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To feel jealous of my pregnant friends?

(13 Posts)
MythosLivetheDream2 Sat 18-Jun-16 11:33:09

I'm not sure where to start... We have one DD (4) and lately I have started to feel very broody for a second child. Up until now I have dismissed the possibility of having another child, as my husband has MS, is severely disabled and we basically do not know how his condition will evolve. When DD was a baby, it was bloody hard work as he was not able to help much, I was so tired all the time and we don't have any family nearby who can help. This led to a bit of difficulty in our marriage and it wasn't plain sailing.

Fast forward to now and we are in a much better place, we are very close once again and if I'm honest, I have totally accepted his condition. My friends are all now at the stage where they're all having their second child and although I'm happy for them, a part of me is feeling a bit jealous, as I'm not sure we'll ever have another child. It's a case of my heart says:"Yes, go for it!" and head is screaming:"Noooo, don't do it!". Up until now, my head was winning but lately I'm not so sure... I know I should be very grateful we already have our DD but I just feel that (I hate this phrase!) our family would feel complete with another baby...

Sorry this was sooo long!

RaeSkywalker Sat 18-Jun-16 11:39:55

What does your DH think?

MythosLivetheDream2 Sat 18-Jun-16 12:11:03

He's in a similar frame of mind to mine. We've talked about it and while he'd be tempted to go for it, he's worried that it might all be too much.

WellErrr Sat 18-Jun-16 12:19:12

Go for it, if he's on board.

In 20 years time, will you have more regrets about giving yourself a hard couple of years of babyhood, or of not having another one at all?

ElspethFlashman Sat 18-Jun-16 12:20:32

My sibling was the only person in the world who I could whisper my fears about my disabled (& likely life limited) parent to. I didn't want to upset my healthy parent when they had a lot on their plate. So my sibling and I were enormous confidantes.

I grew up extremely close to my parents as you all pull together - but my sibling is my best friend because we shared so much.

So I say go for it. But possibly see if you can get that Home Start support or similar to help out a bit.

WellErrr Sat 18-Jun-16 12:21:39

I'll add as well (although really not meaning to stealth boast), I have 2 under 4 and am currently pregnant again. DH works incredibly long hours and works away a lot so he's not here for weeks at a time. I have no family nearby. Lots of my friends think I'm mad and ask how I cope but you know what? You just do.
And then as they get older it all gets easier. The baby/toddler stage is so short in the grand scheme of things.

MythosLivetheDream2 Sat 18-Jun-16 17:44:05

Thank you for your replies. Actually, ElspethFlashman you have kind of put your finger on it. I would really like our DD to have someone else to share her experiences as a young carer with and also to have someone to share memories with. And all of you are right, in the grand scheme of things, the first years are very short...

As my dear old nan used to say " what's for you won't go against you "
I've realised as I've got older what it really means. As a child I thought she was crazy grin

Go for it!

Sparklesilverglitter Sat 18-Jun-16 17:53:19

If a baby is what you both want they isn't everything in life a risk? I'm 39 and pregnant with my first it's the things you don't do you regret

I don't know a great deal about MS but if he did get greatly worse in the future do you feel you could cope with 2 children and caring for your DH?

Sparklesilverglitter Sat 18-Jun-16 17:53:38


MythosLivetheDream2 Sat 18-Jun-16 19:00:33

Congratulations Sparklesilverglitter!

Well that's the thing with MS, you never know what's around the corner. This time last year I wouldn't even have considered it as my DH had a few relapses in a short space of time but this year (cross fingers) he's been quite stable and has managed it much better by changing his work patterns.

I think we've been both swayed by the loveliness of having a small baby in our arms when our DD is already so grown up! To the point that my DH was already thinking of the logistics of sleeping arrangements! smile Our DD would also love to have a sibling.

It sounds as if we've already made up our mind, doesn't it? grin

Summerwood1 Sat 18-Jun-16 19:28:57

Go for it! Is your husband home all the time?

Marilynsbigsister Sat 18-Jun-16 22:14:27

I had a father with a life limiting illness, having siblings to share the care (even the very small amount of care that I provided as a young teen) and dfs death at 42 (uncontrolled diabetes 35 yrs ago) made and continues to make all the difference.

Also, I have a mum who is an 'only' . She is nearly 80 and will still tell anyone who asks that whilst it was her parents choice (grandma didn't want any and only agreed to one to keep my grandad happy), it would never of been hers and remains one of her greatest wishes to have had a brother or sister.

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