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AIBU to be upset and disgusted by something that was said when I wasn't there about people I don't know?

(23 Posts)
ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Thu 16-Jun-16 15:58:27

MIL is elderly and lives in sheltered housing. They have a communal lounge and residents get together regularly to 'party'. It's a nice life, very sociable. They have coffee and chat about everything including, obviously, topical items.

MIL told us that, in the lounge, they were discussing the Orlando Nightclub shootings and the general consensus was that it was ok as it was 'just gays'. According to the group, the young generation have invented this gay nonsense and it was as if it was their own fault really.

I was HORRIFIED! I wasn't there, I don't know anyone who died in Orlando and I don't really know the people who were chatting, but I am so upset that 'reasonable people' could say and believe such things! Even if they can't get their head around someone being gay, how can they not be devastated at people's sons, brothers, friends being slaughtered in this way?

Why is it accepted that because someone is old, they can be vile and disgusting and unbelievably intolerant?

I'm not expecting a solution to this. I'm just sounding off really.

LordoftheTits Thu 16-Jun-16 16:00:17


There are loads of horrifying tweets along the same lines and it makes my blood boil.

RuggerHug Thu 16-Jun-16 16:01:50

YANBU. Urgh. Unfortunately they're not alone in it. Did your MIL agree or was she as disgusted? sad

Moomichi Thu 16-Jun-16 16:03:37

The older generation have a tendency to just say what they think with no filter. I'd be appalled if I was there too.

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Thu 16-Jun-16 16:04:41

I'm not quite sure Rugger. She saw the look on my face so kind of backed off. I really don't know her opinion on the issue and now I don't want to.

mouldycheesefan Thu 16-Jun-16 16:07:26

I wouldn't expect them to be devastated unless they had a personal connection but the view that it's ok to kill people if they are gay is very odd and surely highly unusual even among older generation.

pearlylum Thu 16-Jun-16 16:25:34

Why is it accepted that because someone is old, they can be vile and disgusting and unbelievably intolerant?

We don't, and you are being quite ageist in making this assumption.

You weren't there, you have no idea that this was a "concensus", it may have been one or two residents spouting off and the others letting it pass, as the one thing many of us learn with age is to know when to pick our battles.

I live with my elderly mother, she is homophobic and racist, votes UKIP and want to bring back hanging.
Often she will spout off some comment, but I usually keep my mouth zipped. Not because I agree with her but because it's pointless to argue.

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Thu 16-Jun-16 16:36:12

Perhaps I am being ageist with that comment, but, it's a reflection of my own experience.

I wasn't there, as I admitted, but I didn't detail every word MIL said about the situation. From what she said, it was the consensus.

I agree about picking your battles. we can't fight every corner, but this one upset me hugely. It's more than just these residents: I'm just upset that there are generally reasonable people out there who shrug and say "it was just gays" (as was said).

Pettywoman Thu 16-Jun-16 16:36:31

Dear god, these people get the vote too.

HelloHola Thu 16-Jun-16 16:39:07

My grandmothers both have views like this and I just ignore them - things were VERY different back in their day, with most of them living through the time that it was illegal to be gay.

I just show my disagreement by not encouraging the conversation.

They're not the only people who dislike homosexuals - there are people of many religions and ages that disagree. People will always have their opinions.

As long as they're not twats and kill people because they are against what they do..

pearlylum Thu 16-Jun-16 16:40:52

My sister is homophobic too, she is very religious.

japanesegarden Thu 16-Jun-16 16:47:51

My mother is nearly 90, and while she has some vocabulary that is of her generation, such as saying 'woman doctor' rather than just 'doctor', she is not at all homophobic. This is an attitude these particular people have, not due to age, although of course some attitudes are more common in some generations than others, I think it's fair to say - I don't suppose the current generation of celebrities are abusing as many underage people as those of the 70s did, for example. I agree with pearlylum that some residents may have let it go without objecting rather than agreeing as such. If they have to rub along with these people all the time they may pick their battles, which is perhaps understandable.

