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To e-mail my XP. No idea what would be the right thing to do.

(52 Posts)
someonestolemynick Thu 16-Jun-16 18:27:34

4 years ago I broke up with my XP and whilst trying to do the right thing for me and him I'm fairly certain I hurt him quite badly. We got together young (I was 20), it was my first serious relationship and I realise I'm retrospect that while I liked (and still like) him a lot and i don't think I was attracted to him.
After a few years together I worked closely with Y, fell head over heels in love, agonized a few weeks and after a work session with I in which I felt resentful that i couldn't pursue my feelings with Y and angry at going back to X I decided that I needed to end it with X.
I did and got together with Y a few weeks later. Y and I are still together and very happy.
I moved away from the area where X and I lived together. We met a few times for coffee afterwards (on his instigation) but when he still wanted to hold my hand/ act like a couple I told him that while I'd like to see him again as a friend I think we needed some time away from each other.
Since then I haven't seen him or has much contact. Occasionally we exchange e-mails about our respective areas of interest.

If you're still here, well done. Now my dilemma:
I accepted a regular, long-term work gig that takes me to the area where he lives. And I'm wondering of I should get in touch with him to ...
A) inform him that we might run into each B) ask if he wants to meet for a coffee as friends and see how we get on.

My reasons for thinking it would be a good idea to tell him:
He would be prepared of he ran into me and could choose to avoid the town centre on the day (always the same weekday).
I also think he might be hurt of he finds out I'm in the are regularly without having told him.

Why I think it might be a stupid idea.
It's not guaranteed that i will meet him. He might not want to hear from me. It might upset him to get an e-mail from me that doesn't follow our regular pattern. (Check out this article about the thing you are interested in.)
I still feel very guilty about the way I left him and am therefore hugely over thinking the dilemma. Help!

Pyjamaface Thu 16-Jun-16 18:30:33

No you don't email him

It was 4 years ago, I'm pretty sure he won't give much of a fuck if you work in his town or not

PansyGiraffe Thu 16-Jun-16 18:31:33

Hell, no!

acasualobserver Thu 16-Jun-16 18:32:54

Leave well alone. As for bumping into him, cross that bridge when you come to it.

IoraRua Thu 16-Jun-16 18:33:01

No. Stay out of his life. When this amount of time has passed I'd hope he has moved on and is well over you. What good does getting back in touch and reopening old wounds do?

If, on the other hand, he isn't over you then meeting as friends is unfair and may be just stringing him along, if he hopes more will come out of it.

PansyGiraffe Thu 16-Jun-16 18:34:21

And by the way does he email you out of the blue with stuff you're interested in or is it replying to you? Seems like you broke the guy's heart but like to keep ripping the scab off once in a while, just to see if he's still there and over you. Don't.

someonestolemynick Thu 16-Jun-16 18:35:25

Reading this back and with pyjamaface's response I think I should clarify that with any other guy I would agree that won't give much of a fuck but X has tendencies to obsess over things long after it'a healthy.

I'm not trying to say I'm amazingly unforgetable..

Justpulltheplaster Thu 16-Jun-16 18:35:55

Pansy has it

Justpulltheplaster Thu 16-Jun-16 18:36:16

Then leave him alone!

WorraLiberty Thu 16-Jun-16 18:36:35

It was 4 years ago.

I mean this nicely but there is no way you can warn him of your impending visit to his area, without sounding a bit like you need to get over yourself IYSWIM?

someonestolemynick Thu 16-Jun-16 18:37:39

No he e-mails me with stuff I'm interested in, I have started to do so as well after I had a few e-mails. It happens maybe once every 3-4 months. It's the only contact we have.

WorraLiberty Thu 16-Jun-16 18:38:58

Just leave it.

This sounds much more like it's about you (and your guilt), than it does about what's best for him.

someonestolemynick Thu 16-Jun-16 18:39:21

Oh I need to get over myself in many ways, Worragrin head definitely says leave well alone.

So thanks

WorraLiberty Thu 16-Jun-16 18:40:20

grin wine

Pyjamaface Thu 16-Jun-16 18:41:25

Well if he obsesses over things then why would you want to feed it? Unless you think he will fall at your feet/keel over in shock/run screaming into hermitage at maybe seeing you in his town in which case fill your boots.

If the above is unlikely, stop looking for drama where there is none

PaulAnkaTheDog Thu 16-Jun-16 18:49:27

I don't mean this to sound bitchy but I really don't think he'd care about running into you years later. Don't email him!

someonestolemynick Thu 16-Jun-16 18:57:08

Do I win a prize, if no one thinks I might be reasonable.

A pp said it, it's about my feelings of guilt. I will leave the man in peace.

someonestolemynick Thu 16-Jun-16 18:57:50

I think I just needed to hear it.

Discobabe Thu 16-Jun-16 19:02:11

Do people not realise these situations are incredibly see through? Making out like you're doing someone else a favour when actually it's all about themselves and the ego boost they want.

whois Thu 16-Jun-16 19:04:40

It. Was. Four. Years. Ago.

SpinyCrevice Thu 16-Jun-16 19:06:33

It does sound a bit like you have ten bob each way on yourself OP grin
Leave well alone, if you run into him be light about it. If you tell him you had done a lot of soul searching blah blah, you are just feeding the feeling.

someonestolemynick Thu 16-Jun-16 19:07:36

I don't think I was trying to make out I was doing him a favour.

I have been going to this client for about 2 months. Every time I went it was driving ME mad. I posted this thread because I didn't now what to do.

someonestolemynick Thu 16-Jun-16 19:10:30

Love that expression, spiny.

Goingtobeawesome Thu 16-Jun-16 19:16:09

I can't compute how you feel you need to pre warn an ex you might see him. I suspect he's over you by now. Don't make this a drama when it's not worthy of one.

SaucyJack Thu 16-Jun-16 19:18:29

Why not just down a bottle of Malibu then stand on his doorstep miaowing Adele's "Hello" through the letter-box?

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