Not going on hen night

[cheekymummy89]

I'm playing a big part in a wedding later on in the year. I'm also heavily pregnant currently. I have obviously been invited to the hen night which is roughly 1 month after my due date, but I've mentioned that it's too close to my due date to be able go. I don't want to commit to going on this night out because I know I just won't WANT to go. It's out of town, hubby has also been invited to the stag which is on the same night. He too has said he doesn't want to go incase of a emergency , he wouldn't be able get home due to the location. Both keep being mithered as we "should be there" but they can't seem to grasp that we will have a tiny new baby to think of and look after and we just don't feel comfortable asking for a baby sitter so early on. Other factors I could go over, could end up having a cs who knows? Are we out of order for not going? Because we are now being made to feel terrible about what we have said. All their friends have commented on how we should be making the effort to be there and that we knew about the wedding before getting pregnant. Yes we did ... but that doesn't stop us being involved in the wedding day at all. We have tried suggesting that the 4 of us go for a meal another night instead so we can be home at a reasonable time and we won't be drunk etc but that isn't good enough.

[wheresthel1ght]

Bollocks to that! I wasn't even invited on my sisters hen do (mainly cos her mil is a bitch) but even if I had I would have only just had dd so would have been in no fit state.

If they are decent friends then they should understand and stop making such pathetic comments

[honeysucklejasmine]

Hell no would I be going to a hen party! You may have only very recently given birth if you go overdue.

[switswoo81]

4 weeks! Feck that. I had an easy birth and recovery but wouldn't have been able to shoehorn myself into a dress an stay awake past 9 o clock at 4 weeks.

Total brain fart but think that sometimes people have an unrealistic expectation of post birth when they see celebrities on date nights a week post partum. Each to their own but it was not the norm for me.

[JuxtapositionRecords]

No way are you BU. Four weeks after birth I couldn't think of anything worse!

[almostthirty]

My sister didn't come on my hen night she decided to steal the limelight and go into labour
(Yes I'm joking)

There is no way I would even contemplate going with such a young baby YANBU

[BarryTheKestrel]

Not at all unreasonable!

DD was 10 days late and then I was stuck in hospital for a week. 4 weeks after my due date I had an infected episiotomy and a 2 week old who didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time and needed feeding every 2 hours.

No way would I have agreed to a hen night or let DH go on a stag where he couldn't come home.

You don't know what will happen with your birth or recovery or anything else. If your friends can't understand that and keep pushing they aren't real friends and I'd back out of the wedding completely.

[cheminotte]

Yanbu. Totally unreasonable of them to expect you to leave a 2-6 week old baby without either parent!

[mashpot]

I didn't make it out for the evening until 4 months after DS was born! I take it none of them have kids?

[Banana99]

And if you go over (I was 2 weeks over) could potentially have a 2 week old.
I remember being too sore to sit 5 weeks on as well as everything else - no chance!

[blondieblondie]

Were people really implying that you should have postponed getting pregnant so that you could go on what is essentially an excuse for a night out?? YANBU, you are being sensible and doing what you think is right for you and your baby.

[Aeroflotgirl]

No is a complete sentence. No no no no no!

[Scarydinosaurs]

Fuck that.

Are all these people childless robots who have never met a baby?? Are they 100% human?? Who thinks like this!

[Bahhhhhumbug]

' You knew about the wedding before getting pregnant ' ....... wow just wow! How very dare you do something as trivial as having a family when it clashes with something so much more important

[KitKat1985]

YANBU. You will be exhausted with a 4 week old even if you have a relatively straight-forward labour. A hen night will be the last thing I'd be have wanted to do when my DD was 4-weeks old. Plus I was breast feeding so couldn't drink, and DD was a cluster-feeder in the evenings and just wanted to be on my boob for about 4 hours each evening so going out was completely impractical. I would assume none of them have had babies or they would understand why this was ridiculous.

[NicknameUsed]

Besides, if you are breastfeeding you wouldn't be able to be away from your baby for long. A lot of small babies cluster feed in the evening.

[RuggerHug]

Sod that. Don't go. If they can't understand it now, be sure to remind them when they have kids and the penny drops about how unreasonable they were.

[julietbat]

If you decide to try to breastfeed you wouldn't physically be able to be away from your baby overnight. At a few weeks old (which is quite likely) they tend to need feeding every couple of hours - especially at night! So it wouldn't even have been an option for me simply because of that.

Do any of those 'friends' giving you a hard time have kids themselves?!

[LHReturns]

Ugh don't go. I don't go to hen nights when I have no excuse because they are awful. You now have the best excuse for at least - ooh - two years now...

[newmumwithquestions]

YANBU at all.

If you feel up to it (and only if) then one of you could pop out to join the hen or stag for a quick drink (I'm assuming that when you say the do is out of town it's not far and you could drive?)

I popped out a couple of weeks after giving birth to a friends birthday party, but drove, said hello to everyone briefly and left. I left DD with OH, no way would I have used a babysitter that early in. I loved getting out as I was feeling very very trapped! But no way should you feel obligated to go.

[Archedbrowse]

YANBU you're going to the wedding either with, or leaving your still young child that's plenty! They are being U to get annoyed about you missing a piss up -4weeks after giving birth ffs

[Mycatsabastard]

Oh yeah, four weeks after giving birth (forget that I had CS both times which left me in agony) the last thing I felt like doing was getting out of my pjs and spending the evening with pissed up women while feeling like my insides were falling out of my fanjo.

YANBU

[CocktailQueen]

Did people really think you should have planned conceiving your PFB round a friend's wedding?? Ffs.

Some people are nuts.

Yanbu at all, and if they can't see that they are being bridezillas, and they will be sorry when they have a baby themselves, and see the light...

[expatinscotland]

Your friends are dicks. YANBU.

[cosytoaster]

YANBU - there's no way you'll want to go. Tough luck if they don't like it, stick to your guns.

[cheekymummy89]

This is exactly my.point and what I've tried telling them. They actually do have 2 kids between them. Which is what annoys me.the most! They know first hand what it's like having a new born and she knows how you feel following the birth. I've been made to feel like it's my duty to be there, dh doesn't want to go at all as he knows he would have to stay with them all night. (He doesn't drive nor do i) so he would have to wait for the arranged transport to bring him back with the others.