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To not take my son to this wedding?

(25 Posts)
ShamaleyShae Fri 17-Jun-16 20:53:24

I feel like maybe I am just failing as a parent but ds2 is such a handful at the moment, he is 3, full of beans, delightful in so many ways but full of tantrums (think 20-30 a day easily!) and needs 24/7+ supervision to stop him going in the pond, running off, drawing on the walls, destroying whatever he can, etc, etc. We are going to a very close friends in a couple of weeks, I want to leave ds2 with DGPs and just take dc1 who will enjoy it and be manageable. there are ponds at the venue, ducks, swans (I dread to think what ds2 will do!). I don't think ds2 will care about not going and will enjoy a day with his DGPs, and dh, myself and dc1 will be able to relax and enjoy ourselves a bit. Does this make me a terrible mother? I feel like I should be able to manage to him at these sort of events but the thought of it honestly feels me with dread.......

wheresthel1ght Fri 17-Jun-16 20:55:29

Sounds like normal behaviour for a 3 year old for me so I would stop giving yourself such a hard time!

Personally I think you need to take both kids or none or your risk crating a 2 tier rivalry between them

Stripyhoglets Fri 17-Jun-16 20:55:45

If he'll be hsppy with grandparents then yes leave him where he'll be happier not having to sit still/be quieter etc.

Daffodil90 Fri 17-Jun-16 20:55:54

It absolutely doesn't make you a terrible mother. Leave him with DGPs and he'll have a whale of a time.

You need sane time too, go and enjoy yourselves. Have some wine too!

NapQueen Fri 17-Jun-16 20:58:52

Do it! Let the kids have whichever day they'd enjoy more.

I have a 4 and a half year old and an 18mo and would have no qualms doing stuff with one and not the other. Whatever suits them best

Elismum669 Fri 17-Jun-16 21:00:26

Sounds sensible to me

beetroot2 Fri 17-Jun-16 21:00:49


gunsandbanjos Fri 17-Jun-16 21:12:36

I wouldn't take him if you don't think he'll behave, aside from being stressful for you I don't think it's fair to bring a child who has 20-30 tantrums a day to a wedding.

He'll have a lovely time with his grandparents, you'll have a lovely time at the wedding and you won't inflict 30 tantrums on the rest of the wedding party.

Blu Fri 17-Jun-16 21:17:21

Leave him with DGPS. If he would enjoy a day with DGPS more than being squashed into wedding-behaviour, then do it.

scarlets Fri 17-Jun-16 21:20:13

Leaving him with grandparents is the best thing for everyone I reckon. Weddings are boring at that age.

museumum Fri 17-Jun-16 21:22:25

Leave him. He'll have more fun with the GPs.
I think dc1 needs to get to choose though. Are they much older? Do they want to go?

LadyAntonella Fri 17-Jun-16 21:24:24

Yanbu but I'd probably ask GPs if they wouldn't mind taking both DSs. On the face of it, it seems a wee bit mean to take one and not the other, bough if GPs can only have one DS then fair enough.

LadyAntonella Fri 17-Jun-16 21:24:51

*though not bough

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs Fri 17-Jun-16 21:26:28

I took one of my twins to a wedding and not the other so YANBU. They both enjoyed getting individual attention for once.

FadedRed Fri 17-Jun-16 21:28:28

Agree with pp's that this is the best for you all. Have a lovely day at the wedding, your Ds2 can have a nice day with his GP's. Everybody's happy.
Perfectly ok to take your older child, if that is what you want and Dc1 will enjoy it with you.
Please stop calling yourself a 'bad mother' or 'failing parent' - especially for taking such a sensible and pragmatic decision about what is the best thing to do for all concerned, both your family and the wedding party. flowers

PacificDogwod Fri 17-Jun-16 21:30:06

Of course YANBU.

Personally, I'd leave them both with the DGP and book a hotel room for the night… grin

Most weddings are quite boring in stretches, even for adults who will get champagne, never mind for toddlers/children.

MissBattleaxe Fri 17-Jun-16 21:30:18

Definitely leave him with grandparents. He won't understand the significance of a wedding so won't miss it. Sounds like a sensible solution all round.

toffeeboffin Fri 17-Jun-16 21:32:29


Can you leave them both with the GPs? (cheeky)

gamerchick Fri 17-Jun-16 21:34:10

It's fine. Personally I would offload all kids and enjoy some adult time grin

KingLooieCatz Fri 17-Jun-16 21:39:47

Don't take. A childless friend who was planning his wedding discussed options with those of us who had kids in advance and at least one Mum lobbied assertively for a no kids unless you have to wedding. The bride and groom would have welcomed them and put on an egg hunt (it was Easter). I love the idea of showing DS off to friends who see him rarely if ever and also seeing their kids but I think the novelty would wear off pretty quick. The one couple who brought a child organised a babysitter through the hotel for after the meal and we all got to let our hair down and have a boogie. Don't think that made any of us bad parents.

cosytoaster Fri 17-Jun-16 21:51:18

Sounds like a perfectly sensible solution. Sometimes it's nice to do something with just one child (as long as it's not always the same one, obviously!)

TipBoov Fri 17-Jun-16 22:43:19

YANBU It sounds like a good idea to leave him with grandparents.

user1465383488 Fri 17-Jun-16 22:56:55

My god! If I had child care I'd SO leave BOTH of them and go have adult fun! Take a box of play dough,jigsaws ,DVDs along to DGPs and RUN AWAY!!
I have six kids with zero child care and been out alone with hubby four times in 11 years !
Go have fun!

Mycraneisfixed Fri 17-Jun-16 23:26:46

Everyone will be happier if you leave him with grandparents smile

BackforGood Fri 17-Jun-16 23:32:25

Of course YANBU. Don't understand why anyone would want to take small dc to a wedding when there are GPs happy to have them for the day. Everyone will have a much more enjoyable day.

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