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Why is it so unbelievable that not everyone has outside help?

(208 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

NeedACleverNN Thu 16-Jun-16 21:38:47

Not quite TAAT but inspired by one.

I've seen many a thread where the OP desperately needs to go out whether to collect a child from school or to go to the shop.

She can't go because a child is sick or is in bed and the automatic response is always ask a neighbour/friend/family even when it's been made clear in the OP that none of the above are available.

Take me for example.

If I had to suddenly go to the shop for emergency electric, my two children would be in bed.

Now I would have to possibly leave them for up to 7 mins on their own because:-
My neighbours don't speak English so wouldn't know what to do
My husband is at work and wouldn't be able to get away
I have no friends who could be there at the drop of a hat
Same with family.

Yet nearly every other post would still be "why can't your neighbour just watch them for 10 mins"?

Is it really that hard to believe in this day and and age that not everyone has outside support anymore?

Disclaimer:- I have not run out of electric and I do not need to go to the shop. This was my made up example without having to resort to an example about another thread

RubbleBubble00 Thu 16-Jun-16 21:43:32

I'm same position. If I had to have electric then I'd wake the kids and take them with me - not ideal but I wouldn't leave them alone.

RubbleBubble00 Thu 16-Jun-16 21:44:29

and yes I've nipped to local corner shop with poxy child to grab bread and milk as dh works away

Chchchchangeabout Thu 16-Jun-16 21:45:10

What RubbleBubble said.

NeedACleverNN Thu 16-Jun-16 21:45:38

But what would be so wrong leaving till littlies cuddled up in their nice warm bed, drag them out into the cold where you only have a pushchair for one and then potentially take an age to get them back to sleep. You could be gone and back in the time it takes to get them up and out

Asprilla11 Thu 16-Jun-16 21:48:51

Got a sick child but need to go to the shop, but also got nobody to help?

You need;


Available 24hrs a day, low prices!

Business opportunity grin

Sorry OP not helpful blush. I can imagine this is even worse if you live out in the sticks.

Givemeabone Thu 16-Jun-16 21:49:05

Me too. My dh works away, I have no family around here. We are new to the area so don't know neighbours well enough.
I had to rush my ds to a&e at 10pm the other night, my other dc had to come with me. We were there until 4am, she had to sleep in the hosp bed with poorly ds as there was knowhere else for her to go, or no one to pick her up!

1Potato2 Thu 16-Jun-16 21:50:45

Until last week (parents moved from being 4 hours away to 'only' an hour), I was the same. It pissed me off when I was struggling during my first mat leave and hv always asked what help I had. It was their job and I was unreasonable, but it still got to me.

LadyAntonella Thu 16-Jun-16 21:51:25

If DH wasn't here then I'd take DD with me if I had to go out, even if I had to wake her up to do so. I have no outside help at all and have no problem believing it's a common situation.

cheminotte Thu 16-Jun-16 21:52:34

I am lucky that I have good neighbours and we have done emergency stuff like this for each other me and then over the years - although only about once a year. But we're moving soon and I won't know anyone. No family within 2 hours.

NeedACleverNN Thu 16-Jun-16 21:52:39

Hospital is sort of of excuseable, you don't know how long you will be...

I'm trying really hard not to make it a TAAT but when you have a sick child they have to come with you everywhere right? When you have to go to the shop for essentials, there is no magic nanny who is suddenly there to help. This is what I'm trying to get across

SavoyCabbage Thu 16-Jun-16 21:53:24

I had to get a woman I'd never met to be my emergency contact at primary school as they said I couldn't leave dd if I didn't have one. She was standing behind me in the queue.

ftw Thu 16-Jun-16 21:53:52

And the people you could ask are looking after their own children...

bumbleymummy Thu 16-Jun-16 21:55:15

You're right. There are often a lot of suggestions that assume people are in particular situations/circumstances and when the OP says that it wouldn't work people get all huffy. Eg. People suggesting that someone drive somewhere when they don't have a car or get express 2 hr delivery when you live out in the styx and get post once a day.

UmbongoUnchained Thu 16-Jun-16 21:55:58

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

markingthebench Thu 16-Jun-16 21:58:04

I'm in this position. I'm a carer for ds1, and also have a three year old. There is nobody I can call. I haven't been away from both children for eight years. I can't even go to counselling because I have nobody to look after the children. I can't meet with a domestic violence support group because there is no creche.

treaclesoda Thu 16-Jun-16 21:58:12

Often when people say, quite reasonably, that they don't have help, they'll either be disbelieved, ignored or told that they're just too lazy to find a solution.

My favourite is the ignoring.

OP : 'there is no breakfast or after school club at my childs school'
About 100 posters 'I don't see the problem here, you just put them in breakfast and after school club, that's what you have to do as a working parent, you're just making excuses'
OP confused

Givemeabone Thu 16-Jun-16 21:58:13

needa the morning after we had been in hosp I was wiped out, my ds was wiped out. My dd was the only one who'd had any sleep. She's 2
so was up at 7. I'd only got to bed at 5 so couldn't handle it.
I left ds, who's 6, in bed asleep and I drove to bottom of village to drop dd off at pre school.
I drove a distance that I'd normally walk. It took me 4mins to drop her off and get back home to sleeping ds.
I then got back in to jed with him and slept until lunch.
It would have been very unfair on ds to take him on the school run.

PeppasNanna Thu 16-Jun-16 21:59:10

Well a GP I met for the first time this morning couldn't believe thst i have no one to help.

4 dc at home. 2 of my dc have complex SN. Live where i grew up. All my family & friends have moved away.

Due to work then dc with needs i rarely get out. Impossible to create a support network. Neighbours in their 80's. Other neighbours short term tenants.

I don't ever get a day off. Between the 2 ds with SN. Older ones school placement is breaking down.

I pay for all care & support.

NeedACleverNN Thu 16-Jun-16 21:59:29

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PeppasNanna Thu 16-Jun-16 22:00:13

Yanbu blush

NarkyKnockers Thu 16-Jun-16 22:00:50

My kids are older now but my dp has always worked evenings/nights and I've never had anyone to leave them with. I have never had cause to leave them to go to the shops. In a real emergency I would take them with me.

YetAnotherHelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 16-Jun-16 22:02:04

Evening all.
Some reports about this already, we have to say if it becomes any more TAAT-y we'll delete it.

UmbongoUnchained Thu 16-Jun-16 22:03:44

Even more flame worthy is that I didn't have my child in a pram because I was pushing a wheel chair. I made sure she was completely covered and was on my back fast asleep. Life can't stop.
But the according to another thread I'm a total narcissist which I'm actually now beginning to see blush

ElzBevan Thu 16-Jun-16 22:05:26

i concur with this thread. there is me, and dh, thats it. we have no other help
a few years ago dd was at school, dh at work, ds1 with a tummy bug and ds2 a baby, we needed money from post office, so both ds in double buggy, ds1 with sick bowl.
just yest dh rushed to a and e, i had to stay behind to collect ds's from school.... examples could go on and on, but
its a sad fact of life that some of us don't have support networks

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