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to what to n ow why he is arrested.

(46 Posts)
icandothis64 Sat 18-Jun-16 07:56:17

Background. DH and I living in same house with two teenagers even though divorcing. Very acrimonious. Another story! Yesterday absolute arrived. Even though teenage son only home last night from school trip all week DH who wasn't aware I had applied for a suite went out to pub. He is a functioning alcoholic. New problem. We still live in same house. Knock on door last night. Policeman there. Have got now XH. Won't say why other than he was worse for wear and would not be home tonight. Fortunately kids were asleep. Only just. Now 8am. Not home. Racking my brains as to what he has done. They don't arrest you for being drunk alone. Must have done something. Fight? Criminal damage? Drugs? Although not my problem been awake all night. Kids will be awake soon as see he is not home. Don't know what to do. Have googled everything to see if any disturbances last nigh but nothing so far.

DollyBarton Sat 18-Jun-16 07:58:21

Drunk and disorderly, maybe in a fight would be my guess.

branofthemist Sat 18-Jun-16 08:04:15

It could be as simple as he was told to move on from outside a pub and wouldn't so they took him in.

It's not necessarily anything really bad.

I wouldn't get too stressed right now. If you teens get up before he comes home, you need to decide wether to be honest and tell them he has been arrested but you don't know why. Or to make excuses as to why he isn't there. If they ask.

You know your kids best so are best placed to make that decision.

I assume they are aware he is an alcoholic?

Crispbutty Sat 18-Jun-16 08:07:10

Ring the station. They will tell you. They might keep him in until Monday for court.

Skittlesss Sat 18-Jun-16 08:07:39

Could be drunk and disorderly as above. Night in the cells and a ticket for the pleasure.

Could be anything though. Don't stress too much, just wait for him to get home and ask him.

At least he asked them to let you know smile

DoreenLethal Sat 18-Jun-16 08:23:26

Although not my problem been awake all night. Kids will be awake soon as see he is not home. Don't know what to do.

Do you have to do anything? He is your ex husband now. Let him get on with his life and get on with yours.

icandothis64 Sat 18-Jun-16 08:25:07

Thanks so much.
Yes kids aware he has a problem with alcohol.
In my daze last night I forgot to ask which police station. We don't have one in our twin so he could be in any of the surrounding towns.
I am also not sure if XH will see me as interfering if I try and contact the police. The policeman made it very clear to me that as he was an adult they would give me ANY information. The only reason that he came to the house is for some reason XH in his drunken confused state had said he didn't know if the kids were home alone or not. He clearly knew I was with them or did when he went out at 630pm. So there police where only checking on that and as I say we're very clear they were not allowed to give me any further info. Even to confirm if he had been arrested. Just that they were 'with' him

icandothis64 Sat 18-Jun-16 08:27:02

DOREEN. Your right. I don't. But he is the father of kids and want to protect them and not emphasise even more tHan they know already what a poor role model he is. If he had moved out like lost decent blokes would have done by now, I wouldn't even know he had been arrested. But them neither would kids. First question hey will ask in next half hour is where's dad?

Crispbutty Sat 18-Jun-16 08:28:48

They are teens not little children. Just tell them the truth.

Hassled Sat 18-Jun-16 08:31:23

You say something vague like you're not sure where Dad is right now (which is true) but you're sure he'll be home soon and then talk about your plans for the day or whatever. Just go for breezy and dismissive. If they're clearly anxious and keep asking, you might have to tell them what you know but I'd try to avoid it until you have more information.

icandothis64 Sat 18-Jun-16 08:32:12

Crisp thanks. Right now I don't actually know anything. They are teens but vulnerable teens esp youngest. And older one is supposed to work today. I know she won't go if he hasn't shown up but that he is in police station somewhere. It's the not knowing is the worry for them.

icandothis64 Sat 18-Jun-16 08:33:05

Hassled. That's good advice. Thank you. Just need to find a mirror to practice
My breezy face shock

Crispbutty Sat 18-Jun-16 08:33:20

In that case just say he must have stayed at a friends for the night then.

Creampastry Sat 18-Jun-16 08:54:56

Why lie. The truth will come out. Maybe his kids disappointment in him will help him get help. I didn't think you should ever excuse the behaviour of an alcoholic.

DizzyNorthernBird Sat 18-Jun-16 08:56:12

If he was drunk when he was arrested they won't let him out until he blows below roughly the drink drive limit on a breathyliser.......but regardless if they need to interview him about something he's done he could be in custody all day!

I would just say he got drunk and is sleeping it off at a mates house. Kids don't need to know do they?

DoreenLethal Sat 18-Jun-16 08:59:04

DOREEN. Your right. I don't. But he is the father of kids and want to protect them

Your initial title was that you want to know why he was arrested. Not how can I protect my kids. Make your mind up!

branofthemist Sat 18-Jun-16 08:59:10

If you think she isn't going to go to work if you tell her, Tell her he stayed at a friends and that's all you know.

What do you mean be vulnerable?

PotteringAlong Sat 18-Jun-16 08:59:12

Your oldest teen won't go to work if they haven't seen their dad this morning? Just tell them he's gone out if you're that concerned.

icandothis64 Sat 18-Jun-16 09:03:13

Sorry DOREEN. I just wanted advice so apologies my header was not explicit enough. Not been in this situation before. I do appreciate all the advice and was trying to add more background. Sorry agin. Didn't mean to offend you.

fastdaytears Sat 18-Jun-16 09:05:51

Your teen won't go to work without seeing her dad? Surely if you say he's out and don't look concerned then she won't have any reason to miss work and when she gets home hopefully all will be sorted, or at least a lot clearer.

NoahVale Sat 18-Jun-16 09:09:32

dont apologise op.
you just say he is staying with friends op.

BastardGoDarkly Sat 18-Jun-16 09:13:14

I'd just go for... hmmmm not sure, he went out last night, so could be at a friend's?

DoreenLethal Sat 18-Jun-16 09:23:08

Didn't mean to offend you.

I am not in the least bit offended. But if your teen won't go to work until they have seen their dad - what is going to happen when you are not living together? Step away from the nosiness and start getting on with your own life here.

BastardGoDarkly Sat 18-Jun-16 09:25:58

Fuck sake Doreen it's not nosiness is it? It's concern, both for him and the kids.

Kariana Sat 18-Jun-16 09:41:18

I think you would need to be firm with your eldest about going to work. The world can't stop because her dad is a jerk and she needs to start balancing the fact that she can't let his issues take over her life and emotions. I know that may come across sounding cold as he is her dad but whilst worrying is one thing, forgetting her own responsibilities because of worry is another. Obviously if he had been in an accident or was ill that would be completely different, however you cannot allow her dad's behaviour to rule her life and you need to help her with managing that. Work will help take her mind off her worry anyway.

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