

Thank you. I actually met my ex at the event and it's something I've been attending since I was a child. The problem is that most of the shared friends are male so I think they automatically take sides with my ex. Like I said though we are all friendly and all of my shared friends (including my ex) attended my wedding. I just feel sad about it all. I hoped we could remain friends but I'm being pushed out and it hurts.

Janecc Sat 18-Jun-16 22:32:09

I would talk to your friends and find some kind of workable solution. She's encroached on your territory, not the other way around.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 19-Jun-16 00:27:37

Talk to each of the friends individually.

It could be easier with them being mostly male. State the problem. Ask them for solutions.

beetroot2 Sun 19-Jun-16 00:31:43

I don't get why she has such a big influence over all of this. Are you really friends with any of the others?

whois Sun 19-Jun-16 07:34:33

Speak to your friends. Say something like "look, me and x broke up FOUR years ago. I'm married with children. He seems really happy with y. You're my friends and I really value my time with you. Please can you explain to me why I've stopped being invited to ore event meet ups and left out of the messages?"

Kinda forces the issue to point out that the new gf is unreasonable and that you're being fine and they shouldn't cut you out.

Lighteningirll Sun 19-Jun-16 07:44:35

However they still will, I would be dignified and speak directly to ex about the situation but I would not initially involve the wider group

BadgersNadgers Sun 19-Jun-16 08:17:00

She's evidently threatened by you. Was she part of the group before you two split up?

I agree with others that you need to speak with your friends about their behaviour.

Iwantagoonthetrampoline Sun 19-Jun-16 08:32:15

YANBU. Your ex and your friends need to stand up for you. I can understand no one can control who she invites to her house, but surely someone else can make sure you are included in pre-event meet ups?

HermioneJeanGranger Sun 19-Jun-16 08:35:35

The friends have obviously been put in a really awkward position. It must be weird for her seeing her partner's ex so often though, to be honest, even if you've clearly moved on.

You just need to talk to your friends. I would be hurt in your situation but I sympathise with her as well.

RaeSkywalker Sun 19-Jun-16 08:41:00

YANBU to be upset.

I'm not sure what I'd do. I think i'd mention it to the mutual friends, definitely. The other option is organising something, inviting the friends and your Ex and his GF, but then you expose yourself to more hurt.

I guess that from your friends PoV, they're still friends with both of you? I do feel sorry for them too- I've been in their position and whatever I did upset one of the parties!

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