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Is MIL showing signs of jealousy

(126 Posts)
Jasperkiss5 Thu 16-Jun-16 22:27:09

MIL hasn't always had a regard for me, often treats me like the oven that cooked the bun. There is history but I want opinions on this situation alone.

Daughter goes to her 1 day a week. She has everything you could imagine at her house for my daughter, decorated room, heaps of toys etc, I send her with a coat but then see pictures on Facebook with her wearing a completely different coat that she's been and bought to keep at hers, even though I take her round wearing a coat already; just feel I need to mention that. Anyway my daughter has a comforter a little bunny with a blanket on it that she's had since she was born. She adores it, face lights up when she sees it, she naps with it, sleeps at night with and even takes it to nursery. The other week mil announced to us, but by talking to my DD that 'nannys got her own comforter for you at her house'. I thought that was odd as she knows we always send her with the one she's had since she was tiny, she also knows we have 3 identical to it in case it gets lost.

Each time I drop her off with it and collect her the comforter is always shoved right at the bottom of the bag. When I dropped her off on Monday she said oh she won't need that, she's got one here. I said but she likes it and takes it everywhere with her. She said she also likes nannys one and sleeps with that. I said do you allow her to have her own one when she's here and she said yes but I also give her my one. This is bullshit because it's never out when she is collected and she's out pictures on Facebook of my DD asleep with the comforter she bought.

My problem is- why did she feel the need to go and buy her own version. No one else I know would think to do that! Why not just let her have her comforter that she adores, why force your own on her. What would u feel?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Thu 16-Jun-16 22:31:15

seems like in her head your dd is 'hers' when she has her....i'd be looking at different childcare

Osirus Thu 16-Jun-16 22:33:22

I'd be more annoyed about all the Facebook pictures. It seems that some MILs see their grandchildren as a second chance at parenting.

228agreenend Thu 16-Jun-16 22:34:53

I don't how old your dd is but maybe dd's comforter is looking a bit scruffy, so mil wanted to buy a newer one, which looks less embaress ing. I may be totally wrong though.

Is dd happy with mil comforter?

BertrandRussell Thu 16-Jun-16 22:34:55

If she sleeps happily with the other one why is it a problem?

BertrandRussell Thu 16-Jun-16 22:35:45

And what's wrong with the Facebook pictures?

Jasperkiss5 Thu 16-Jun-16 22:38:19

It's not scruffy, in quite good condition really as we alternate between the 3. She's 1. The problem is that she has bought her own version to replace the one my DD already has, of something that is unique and a comfort to her. Something that goes pretty much everywhere with her, something she's had since she was 1 month old. I don't understand the mentality behind it.

Euphemia Thu 16-Jun-16 22:39:01

I couldn't get worked up about this. As long as DD's happy, does this matter?

How could that possibly be construed as jealousy?

Having things for when she stays over is great. It's often recommended when a child stays with another parent so I decided see why it's so wrong when staying with a grandparent?

PatriciaHolm Thu 16-Jun-16 22:42:15

I really can't see the problem. Your DD is happy, right?

wheresthel1ght Thu 16-Jun-16 22:42:19

If your dd isn't distressed I would ignore it.

Sounds like your MIL is trying to be nice. You say there is a history so I can only assume that your judgement is being coloured by his. Sorry

Jasperkiss5 Thu 16-Jun-16 22:42:35

She has lots of things there already as mentioned. But to be more specific, teddies and dolls etc that she enjoys playing with and that isn't an issue. The point is she specifically bought her own version and doesn't allow her to keep her own one with her, which I don't understand.

BertrandRussell Thu 16-Jun-16 22:43:32

Because she wanted to? Maybe she saw it and thought it was sweet?If your dd didn't like it I'm sure she'd say.

PatriciaHolm Thu 16-Jun-16 22:45:06

Because it's sweet, and it saves yours getting lost, and its a nice thing to buy.

On it's own, its fine. There is clearly huge backstory.

NinaSimoneful Thu 16-Jun-16 22:48:27

I think YANBU to be annoyed. If DD were happy enough I'd just roll my eyes and leave MIL to it.

I wouldn't be able to help worrying though that MIL would continue to create similar power struggles in the future. "Oh, your rule is X? Well she's at grandma's now and at grandma's the rule is Y." I wouldn't leave my child with anyone who would deliberately undermine the patenting choices of the parents.

HopeClearwater Thu 16-Jun-16 22:49:30

Your MIL is a weirdo.

ShadowsCollideWithKittens Thu 16-Jun-16 22:49:57

If your daughter sleeps well with MIL's comforter, is there really a problem?

My Nana and Granda used to mind my siblings and I while my parents worked. We had our own rooms, toys etc in their house. It was wonderful. I will always think of them as my second set of parents. I always have. Had my parents been insecure that might have bothered them, but they were just delighted that we had grandparents who adored us.

Granda used to buy us toys for their house too, and Nan used to buy us clothes. There was no FB back then but they loved bringing us to visit their friends and showing off their grandchildren, who they were so proud of. So much the same as your MIL. As the child in the equation, it was wonderful to be loved and cherished by so many people.

Your MIL, just like my Grandparents, loves her grandchild. You clearly love your child. There's enough love to go around. A child can never be too loved.

BertrandRussell Thu 16-Jun-16 22:50:59

God, who'd be a grandma! The scrutiny must be exhausting

PovertyPain Thu 16-Jun-16 22:51:46

I'm with you, OP. It sounds as if she wants no part of the 'real' mummy to be involved with your baby, when she's at grandma's. The toys and stuff sounds like an over indulging gran, but it's as if she wants to pretend you don't exist, while she's got your daughter.

Birdsgottafly Thu 16-Jun-16 22:51:55

I change my GD (my DDs, DD) when she comes to mine, so I'm returning her in clean clothes.

I can remember having toys and things at my Nans and my Aunties, I'm glad I had that seperate, from my Parents, relationship with the both of them (and my Grandad).

Children are different around 'Secondary' Carers, I can remember picking my children up from my Mum and having pangs of jealousy because I hadn't been missed, or they had their own stuff "at Nannies".

Unless she actually goes against you, or your DD, as she grows, I wouldn't be overly concerned.

PovertyPain Thu 16-Jun-16 22:53:10

Sorry, I meant to add, it's the removal of the baby's comforter that makes this weird.

finova Thu 16-Jun-16 22:53:29

It's a comforter not just another toy. That makes it weird.
I'd insist she takes it home and lose it haha!
No seriously it is a strange thing to do and doesn't actually seem to have the baby's best interests at heart.

heyday Thu 16-Jun-16 22:57:39

With all the horrendous problems in the world is this really a big issue? I can understand that it's annoyed/angered you but life is going to be a whole lot less stressful if you can just learn to ignore these minor irritations.

finova Thu 16-Jun-16 22:58:42

You could post that about half the threads on here!

Mummyto2bubs Thu 16-Jun-16 23:03:28

This would really annoy me! But then I have MIL issues as well and know in my case it would be done to undermine mine and DH's relationship with our child.

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