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AIBU to think this may end in divorce!

(40 Posts)
Insabbathstheatre Sat 18-Jun-16 09:18:03

We have spent the last two years doing up our tiny home and are having a home office/ guest room built in the garden. Not cheap and although would have liked the real wood cladding - compromised and went for the much less expensive version - I wanted brown as the colour - but was persuaded this wasn't a good idea - so agreed light grey / blue - but said could be swayed to another colour as long as it wasn't white (under any circumstances).
Last night DH picked me up from the station and we went for a quick meal on our way home. Thought DH was acting a bit odd - but he said everything was fine and told me the builders had started to put the cladding up. I asked if it was a nice grey/blue - he said he thought it was more of a pale blue but he really liked it and I replied that's fine - I like blue and really didn't care as long as it wasn't white! Got home - guess what it's white! Did he think I wouldn't notice - he wouldn't speak during my slight rant other than to say why are you crying!
DS when asked what colour the cladding was stated 'it's white'. It will be too expensive to change and at this moment I just think every time I look outside it will eat away at me and I will hate him more and more - have been other things in the past (that I mostly laugh about now) - but after 20 years of marriage this is a big fat expensive one - AIBU or can I learn to laugh about this too!

LemonRedwood Sat 18-Jun-16 09:20:31

As he managed to get you to "compromise" over everything else, he thought you'd just roll over about the colour too.


Creampastry Sat 18-Jun-16 09:23:23

He has Total disrespect for you and has basically said a big F U.

Do not let this lie. Make him sleep there.

Creampastry Sat 18-Jun-16 09:23:37

And yes to divorce.

acasualobserver Sat 18-Jun-16 09:26:23

Well, we don't know what else he's done in the last 20 years. This, in itself, doesn't seem divorce territory to me. Anyway, can't you paint it?

DeathStare Sat 18-Jun-16 09:27:22

Can it be painted? If it can I think your DH has a job next weekend while you check into a spa.

Kariana Sat 18-Jun-16 09:27:25

I assume he ordered the cladding then with the builders and you weren't part of that other than to give dh your opinion? What I mean is was this you dh's doing or have the builders made a mistake?

Becky546 Sat 18-Jun-16 09:27:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NapQueen Sat 18-Jun-16 09:31:31

Has he confirmed that he chose white or that he made a mistake and asked for white or that the builders misunderstood what he asked for?

emilybrontescorset Sat 18-Jun-16 09:32:56

Did he choose white or have the builders cocked up?

If the latter then change it to your original choice of brown . If the former then what the hell is your dh playing at?

I would be tempted to paint it and put one of those slogans on it, something along the lines of ' what would I most like to do to my husband's body......identify it!

This would seriously piss me off.

Fishface77 Sat 18-Jun-16 09:34:29

What other issues are there op?
Is this a small blip or the latest in a long line of transgressions where he's ignored your wants and needs?
On its own I would say it doesn't warrant a divorce.

Insabbathstheatre Sat 18-Jun-16 09:38:41

i was thinking about sleeping in it myself so I can't see the White! It's some kind of plastic so not sure we can paint! DH has said he will see if we can change (half way through) and pay the extra it will cost (likely 5k!). The other idiotic things now seem funny - constant crap presents (like a recent thread from someone else) - large sized underwear when (at the time) was a 6/8 (now post DC 10/12!); earnings (I don't have pierced ears) etc etc! He has no visualisation at all - and is a strong feminist usually - just get the feeling he got persuaded by a the builders to get this colour and thought they knew what they were talking about - but that is their preference - and I know this is their best seller - but I hate white!!!

Topseyt Sat 18-Jun-16 09:43:36

I'd be utterly furious at being disregarded like that.

Get some paint in your choice of colour and get the builders to paint it in that before they leave. If they have already finished and gone then it will be DH's penance to do it himself. Pronto.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 18-Jun-16 09:45:38

I think this is a small issue but is a symptom of other huge issues in your marriage.

Funnily enough if you ask folk the moment they knew their marriage was over you will get odd responses and your shed reason wouldn't be too unusual. It's usually something minor that makes the final straw!!!

Topseyt Sat 18-Jun-16 09:47:34

Cross post.

If it is plastic then normal paint probably wouldn't take.

It will have to be new cladding I guess, and while you are at it buy a garden doghouse for DH to visit whenever he fucks up.

EarthboundMisfit Sat 18-Jun-16 09:49:44

I'd be furious.

emilybrontescorset Sat 18-Jun-16 09:51:02

With regards to the presents what you need to do us hand them straight back to him.
I don't have pierced ears, these are useless to me( hand them back to him and walk away).

This bra won't fit me, I can't wear it. I'm size x so you will have to take it back to the shop.

After 20 years this is crap op.

Insabbathstheatre Sat 18-Jun-16 09:55:04

Nap -sensible advice and spoken to builders and it is agreed we ordered pale blue / grey - they are on way round! Sincere apologies appears I actually have BU on DH - but he wouldn't speak and I have festered all night and needed some perspective - which i am very grateful for! Also really liked all the suggestions that made me smile!!

crossroads3 Sat 18-Jun-16 09:57:30


But then I am still living with the husband who sold one buy to let property without telling me, bought a shop without telling me, hid that from me for 9 months while he did it up, lied to my face several times when I first became suspicious and asked him about it, and then when I had irrefutable proof started the most awful cold war which had me almost having a nervous breakdown and considering divorce. And yes I am the one who "patched things up" but he has never shown remorse or even understanding of how hurtful he was. We live with very little emotional connection and things like this are the reason.

Sorry to derail the thread but not being consulted is a sore spot for me.

I would talk to your H more about this and really drive home how disrespectful he has been OP.

Insabbathstheatre Sat 18-Jun-16 09:58:23

Emily - we reached an agreement 15 years ago no presents - if I want anything I get it myself! Christmas we spend in the sun and relax!

crossroads3 Sat 18-Jun-16 09:58:44

Sorry missed your post OP - I am glad it worked out smile.

bakeoffcake Sat 18-Jun-16 09:59:32

You can special paint which covers plastic.

Tell him to go and buy some! Mind you if the family can afford the 5 grand to change the cladding I'd definitely go with that.

What he did was really horrible and I'd be so upset if my dh did that.

bakeoffcake Sat 18-Jun-16 10:00:56

Oh X posted.

So glad your H want being a twatgrin

bakeoffcake Sat 18-Jun-16 10:01:17


Insabbathstheatre Sat 18-Jun-16 10:02:52

Sorry to hear about your situation crossroads3 - I think you should leave and be good to yourself - you deserve to be happy💐

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