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that I have no friends?

(18 Posts)
NorfolkEnchantsToday Fri 17-Jun-16 08:39:29

Hello, I don't know if I aibu or over sensitive.
I rarely have a weekend free without my daughter and decided next weekend- ie not tommorow I would do a BBQ and bit of an evening gathering at my house with some friends. I don't have many and I know everyone I do know is child free that weekend.

I've created a whatsap group including my neighbours either side who I help with childcare when I can.

I woke up this morning after sending a nice message to 8 people inviting them, one of the guys said yes, and everyone else has read the message and then left the group, so no response. So no one is coming I guess.

I'm crushed, I knew I didn't have many friends.

bluecashmere Fri 17-Jun-16 08:55:23

Sounds rubbish. How rude not to even respond. They may get in touch later though so don't be too disheartened. If they are also child free that weekend maybe they have just made other plans. Is there a friend you can do something with - just the two of you?

Scarydinosaurs Fri 17-Jun-16 08:57:23

It might just be that they're busy? Or that they didn't want loads of updates coming through from other people? Treasure the friends you do have, make the most of who do say yes, and be positive. Someone wants to come- I bet you'll have a lovely time.

LadyAntonella Fri 17-Jun-16 09:01:10

I think that's very rude of them to leave the group without even explaining that they can't make it! They don't even need to give a reason, just "thanks for the invite, but we can't make it" would do. Maybe go out somewhere instead with the one person who said they could make it and make some new friends?

Piemernator Fri 17-Jun-16 09:08:53

Rude not to respond obviously but when people have tiddly children and a child free weekend they can sometimes book themselves weeks or months ahead. One of my mates has to be booked weeks in advance as she has a serious and time consuming hobby.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 17-Jun-16 09:10:47

Very rude of them. I'd be looking elsewhere for friends.

NorfolkEnchantsToday Fri 17-Jun-16 09:26:42

Sadly these people are the only friends
I have

Maybe ice done something. I chose a weekend where everyone seemed to be free.

I've never hosted a party, and I was apprehensive anyway but never mind

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Fri 17-Jun-16 09:29:47

I always leave groups I'm added to. Maybe send them individual messages.

flowers hope it works out for you.

Scarydinosaurs Fri 17-Jun-16 09:34:59

^^ yes, send individual messages. Much better, more personal.

Paintedhandprints Fri 17-Jun-16 10:15:44

I hate those group invite things. Especoally when it shows everyone you've read it. I like some time to check my calendar, etc. But I wouldn't leave without a response. I would probably pm the host instead.

Notsurewhyimhere Fri 17-Jun-16 10:27:54

I know exactly how you feel OP. It's my 21st on Sunday so thought I'd go out tomorrow night. Like yourself I created a group message and again people have either left the group or said they can't come. I am fuming and very offended tbh.

Hope you have a good weekend whatever you do though.

sandrabedminster Fri 17-Jun-16 10:30:31

Wow leaving the group is harsh. Although I don't like added to groups as it gives my number to them. Ditto with email ccs

Bisghetti Fri 17-Jun-16 10:31:20

Send individual invitations direct to each person. I'm not keen on group invitations and having to reply within a group. If they haven't expressly said they aren't coming then I'd try asking them each individually.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 17-Jun-16 10:35:53

I tend to speak to people in person to say, hey I'm thinking of having a BBQ next weekend, are you free, want to come?

I am surprised you knew everyone was free. How could you possibly know that? If they are child free surely they would have plans, just like you have decided to start having.

I talk to my friends a lot and I wouldn't have the foggiest, unless someone had something major on that we'd talked about. I wouldn't know about their plan to have a quiet afternoon after a heavy week, or the trip to Ikea, or lunch with their brother, or the bike ride round the big park, or the trip to the museum unencumbered by children.

You are booking a Saturday evening at very short notice. If you want high attendance at a party, you need a good couple of months notice and negotiate the best day according to your bestest mates diaries.

If you want a more socially active weekend, I suggest you start smaller and deepen the friendships in small groups or one on one first. Do any of your friends have a hobby you get into? A book club? A fitness class? A regular night down the pub? Dog walking? Anything?

OptimisticSix Fri 17-Jun-16 10:46:15

I never have any free time so don't go to anything except weddings and funerals. I always reply though, although sometimes it takes a few days as I hate saying no. The thing is DH works six days a week and I work four nights a week so our time together is minimal. I love my friends but I want to spend what time I have with him and my children. Its so awkward saying that to people though as we do have a lot of lovely friends... anyway maybe a few are like mr, it maybe they have just left the group because they don't like group messages and would rather reply to you personally.

NorfolkEnchantsToday Fri 17-Jun-16 11:18:56

I guess I won't take offence I just think it's rude

Noodledoodledoo Fri 17-Jun-16 11:45:28

Whatsapp groups are a nightmare. We have one for our NCT group which is 7 people and its nice chat, helpful resource for random questions comments. It has moments of being busy other weeks its quite quiet.

A friend made a a whatsapp group for a birth announcment which went to an endless amount of people - 4 days of congratulations messages got very irritating. I muted the conversation before leaving after a week to not cause offense. Same person has set one up for her hen night in a few weeks time - it is permanently muted as the conversation between a group of people with just numbers is mainly pointless - I will no doubt miss something vital but it's just random conversations not about the hen currently!

I would agree speak to people individually.

BabooshkaKate Fri 17-Jun-16 14:12:21

Sorry if this is insensitive but are they really your friends? Do you stay in touch regularly, chat and so on? It's just that you said you've been busy with your DC every weekend so I wonder how much contact they have had. I was recently added to a group by a school friend I hadn't spoken to in years and was asked to attend an Ann Summers party - not the same but I would be a bit hmm at being invited to a social event in a group by someone I hadn't spoken to in a while. Bit different to reach out on an individual basis...

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