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Report to SS or not?

(129 Posts)
agirlhasnomoney Fri 17-Jun-16 20:02:57

I'm in two minds about whether to report some neighbors to SS.... or not.

Some close neighbors of ours have arguments, as we all do lets face it.
But these seem to be on a whole other level and are putting me on high alert. hmm
they are real humdinger arguments of the 'fuck you, you piece of no good worthless piece of shit' variety) on a daily basis. sad
The 5 year old son is witness to all the arguments. And is often heard by the neighbor (me) trying to placate both parents.
Every time these neighbors argue, I can hear the small child crying.

Or not?

I don't know what to do.
What would you do?

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Fri 17-Jun-16 20:04:56

What do you suppose SS would do in this situation? What outcome are you envisioning? My instinct is that they wouldn't be interested.

ladyjadey Fri 17-Jun-16 20:04:58

Perhaps if you were to raise this as a concern the family may be offered some help and support.

kimlo Fri 17-Jun-16 20:05:01

Ring the nspcc for advice they can report if needed.

agirlhasnomoney Fri 17-Jun-16 20:05:26

My spidey senses are working overtime on this.

AndNowItsSeven Fri 17-Jun-16 20:06:06

Why not be a good neighbour instead.

Misnomer Fri 17-Jun-16 20:06:44

Yes report it or at least speak to the NSPCC about reporting it. It may be nothing, it may be that the family could really do with some support, it could be that they already have some information and this is another piece of the puzzle.

beetroot2 Fri 17-Jun-16 20:06:44

Better to try to do something than not. I'd give them a call anyway.

agirlhasnomoney Fri 17-Jun-16 20:07:04

I'm wondering if the mother has pnd.
She has a small baby as well as the 5 year old

agirlhasnomoney Fri 17-Jun-16 20:08:17

This is what I'm thinking.
The mother sounds like she could be stressed.

Bettydownthehall Fri 17-Jun-16 20:09:16

Yes report it. Let them decide with other information they hold.

Even better, could you record it?

ChoccyJules Fri 17-Jun-16 20:09:18

You can report anonymously if you're not a health/education professional (though it might be obvious you live next door). In terms of whether you should, yes, I believe what you are describing counts as witnessing domestic violence, whether or not there is physical assault involved.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Fri 17-Jun-16 20:10:39

Yes I would report if it's beyond normal arguing.

I absolutely wouldn't ' be a good neighbour.'

Only on MN are you expected to do the work of SS and HV's!

agirlhasnomoney Fri 17-Jun-16 20:15:03

Yes. I feel like I should say something.
I hate myself, because I'm thinking, well, all families argue and you're just being a nosy interferring neighbour agirlhas.
How would I like it?

I would have hated it if a neighbour had been interffering every time my family had an argument.
But still,
I'm not sure. hmm
My place of work is really big on safeguarding and I feel this falls under that whole umbrella.

Lostthefairytale Fri 17-Jun-16 20:15:57

SS will take the information, look at the records for the child and make a decision based on that. If there has been no previous referrals about the child the chances are they will write a letter letting them know that they have had an anonymous referral and signposting to other agencies (eg relate) if they feel they need further support. If the there has been other referrals your info might be part of a much bigger picture and lead to further action. There is no way to know because you don't know what info is held on file for that reason it's always worth passing the info on.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Fri 17-Jun-16 20:16:27

Roughly how many times a week are the arguments?

agirlhasnomoney Fri 17-Jun-16 20:19:30

Every two days. On average.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Fri 17-Jun-16 20:21:11

Yes I would report.

agirlhasnomoney Fri 17-Jun-16 20:27:18

Lots of people have mentioned support.
I would hope that this family would receive support if I were to report them.

I would hate to think I was instrumental in breaking a family up.
It would be the last thing I would want.

which is why Im asking you lot.

frontalcortexburnout Fri 17-Jun-16 20:29:46

Babies can push up the stress levels, more financial worries, the worry about being able to provide for more children etc. You could try talking ot the mother when she is alone about things she could do to put a stop to the arguing eg go and stay with relatives for a few weeks? You could also say that it sounds bad enough to call SS but you haven't so that she gets a wake up call, and a chance to sort it out?

ricketytickety Fri 17-Jun-16 20:34:37

Yes - you won't be breaking a family up. They'll get a visit and mum may well get the support she needs. No one is going to take any children into care unless they are at risk of serious physical harm. If you can here a child crying regularly and pleading for them to stop then you need to get them help.

Oakmaiden Fri 17-Jun-16 20:35:43

If in doubt, report.

If SS think it is relevant they will pursue. If not they won't.

AntiqueSinger Fri 17-Jun-16 20:37:15

Report them. It is abusive to the child's emotional well-being. I have had PND twice and had some really awful days when I lost my temper but was always aware of DS being around.

Violent or excessively negative arguing or speech can make a child prone to anxiety if not now then in later life, and probably is interfering with their ability to focus in school at the very least. If not projecting a very unhealthy view of relationships.

Oxfordblue Fri 17-Jun-16 20:40:34

Absolutely ring SS. Whether the mother is suffering from PND or not, the way the man is talking to her is not acceptable & there will concerns he'll grow up to think this behaviour is acceptable.

SS will support, they don't like to break up families, however you may wish to ring your local Womens Aid for assistance.

Your're most definitely not be unreasonable.

agirlhasnomoney Fri 17-Jun-16 20:42:02

I think I will report.
Hopefully they will get help.
Are you sure it's anonymous?

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