QueenArseClangers Thu 16-Jun-16 16:54:53

My mother is 82.
When she heard about the Orlando shootings she cried. She's getting a rainbow flag this weekend to put up in solidarity.
There's no proper excuse for intolerance at any age.

oldlaundbooth Thu 16-Jun-16 17:09:13

It wasn't 49 gay people who died in Orlando.

It was just 49 people. What difference does the fact that they were gay actually make?!

They were still humans with lives, jobs, families, dreams and responsibilities.

Like me and you.

Nataleejah Thu 16-Jun-16 17:15:07

It's unpleasant but YABU. Its pointless to argue with elderly people about something they don't understand, plus they may already have dementia. My own grandmother, nearly 90, thinks its very rude if a woman wears trousers to church, but its perfectly acceptable to refer to black people by the "n" word.

blindsider Thu 16-Jun-16 17:16:42

As appalling as the sentiment behind those comments is , you have to remember that they grew up in a time when Homosexuality was illegal. You don't just switch those feelings off overnight as suddenly the govt. have deemed it is now acceptable.

blitheringbuzzards1234 Thu 16-Jun-16 17:22:00

IME I've found that some old people can become cruel. In their youth homosexuality was illegal and barely tolerated. My MIL doesn't like gays and she'll never back down. If she had been better educated I'm sure she'd be more broad-minded but there we are. I find it better to change the subject if it approaches dangerous ground. I pick my battles as it's a waste of time trying to change their minds.

Toooldtobearsed Thu 16-Jun-16 17:36:21

It is not just old people.

I was at a funeral on Monday and four people, who i have known for 40 years were talking about it, referring to them as 'shirt lifters'.

This was my 3rd funeral in 7 days, i cracked and really let rip at them, i was disgusted. People i have known for so long. They know my DS2 is gay, God knows what they have been saying about him when i am not there.

I left early on Monday, did not join them to warch the football this afternoon, and have ignored their text messages.

I am as flawed as the next person, but this just sickens me. Imactually do have more patience for the older generation, whilst not supporting them. My mum, before she died, woild be considered a racist. She was not. She could not give a toss as to colour and creed, but the terminology she used would make you cringe. My grandad, many years ago, helpfully told me that there had always been 'poofs', not their fault, just the way they came out and that i must always treat them like 'normal' men. Again, he was a lovely man, but of such a different age, that this was actually amazingly liberal for him.

None of it is right, and i am not defending older people and racism, but for many, they lived very sheltered, small lives. Travel was rare and foreigners exotic. Personally, i would slap them down in a lighthearted way, to let them know it was not acceptable, but would not go full blast in the same way i did with my so called friends.

WhereYouLeftIt Thu 16-Jun-16 20:27:13

"According to the group, the young generation have invented this gay nonsense"
Might I suggest a DVD for Christmas/birthday? Or a nice biography of , say, King James I?

RiverTam Thu 16-Jun-16 20:31:34

So older people simply ceased to exist during recent decades? What nonsense. How things were in their youth is absolutely no excuse. Dementia aside, they are bigoted and pretty unpleasant, regardless of age.

My mother is 80 and she doesn't think like this. Because she's not an intolerant ignorant bigot.

StartledByHisFurryShorts Fri 17-Jun-16 08:23:27

Jesus. I haven't come across anything like this from any generation. You know, it would be oddly cathartic to let rip at someone who did say something like that. It'd be satisfying to have somewhere to direct my anger.

StartledByHisFurryShorts Fri 17-Jun-16 08:26:28

oldlaundbooth, you may want to re-read your post, by the way. It sounds a lot less gay friendly than I think you meant it to.

"Like me. Like you." Well, quite. We're not all straight here.

LagunaBubbles Fri 17-Jun-16 08:31:45

Regardless of what generation these people belong to and this affecting their opinions on homosexuality the Orlando shootings is a story about murder, I can't get my head round anyone defending this!

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